Blue Lace, A Paily Story
by rcampdel
Summary: After the story of the tulip tattoo, Paige and Emily share their first night together. But reality soon closes around them threatening to pull them apart.
1. Chapter 1

"I don't want it to hurt anymore." Emily sighed.

Hearing those words broke her heart into pieces. She couldn't stand the thought of Emily hurting so much while she was so powerless to protect her. Realizing that it wasn't words that Emily need, she tightened her arms around Emily's shoulders and softly kissed her head. She would do anything for this girl.

Moments passed in silence as they held each other. Paige glanced around the darkness in the room, her eyes falling easily upon the window bench, covered in quilted pillows. A memory tugging fondly at her heart. She had come to Emily, scared and confused. Emily had been there for her then.

_ ~* "want to hear something funny?" Emily asked. Paige fought back her tears. "I would love to hear something funny." *~_

The memory made Paige smile, but only briefly. She wanted to see Emily smile again.

"Do you want to go somewhere, Em?" She whispered quietly, part of her hoping Emily wouldn't hear so that she wouldn't have to feel the pain of the answer she feared.

"yea, actually I'd love to." Emily sighed sitting herself up.

Paige exhaled in relief, not realizing she had been holding her breath. She stood and grabbed Emily's hand, gently pulled her off the bed and leading her down the stairs. Stopping only to pick up their jackets that hung near the door, before heading out into the cool night.

They walked in silence down the street for a few moments listening to the sound of the crickets and the leaves rustling in the branches high above.

"where are we going?" Emily asked, genuinely curious.

"you'll see.." Paige answered giving Emily a mischievous smile. But her smile faltered as she looked back to the ground. Emily made her feel uncertain at times. Though not intentionally. Lately Paige couldn't tell if she was giving Emily everything that she needed. If she was helping her move on at all, or if she was just along for the ride. That frustrated her. She hated feeling weak and unsure. She told herself that it didn't matter. Emily mattered. But the feeling of helplessness ached in her bones.

Seeing Paige smile made Emily feel so much better. But something about Paige's face troubled her, she couldn't put her finger on it. Something about the slight wrinkle between her eye brows as she stared down at her feet. Worry, or some similar emotion. Guilt flooded through her. Realizing that she was probably the reason for everything that upset Paige. She hated admitting it to herself but it couldn't be denied. Emily had let her down so many times in the past. Paige had reached out to her in the beginning and Emily had never stopped telling herself that she had failed her. Instinct made Emily pull Paige's arm closer, hugging her tightly as they walked. Willing her not to disappear.

Paige felt Emily hug her arm, snapping her away from her thoughts, and sending a cool wave of calm over her body. She returned the pressure. They reached the end of the street where the sidewalk stopped and a gravel path slithered into the woods. The house lights had begun to fade away. As Paige stepped towards the tree line Emily's heart started to pound. She dug her nails into Paige's jacket, nervous about the darkness looming ahead of them. Paige sensed Emily's hesitation and immediately stopped, turning to face her. Concern spread across her face.

"Em?" she whispered "It's okay you can trust me. I promise I'll never hurt you…".

Emily stared into her deep brown eyes, so full of sincerity. Scolding herself mentally for thinking that Paige could ever be the one doing the hurting. 'That's my job.' she thought sadly. 'I hurt everything I touch.'

"I know." Emily replied. She swallowed hard, wiping the worry from her face as to not alarm Paige any further and allowed Paige to lead her forward, descending into the woods and away from the lights that blanketed the town. The air was warmer here. The thick cover of trees sheltering them from the cool September breeze. The smell of wood and fresh fallen rain from that morning reached Emily's nose, mixing well with scent of the wild honeysuckle that grew nearby.

Emily remembered how much she loved the woods. Marwyn Trail. She used to ride bikes here with her friends all summer. But it had become a sad and scary place after Ali had disappeared. Tainted by the people who combed the trees for any trace of the missing girl. Time had laid that memory to rest. Buried it even. Yet Emily had never come back to this trail. It touched too closely to wounds that she thought would never heal. Somehow being here with Paige calmed her mind. Instead of feeling the fear she thought she would, she felt relief. Closure. Like a new chapter was opening in her life, and Paige by her side felt right. She tighten her grip on Paige's arm again.

Paige smiled lightly and in return pulled her arm away, wrapping it around her waist instead, holding her tightly. She sneaked a glance over at Emily. 'Was she smiling?' There was enough moonlight shining across her face that she swore she saw Emily smile.

'God I hope so.' Paige thought. Emily's smiles had been so scarce lately. She always felt like they were standing on a precipice together, just biding her time until Emily came to her senses and pushed her off. Saying goodbye to her forever. The thought pained her, but she knew she had done nothing to deserve Emily in the first place. She was simply biding her time.

The trees thinned out after a few minutes, giving way to a small clearing. The sound of the creek running nearby caught Emily's attention, tightening her chest. She recognized it instantly. She had been here before, with Maya. They had dived into the water together and whispered quietly under the water fall. Her eyes stung. Emily knew the significance that this place held for her, but how did Paige? She let the word roll around in her head. Significance. After a moment another memory flashed through her mind.

"We've been here before" she said turning to face Paige. A smile slowly spreading across her lips.

"The day I thought I had lost you" Paige started. "I won't make that mistake twice Emily. I was asking too much of you. I was ashamed of myself and I hurt you." Emily watched helplessly as Paige's emotions changed from simple frustration to disgust. She recoiled at the thought that Paige was disgusted by her.

"I didn't blame you, Paige. I don't blame you." she mumbled weakly.

"I know, Em. I blame myself..how could I have ever wanted to hide you?" Realization crossed Emily's face. Paige wasn't disgusted with her, she was disgusted with herself. Emily felt her own anger growing. She hated that Paige fought with herself so much, and even worse that it was usually always her fault.

Paige was growing visibly angry with herself. Struggling with some internal battle that Emily desperately wanted to save her from. Frantically, Emily reached for the sides of Paige's jacket, pulling her close.

"Look at me, Paige" She pleaded. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. The way that you've been here for me when I've been completely falling apart…I..I just." Emily saw Paige's eyes darken as she stared off into the night. Emily sighed, dropping her eyes to the ground. 'I'm sorry" Emily whimpered. Paige's nerves jolted her, snapping her eyes back to Emily's face, realizing what the girl had been thinking

'sorry'? she thought. Know now that it wasn't Emily pushing her off the ledge. She was pushing herself. It was Emily that beckoned her back to safety. Why did she hurt everything she touched?

"oh, Em no!" she begged. " that's not what I…." Paige sighed heavily. Dropping her gaze to the ground "You deserve to be happy again. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know how to make you happy again." Anger coursed through Emily's veins, pushing her forward.

"You make me happy!" Emily shouted. Grabbing Paige's face and forcing her eyes back. Emily slid her hands down wrapping them around Paige's waist pulling her close. Resting her head against Paige's chest. Begging for Paige to hold her too. But Paige was tense under her arms. Emily felt her eyes burn, her head spin, dizzying at the thought that she had allowed Paige to slip away from her. But she wasn't letting go. After a few beats in Paige's chest, she felt Paige's arms slid up, wrapping around her. Paige moved a hand up to Emily's hair, gently twisting her fingers into the silky strands. Holding her close.

"Do I?" Paige whispered, pressing her lips to the top of Emily's head. Breathing her in deeply. Lavender filled her nose. Emily tightened her grip on Paige in response

"Yes." she whispered into her chest. Emily looked to her feet. Something lying on the ground caught her eye. A small speck of pink, oddly placed against the green moss that covered ground. As her eyes focused she spotted another oddity, and another. Emily lifted her eyes past Paige looking over her shoulder. Surprised by what she saw. There, nestled under the large oak tree was a blanket covered in petals. Emily looked to Paige, wide eyed and questioning.

"our picnic." Paige said, smiling softly. "I wanted to surprise you." Emily was still frozen staring at it..

'oh no!' Paige thought, as she saw a small tear slide from the corner of Emily's eye. Paige grabbed her shoulders. Panicked. "I'm sorry, Em. I…I didn't mean to upset you." Paige could feel her own tears welling up and threatening to pour over. "Emily?" Paige cupped her face in her palms, wiping the tear and tucking a piece of stray hair behind her ear. Paige could feel her own tears betray her, sliding down her cheeks, burning into her. This startled Emily, snapping her back to Paige. Confusing her. she reached up tentatively and wiped the moisture that streaked Paige's skin. So soft.

"I love you" Emily whispered.

Paige's breath caught in her lungs. She couldn't move, couldn't think. She felt the ground start to shake and her knees buckle. Emily wrapped her arms tighter around Paige's waist and pulled her close, steadying her. Paige willed herself to speak, to move, to do..well anything. No combination of words could ever make her feel happier. Nothing compared to the feelings that raced through her body, tasting Emily's words on her tongue. Wanting to taste Emily.

It took everything in her to reach her hands around Emily's neck and pull their lips together. Softly driving them closer. Emily parted her lips slightly, brushing her tongue against Paige's lower lip. Begging for entrance. Paige returned the gesture, pushing her tongue eagerly to meet Emily's and holding her tighter against her body. Their tongues both searching and finding. Attempting to memorize every inch. Emily moaned lightly as the taste of Paige flooded across her tongue, sweet. Why had it been so long since she had kissed Paige like this. They had only shared careful chaste kisses lately. Emily knew that was her fault, but even the kiss by Paige's pool had failed in comparison to the passion they shared now.

Paige's heart thundered loudly in her ears as Emily's hot breath brushed across her mouth. She had wanted this, for so long. Emily loved her. She moved her lips softly to Emily's cheek and traced down her neck. Nipping and gently swirling her tongue as she went. Relishing the scent that waited for her there.

Emily ran her fingers through Paige's hair gathering it in her hands and holding her tightly. Shivering slightly as Paige ran her fingers slowly down, resting them on Emily's hip. Just barely making contact with her skin. The heat from her finger tips burning into her. Emily gasped loudly, slipping out of Paige's arms. Catching her breath. Paige staggered back, confused, and struggling to breath.

"Em are you okay? did I do…" hurt edged her voices, her eyes.

Emily gave her a reassuring smile, grabbing her hand and gently tugging her backwards towards the plaid blanket that lay sprawled out below the trees. Panic cut through Paige like a knife, making her heart skip as she took tiny steps towards Emily and towards a future she had never known. Seeing Paige tense up, Emily leaned in and whispered in her ear softly.

"remember..I love you." she smiled

Paige exhaled. Unaware that she had been holding her breath. Like she could have ever forgotten Emily's words? The reminder had the effect that Emily desired though, jump-starting her heart.

"I love you too." Paige whispered.

A small tear slid down Emily's cheek as she knelt on the blanket, pulling Paige down with her..kneeling before each other now. The nearby water danced casting rippling shadows on their skin. Paige reached for Emily, gently wiping the moisture from her skin, replacing it with a kiss. Slowly she used her free hand to slide Emily's jacket off of her shoulders. Letting it fall to the ground behind her. Paige brushed her fingers through Emily's hair, exposing her neck, before leaning in to kiss the tender flesh below her ear. Breathing her in once again. Emily moaned quietly, sending shocks through Paige. Jolting every nerve in her body. How could she ever live without Emily? She couldn't..not now, not ever.

Emily reached to slip Paige's jacket off, grabbing her tightly around her sides and holding her close. Paige released Emily's neck and moved back to her lips. Sucking gently on her lower lip. Biting softly, moving deeper. Massaging her tongue against Emily's. Her fingers trembled, lightly running them across the buttons on the front of Emily's shirt. Willing Emily to know what she wanted but refusing to push too hard. Emily's breathing became ragged. she gasped lightly. Paige pulled away, just enough to study her face, searching for any sign that she was taking it too far. Emily's eyes were dark, focused. Paige lifted her trembling fingers, brushed them again across the buttons that evaded her.

"Damnit." Paige thought. "take a deep breath".

But she couldn't. Emily was melted into her thoughts, her scent, her taste. She wanted to taste her again. Paige moved back to Emily's lips, fumbling against the tiny buttons. But Emily gasped and broke their kiss, grabbing Paige's hands to stop her and holding them down at her sides. She stared firmly into Paige's eyes. Paige squeezed her eyes shut, accepting defeat, scolding herself for jeopardizing any moment she spent with Emily. When Paige's breathing slowed Emily released her hands. Sliding her fingers under the seam and lifting her own shirt over her head, sending her dark waves cascading down around her shoulders.

Paige was in awe. Her eyes gliding easily across Emily's flesh. Across the pale blue lace that covered her breasts. It seemed to glow against Emily's tanned skin. Paige reached and touched the flat contours of her stomach. Her skin was so soft, and warm. Paige's fingers slid across her sides burning into her as they moved.

Emily shivered. The burning sensation moved with Paige's fingers, followed by the chill of the cool air in their absence. Paige dropped her hands from Emily and looked down. Taking a deep breath she wrapped her hands around the hem of her tee shirt she lifted it over her head.

Emily couldn't believe how the moon cast such a shiny glow on her creamy skin and the thin black satin that clung to her. She reached for Paige. Tangling her fingers into her hair and crashing their lips together again. She pressed her free hand to Paige's hip, gently pushing her back onto the blanket and falling lightly on top of her. Paige felt dizzy, intoxicated by the girl that held her tightly. By her breath against her lips. Tugging heavily on her heart. After a few moments Emily pulled back staring down into Paige's eyes.

"are you okay Paige?" Emily whispered

"Yes." Paige replied, giving her a nervous smile. Trying to hide her fear from her girlfriend. Realizing that she saw the same fear in Emily's eyes. Her lip quivered.

"Paige you can trust me. I'll never hurt you." Emily whispered softly. Brushing Paige's hair from her neck, but never leaving her eyes.

Paige loved the way "sweet Emily" would use her own words against her. And she knew better than to be scared, but this was knew territory for her. Emily had been with Maya. That truth sent pain through her heart, even though there was nothing she could do about it. That didn't mean it hurt any less. But it didn't matter. Emily mattered.

Emily watched as the emotions played across Paige's face. She leaned in, suckling lightly on Her quivering lip. Reassuring her. "Emily matters." Paige repeated in her mind. Nothing else.

Paige pulled her tighter slipping her tongue across the heat of Emily's mouth. Paige's breathing grew heavier. Emily softly traced the outline of Paige's bra. Front clasp. She smiled between Paige's lips as she slid her fingers underneath, unhooking the front and allowing it to fall open. Running her fingers lightly down her chest, resting them just between Paige's breasts. Emily pulled away, just enough to look into her eyes, searching for any hint of hesitation. She found none.

"you're so beautiful, Paige". She whispered, pressing their lips together softly.

Paige trembled under her body, reaching around to unhook the back of the pale blue lace. Letting it fall to the ground. Emily smiled through their kiss. Clearly a little caught off guard by Paige's bravery. Emily ran her hand across the top of Paige's head and into her hair, tilting her head back further and exposing the soft skin on her neck that Emily wanted so desperately to taste. Pulling her lips away, she nuzzled her Paige's neck. The scent she found was amazing. Wondering if her lips would feel as amazing to Paige, as it had felt to Emily when Paige had kissed her there. Emily lowered her mouth to the skin below her jaw line, nipping her softly. She could feel Paige tighten her jaw beneath her lips, but she continued anyways, licking slowly down her neck. Paige sighed heavily, the sound shocking Emily's system. She moved her lips, licking below Paige's ear and swirled her tongue working her way down her throat. Stopping only to listen to the thud of her pulse. She moved her free hand up to Paige's breast, gently squeezing and tugging at her nipple, twisting it firmly between her fingers. Paige moaned louder, covering Emily's body in chills. Emily felt empowered as she tried to memorize Paige's body, every sound she made, every quiver. Emily worked her tongue down to Paige's breast, nipping and sucking the tender skin before taking her hardened nipple into her mouth, biting her softly.

Paige could feel tiny sparks shoot through her body. Her vision blurred, forcing her to shut her eyes, burying her face in Emily's hair, breathing her in. Lavender. She wrapped her fingers in her hair holding Emily close, closer as Emily trailed her finger lightly down to the button on her jeans. Paige tensed, fear making itself known once again. Emily quickly leaned up and planted a kiss on Paige's lips, cutting off any protest that may have been forming in her mind. Paige was scared. She was too.

"I need you, Paige." Emily stared into her eyes.

Paige could see that need in Emily's eyes, and the same nervousness that plagued her. She bit down hard on her lower lip . Emily's eyes furrowed as she leaned down and kissed the swollen lip softly, then pulled back slowly to study Paige's face. Any hint of fear she had caught before was now gone. Paige's eyes were dark, burning into her. Wanting her. Emily slid her fingers down and unbuttoned her jeans, not breaking eye contact. Watching her breathe and willing Paige to know she was here, she was safe.

Paige's thoughts eased though her body was still slightly tense. Emily smiled softly, sliding Paige's jeans down and off of her legs. Paige reached and grabbed Emily's hand tightly, clinging to her. The memory rushed back to Emily in a flash.

_ ~*The two of them sitting together on the window bench. The first time they had really kissed each other, deeply. Paige had grabbed her hand then. Needing Emily to be there. Needing to be touched.*~_

She squeezed her hand tightly, reassuringly, not letting go. Emily leaned down and kissed her stomach licking slowly down to the crease of her hip, planting a soft kiss. Slowly she began grazing her lips lightly over the black satin that clung to Paige's flesh. Paige gasped feeling Emily's breath through the thin fabric. Emily hooked her fingers underneath gently tugging them down and off, dragging her fingers across her skin as she went. Paige could feel her skin burning under Emily's touch. The way she ran her fingers lightly up her legs. Her pulse hammered in her ears, her throat tightening. She again lowered her lips to the crease of Paige's hip. Paige's hand still clinging to her own. She loved that. She could feel the trembling radiating through Paige's entire body. Emily squeezed her hand tightly. She used her free hand to spread Paige's legs apart gently.

"open up to me, Paige." She whispered

Paige trembled, but did as she asked. Her breath hitching in her throat as Emily lowered her mouth onto the moisture that waited between her thighs, tasting her fully. Paige gasped at the heat of Emily's tongue on her, spreading shivers through her entire body. She licked slowly, sliding her tongue slowly between Paige's folds. Flicking as she went. Her taste intoxicated her heavily. She should have known. With how sweet Paige's mouth had tasted, her neck, it was only fitting that her entire body would too.

Paige moaned sending jolts from Emily's mouth down to her feet. She slid her fingers to Paige's opening rubbing softly, rhythmically. Rotating her fingers over her wet flesh. Glancing up at Paige.

"mmmm." Paige threw her head back. She arched her back pulling away from Emily's touch slightly but Emily caught her quickly grabbing her hips and forcing her back down. Paige moaned loudly digging her nails into Emily's hand and the other hand into the ground beside her.

"oooooh, fuck!" she cried. using the her grip on the blanket to hold herself down.

She pushed her fingers into Paige, rubbing faster and lowering her lips to suck on her clit, softly then harder, humming. Paige moaned louder, feeling a pressure start in the pit of her stomach, tension spreading across her hips. The pressure grew unbearable until finally exploding.

"oh …oh Emily!" Pure pleasure shot through her veins, exploding into sparks, making her whole body tremble and jerk. "Ooooooh." Emily tasted the sweet wetness flowing slowly from Paige. watching her movements slow as she came down from her orgasm. Emily kissed her softly, knowing she would be sensitive to her touch now. Her breathing was heavy, with tiny beads of sweat trailed her stomach, her breasts. Paige tugged heavily on Emily's hand, pulling her back up and wrapping her arms around Emily's neck. Kissing her. Tasting herself on Emily's tongue snapped a passion inside of her as if she just now believed that Emily was hers.

Paige still lay flat on her back, with Emily straddling her hips. Towering over her, like a goddess. She pushed her head off of the ground, pulling Emily's breast into her mouth sucking on hot skin, biting her nipple lightly and making Emily gasp. She moved her hands slowly down Emily's stomach, unbuttoning her jeans with one quick tug and shoving them down. Emily took the hint and kicked them off of her feet. Still straddling Paige. She placed her hands above Paige's shoulders to brace herself. Emily bit down on her lower lip. Following her lead, Paige lifted her head to kiss her lip softly.

"I love you" Paige whispered. Grabbing Emily's face and pressing her lips to Emily's once more. sucking her lip harder. Her hand slid down Emily's stomach, finding the pale blue lace, and dragging her fingers across. Never breaking their kiss. Emily moaned louder at this Paige. Brave Paige. Passionate Paige. She wrapped her arms tightly around Paige's neck attempting to bury her face into her hair. Paige's hand froze on the spot above her pubic bone.

"Emily? Look at me." choosing her words carefully she added. "Don't look away."

Emily did as she asked. Paige kissed her lips softly before saying

"I want to see you…while I…."

Paige cut off her own words and moved her fingers under the blue lace between Emily's thighs, making her gasp. Paige smiled slightly.

"Are you okay?" Paige ran her fingers over the wetness she found waiting for her. Emily's eyes slammed shut, whimpering. "Emily?" Paige whispered.

Emily opened her eyes staring down at the girl she loved, and held her gaze. Paige continued then, running her fingers up and down Emily's slippery hot flesh. Feeling the hardened pearl Paige pinched it softly. Emily cried out, but never lost her eyes. Paige smiled as Emily bit down on her lip, trying to silence herself from screaming. She swirled her fingers faster over Emily's clit. Making smooth circular motions, squeezing her clit firmly between her fingertips.

"damnit, Paige." Emily's hair slid down over her face, so Paige used her free hand to gather it, gently pulling Emily's head back. Paige moved her fingers faster, causing Emily cry out again. She could feel the peak forming between her thighs. Sensing Emily was close Paige pulled back, slowing her movements. Delaying the pulse between her legs. Emily pressed her lips down against Paige's mouth. Her breathing ragged. But Paige wasn't easily distracted. Catching her off guard. Paige pushed her fingers inside of Emily's hot center, gently thrusting them upwards. So wet. Emily cried out again, breaking away from Paige's lips. Moving her thumb in circular motions over Emily's clit she rubbed faster. Paige was lost in Emily's eyes, watching every emotion on her face in wonder, stunned by how gorgeous she was.

"Yea" Emily screamed out. Paige felt Emily contract around her fingers all at once as the gentle flow of moisture flowed down her wrist. Emily clung to Paige's body and trembling. Warmth enveloping her entire body. Emily shook with pleasure. Paige raised her hand slowly to her lips, licking from her wrist to her finger tips in one soft stroke. Tasting the sweetness that covered her skin. Emily stared down at her, before crashing their lips together. After a few beats Paige broke from Emily's lips and smiled at her. Emily ran her fingers through Paige's hair, still panting heavily, biting her lower lip.

"I love you Paige." she whispered

"Always." Paige whispered back

Paige pulled her down onto her shoulder holding her tight, never wanting to let go. She reached for the edges of the blanket that lay beneath them and pulled it over Emily's back, still holding her close. Emily buried her nose into Paige's hair, inhaling deeply, memorizing the sweet scent. Orange with maybe a hint of Vanilla.

"beep" Emily's phone chimed in the dark pile where her clothes had fallen. Every muscle in her body tightened. Paige noticed. She tried to push up from under Emily's shoulders to study her face in the darkness.

"Em, what's wrong? Do you need me to grab that for you." she asked softly. Emily stared down at Paige, relaxing because of the worry she saw reflecting in her eyes.

"no..I'm sorry." she smiled pushing Paige back down and kissing her softly. It would have to wait. She was happy now, finally

* * *

**Kelly Clarkson, *ANYTIME* (I do not own the rights to these lyrics)**

Anytime you feel like you just can't hold on  
Just hold on to my love and I'll help you be strong  
But you're so afraid to lose, and baby I can't reach your heart  
I can't face this world that's keeping us apart  
When I can be the one to show you  
Everything you missed before  
Just hold on now, cause I could be the one to give you more  
Let you know

Anytime you need love baby I'm on your side  
Just let me be the one I can make it alright  
Anytime you need love baby you're in my heart  
I can make it alright

I look into your eyes, and I feel it coming through  
And I can't help but want you more than I want to  
So baby take all of your fears, and cast them all on me  
'Cause all I ever wanted was just to make you see  
That I could be the one to give you  
All that you've been searching for  
Just hold on to my love, and baby let me give you more  
You know, anytime

Anytime you need love baby I'm on your side  
Just let me be the one I can make it alright  
Anytime you need love baby you're in my heart  
I can make it alright

And now there's no way out  
And I can't help the way I feel  
'Cause baby you're the fire and I'll be waiting right here  
You know my love is real, baby  
Yeah yeah yeah

Anytime you need love baby I'm on your side, you know  
Just let me be the one I can make it alright  
Anytime you need love baby you're in my heart  
I can make it alright


	2. Chapter 2

Warmth brushed her eyelids, waking her from her dreams. Dreams where she held the girl she loved. Dreams where she was happy. She opened her eyes, squinting at the sunlight that trickled down through the trees. It took a moment to remember where she was. How could she have forgotten. A smile slowly spread across her lips as she replayed the night before. She glanced over, and laying beside her, and there, face buried under a curtain of auburn hair, was Paige. Sleeping peacefully, breathing slow shallow breaths beside her. Emily reached her fingers over, sliding the blanket higher around Paige's bare shoulders, and relishing the way the sun shone on her creamy skin.

She carefully brushed the auburn hair off of her face, smiling at the pure peace she found there. Leaning in slowly, she pressed her lips softly to her exposed neck. Paige was still. 'She is so beautiful.' Emily thought, keeping herself still when all she really wanted to do was kiss Paige again, touch her, be touched the way she had been last night. Any reminder that it had been real, and not a dream. She couldn't believe it had been real. Doubts had plagued her so heavily in the past few months and even more so once Paige had become a constant in her life. Fear rooted itself deep in her stomach. What if she had taken it too far last night? What if Paige regretted it? What if she lost her? She was so wrapped up in her worries, her self doubts.

Maya had made her feel that way. Pulling her just close enough, and then pushing her away so that she was never too close. Maya had always had the power. An upper hand to her heart. It ached her to think that was all she would ever have. Last night had been so beautiful. It had been everything to her. She found herself bordering on panic. Thinking about what Paige might say when she woke. Even worrying that she had not been good enough. That she hadn't satisfied her. She was so lost in these thoughts that she didn't notice the girl beside her stir slighty. She didn't feel the brown eyes that now studied her face.

* * *

She felt something. A breeze maybe. No, fingers brush against her face, stopping her heart, and her breath. The night before flooded back to her making her body glow and burn with heat. The scent of lavender filled her nose as she felt Emily's lips lightly graze her neck. She could already feel her pulse quicken though she kept her eyes closed, replaying the night slowly in her mind. Detail by detail. Touch by touch. Emily's lips on her body. Every part of her felt like a live wire, slowly sinking into the water, charging everything that it touched. 'It was like a dream.'

Her eyes flew open. Taking in the sight before her. The beautiful girl with the long raven hair. Hints of chocolate strands shining through in the sunlight. Her caramel skin running smooth and bare, with the plaid blanket draped lightly over her chest. The same blanket that she herself was beneath. The slight wrinkle between her brow as she gazed up into the trees. _'Oh no.'_ she thought. _'She's upset'._ Emily's face was wrinkled in concern. Her heart sank._ 'Way to go, Paige. You ruined __everything. As usual.'_ Any chance she had with Emily suddenly seemed to be slipping away, as quickly as it had started. Her throat dried and her chest tightened. Fear replacing the bliss she had felt moments ago. Emily's face froze suddenly, then quickly returned to a relaxed state, finally sensing that she was being watched .

She turned slowly to face her. When their eyes met, Paige felt her entire body melt. The love she saw in Emily's eyes couldn't be missed and it mirrored her own. Easing her mind completely of the worry. Emily reached, brushing her cheek softly. Her breath releasing from her lungs as though she had been holding it in. All concern dissolved from her now that they where seeing each other. Maybe that's how it would always be for her. Plagued by fear and self-doubt when she was away from Emily, but amazed by the intense love when they reunited. She felt that love now. She caught Emily's hand, holding it in place on her cheek, and leaning up off the ground she pressed her lips to Emily's. Perhaps too roughly, she thought. But Emily proved that assumption wrong, wrapping her arms around her neck and pulling her closer.

* * *

'These aren't the actions of regret,' She thought as Paige kissed her. Slipping into her mouth with a passion that set her body on fire. She doesn't regret me. Tasting Paige on her tongue again, feeling her hands running down her arms to her shoulders, then down her back. The way Paige touched her was unlike anything else.

Nobody had touched her like this before. Maya had been great but still new and unfamiliar. She hadn't known what she was doing. Though Maya had guided her, in the end it hadn't felt like this. This was something she felt they had learned long ago. A dance they had carefully practiced. Perfecting every step. Something she knew she would never tire of. Paige was hers.

What surprised Emily the most was the way she had thought Maya's name. How all of a sudden the name didn't bring her as much pain. The loss was there of course and it always would be, but as Paige's hands moved down to the small of her back, Emily was certain she was being healed. Called back from a darkness that had threatened to swallow her alive. No, not called. Paige had carried her back. Wrapping her arms around her heart in protection.

* * *

Emily skin burned under her finger tips, and the way she knotted her hands into her hair, Paige was sure she was about to black out. Her pulse hammered loudly. She had never loved anyone so much, and she had never had anyone love her the same. Something in the way Emily kissed her said it all._ 'Don't let go. I need you. I love you.'_ Paige flicked her tongue lightly against hers. Tasting the sweetness that is Emily fields. Her head was clouded and even with her eyes closed she could tell her vision was completely blurred. Emily pulled away, breaking the kiss and leaving them both gasping for air. Paige opened her eyes slowly, biting on her lower lip, trying desperately to regain control of her body. Emily's figure shifted before her eyes.

_'Yup, blurry'._ she thought, smiling to herself. Emily smiled, loving the effect she seemed to have on her and willing her to know that it went both ways.

Emily untangled her arms from around her neck, reaching to pull on her bra that lay in a heap behind her. She frowned at this. Not understanding why Emily would ever chose to cover her body up again. Her eyebrows furrowed at her as she clipped the blue lace behind her back. She had managed to do so completely under the cover of the blanket, sure that she had not exposed any part of herself to Paige, apart from her shoulders and arms. Emily glanced at her proudly, smiling sweetly at the frown she found on her face. Then she stood, stirring the air around them. Lavender again blasting across her face and taking her breath away. The blanket fell to the ground around her ankles. Sunlight feathered across her skin. The tree branches above moved in the wind, casting dancing shadows.

There had never been anyone more beautiful. She was sure of it. Everything in her being was awakened by Emily, Set on fire, and no amount of time they spent together would every be enough. Paige sighed at the blue lace that covered all the tender areas on Emily's body. All of the places that she longed to touch again. She reached to touch her but Emily moved, walking away from her and the intimate impressions they had created together in the grass. Curiosity tugged at her. The way Emily moved from her, was the most graceful thing she had ever seen. Paige reached into the pile of clothing beside her.

* * *

She could feel Paige watching her, her eyes burning into her body as she slipped away. Feeling the cool grass beneath her feet and the breeze blowing her hair softly off her shoulders. she walked to the edge of the creek, taking in her surroundings. Waiting for the pain of the past to crash into her. The pain of Maya, and of a time when they were here together. Gliding her eyes carefully over the water below her, over the waterfall, Preparing herself to crumble to the ground at any moment, clutching her sides just to hold herself together.

Seconds ticked by. Not a trace of pain, or loss. The opposite began to happen, a smile pulled on her lips. She had thought of this place before and had been so consumed by grief, but now, all she thought of was Paige. Her smile, her kiss, her touch. The way her brown eyes twinkled every time she got close to her. She heard the sound of movement behind her, but ignored it, Slipping carefully down the rocks before her, towards the water. She peered over the edge. The drop was only about eight feet, but the rocks were wet so she placed her feet cautiously as she moved.

The water below flowed clear and deep. Maya had jumped carelessly here. Scaring Emily when she took too long to re-surface. It had always been like that in their relationship. Maya had made Emily brave. But the inequality between them was startling when examined under a microscope. She had always left get uneasy in the way Maya had kept her at arm's length. She didn't want that anymore. She wanted to be with Paige. On level ground, only jumping into the unknown together. Realizing that she would fall to pieces without her.

* * *

Paige watched as Emily disappeared down the edge of the rocks. Clipping the black satin across her chest she moved to follow. Her pulse hammering in her head, anxiety surfacing at Emily's absence. She craved to have her near, longed to see her after only mere seconds of being out of sight. The amount of fear Paige felt at that realization was terrifying to her. _'I've always been the strong one, always been better on my own.'_ Watching Emily vanish before her like a mirage cut her deep. Like salt in a fresh wound. Like Paige should have expected her to disappear. She stumbled to the edge quickly, looking over. She spotted Emily standing a few feet below, staring down at the water deep in thought. She contemplated stepping back, worried that she may have intruded on something Emily hadn't wished to share with her.

But Emily turned at her approach. The way her eyes moved over her body made her cheeks flush. She would never be able to get used to that look. The darkness in her eyes as she took her in completely. The Passion there. Emily outstretched her arm, offering to help her climb down. Paige sighed heavily, relieved. She accepted her hand, squeezing tightly to her fingers as she gliding her carefully down until she was standing beside her.

Feeling Emily's heat beside her, she dropped her hand nervously to her side, looking down at her feet. _'She is so close.'_ She thought, trying to avert her eyes from Emily's body. The beauty of her. As though Emily were the sun and she was unable to gaze upon her. Paige didn't feel like the sun. She was the dark cloud that covered the sun, trying to keep her from the world and all to herself. But it wouldn't last. The sun would always find a way to fight through the darkness, shining again on everything around her. It was only a matter of time before Emily slipped through her, leaving Paige to diminish in the air alone. Just a matter of time.

* * *

Emily stared at the girl beside her. The way she smiled hesitantly at her out stretched hand. And the pain that flickered across her eyes when she let her hand go. Trying to lock herself away from Emily. But why?

Emily braced herself for the doubt that was sure to rip through her at any moment. But it never came. Paige struggled so much with herself, but Emily had never been more sure of anything in her entire life. Paige had carried her, brought her to this place. She was the only reason Emily still breathed and nothing about being here with her brought pain, only happiness and a certainty that Emily had been missing for so long. A certainty that maybe she had never had until now.

There was no way she would ever stop pushing for Paige to understand how much she meant to her. Emily grabbed Paige's hand before it had been able to rest at her side. Forcing her eyes back to her. Paige's eyes remained slightly distant, flickering over Emily's face but never truly holding her gaze. She reached, cupping Paige's cheeks in her palms, forcing her attention.

_ "Don't do this_" Emily pleaded_ "Don't leave me."_

* * *

Those words stung. She knew Emily's words meant more than just 'physically' leaving her. Emily wanted her heart, she wanted all of her. She was giving herself completely and was so close to losing out again. All because of fear. Paige looked down, weighing her thoughts, saddened that Emily could think she would ever leave her. Paige choked on a sigh. Her insides burned.

_ "Don't you know that I couldn't?"_ She started. Her eyes glistening with on coming tears. Threatening to pour over. _"I could never leave you, but you..."_

_"I'm not going anywhere, Paige"_ Emily whispered, cutting her off, smiling at her softly._"I love you."_ Emily cupped her hands around her mouth, turning to the sky and shouting at the top of her lungs.

_"I love Paige McCullers!"_ The tears slid down Paige's reddened cheeks as she chuckled.

* * *

In that moment when the words left her lips, a new resolve took hold. The distance in Paige's eyes disappeared, closing the gap instantly, melting at the sound of her voice and crumbling every wall in her path. Emily didn't wait for an answer. She didn't need one.

Paige's eyes always said everything. She may have never been good with words but Emily could read every single emotion Paige felt just by staring into her chocolate eyes. Paige was open to her. She loved her, needed her, had never been happier in her life. Emily closed the space between them then, pressing their lips together. Shivering at the sweetness that filled her mouth, as Paige slid her tongue past her lips, tangling her fingers into Emily's hair.

Chills ran down Emily's body and in return Paige moved her hands down to the small of get back, pulling her close. Both were only wearing lace and satin, and the moment their stomachs touched sent flames crashing through their bodies.

* * *

Emily's lips pulled back from her own, struggling for breath. Her mind completely at ease, knowing that Emily loved her. Knowing that Emily wanted her. Confidence had never been her strong point in life and especially not when it came to Emily. Maybe it was something she would never be able to overcome but she owed it to Emily to try.

Nothing in the way Emily kissed her lacked confidence. Emily was brave, unafraid, and more certain than anything. That thought brought with it a new calm. A new feeling of peace. Paige felt the walls she had carefully built falling under Emily's touch, and while it scared her, it also felt completely right.

* * *

_ "Are you ready?"_ Emily asked. Turning her gaze back to the water below. Emily wanted to be on even ground with Paige. Beside her not in front of her, not behind her._ "Together?"_ She added, smiling at Paige's knowing expression. Paige grabbed her hand, squeezing tightly and looking below.

Counting wasn't necessary. Something inside of them was connected, timing their movements perfectly. Maybe it was the years of swimming together, maybe it was just every emotion they shared. Their feet left the rocks together, both diving head first into the water below, never breaking their grip on each others hand, outstretched over their heads.

Emily felt Paige beside her as the cool water enveloped her body. Paige didn't pull away. She stayed, like a lifeline attached to her fingers, always there. Emily kicked up, arching her back and pushing up to the surface. Paige moved with her. They were swimmers not divers but the way they moved easily together made it feel like an art. Something they had practiced together forever. Emily gasped as she surfaced, hearing Paige surface beside her. Looking to her, and loving the way she looked in the water, beads pouring down her face.

Paige smiled at her for a moment. She had never seen her so happy. She had been happy last night, but this? This was a new glow. Paige released her hand slyly and slipped back under the surface. _'Oh no you don't.'_ Emily thought, holding her breath and sinking down after her. The water was clear enough that Emily could see Paige below. She swam down to the bottom, where colorful rocks glittered. Emily reached as she swam down after her, grabbing her wrist and pulling her back.

Surprise spread across Paige's face. She hadn't realized Emily had followed her, but she stopped swimming all the same. Hovering between the bottom and the surface. Her auburn hair floating up around her head like a **halo**, her very own angel. Emily wrapped her arms around her waist, pulling her tightly and pressing their lips together again, breathing into her. Effortless, as it seemed to them, holding a tight seal between their lips. Paige ran her fingers down to Emily's waist, squeezing the tender spot at the crease of her hips. Emily pulled away looking into her eyes with a lust that made Paige shudder.

'Oh God, i want her.' Emily tugged her arm back, pushing towards the surface and pulling Paige along behind her.

* * *

Paige had barely broken through the water, gasping when she felt Emily crash their lips together. Pushing her roughly against the edge of the rocks behind her. Pain shot through her back as the stone dug in but it was nothing compared to the pain she felt when Emily stopped touching her. Emily pinned her tightly, sucking on her bottom lip, on her tongue. She melted against her body, craving to be closer to her. She sensed Emily's need and returned it. Deciding to take a chance at surprising her, she flipped Emily around, pressing her body against the rocks instead. Making sure to do it much more carefully than Emily had. She couldn't stand the thought of inflicting any kind of pain on Emily's body.

She pulled down Emily's bra strap, letting it draped loosely off her shoulder, then moved her lips to her neck. Sucking on the tender skin that waited for her there. Soft moans escaped Emily's mouth, igniting a flame in her veins and causing Paige to moan in return. She nipped at her neck and down to her shoulder, sliding her fingers under the wire of Emily's bra, cupping her breast and rolling her hardened nipple between her fingers. Last night Emily had taken the first initiative, guiding Paige through her fears and insecurity. But she felt up to the task now, happy to take that role into her own hands. Eager to show her that she had no regrets, and that she could satisfy every need in Emily's body. Every craving. Emily pulled her back to her mouth, biting her lower lip harder than usual.

Their touches the night before had been softer, gentler. But there was a deeper Passion here now, a greater lust. A greater love. Paige tasted a hint of blood on Emily's tongue from the bite but it only drove her deeper, pushing Emily firmly into the rocks. Cradling her head carefully in her hands, completely lost in their movements but at the same time she was completely aware. Taking extra care not to hurt her. Paige pulled her bra strap down further, exposing Emily's left breast, before lowering her lips to take it into her mouth. Returning the bite, only much softer. She tasted the metallic on her lip mixing with the sweetness of Emily's skin.

* * *

Emily threw her head back, too roughly against the rocks. Her vision blurred slightly and she couldn't tell if it was from the small bump that was appearing under her hair or from Paige's tongue brushing across her nipple. It was from Paige, she decided. Emily looked down at her face, stunned by how beautiful she was and how even though she bit her nipple playfully, Paige had such restraint and care for not actually causing her pain. She wanted Paige to touch her. And not so softly.

Emily dug her nails into Paige's back, first lightly, then deeper. Trying to get her to understand that she didn't have to be so gentle. That she wasn't going to break so easily. Paige broke away from her breast, staring into her eyes. Studying the emotion she found there. Need burned like a flame through her eyes. Emily grabbed her hips, grinding them together below the water. Digging her nails in. Paige panted heavily, her eyebrows furrowed into a look Emily knew too well.

She was struggling inside her head. Weighing the possibilities and outcomes. Emily knotted her fingers under the waistband of her panties, twisting them tightly as she pulled Paige closer. Paige winced slightly but bounced back so much faster than she had expected her to.

* * *

It didn't take her long to understand what Emily wanted. Afterall, she could feel the sticky hot bite on the inside of her lip. She buried her right hand into Emily's hair, gripping the strands just tight enough that Emily flinched. Pulling her head back firmly and further exposing her neck. But it wasn't her neck that Paige was after. She used her other hand to push against the flat of Emily's stomach, pressing into her, watching as Emily's eyes darkened.

Slipping her finger down to the blue lace around her waist, Paige pulled the delicate fabric roughly. Holding it tight.

_ "Is this what you want?"_ Paige whispered. Her voice still sweet but with just a hint of edge. Emily shivered under her hands, giving her the smallest nod that she could manage, given Paige still had a hold of her hair.

With one quick movement, Paige ripped the lace between her fingers, pressing her hand against the warmth between Emily's thighs.

* * *

Emily moaned as the lace ripped from her body, biting her lower lip until she was sure she must have drawn blood. Something about the way Paige loved her so sweetly, yet was letting herself go enough to give her what she wanted, drove Emily crazy. She knew Paige would never want to leave a mark on her body but what she didn't know is that Emily would give anything just to be as close to her as possible.

Paige pressed her fingers harder against her center, burying them between her folds. She sighed heavily, relieved that Paige was finally touching her. Little did she know that Paige had other ideas in mind. She moved her hand away, releasing Emily's hair and wrapping her arms under Emily's legs instead. Hoisting her up on to a small rock that rested just above the surface of the water.

Paige stood between her knees. She moved her lips back to Emily's mouth. Massaging her swollen lip against Emily's. Then proceeded to work her way down her body, trailing kisses and small bites along the way. Much harder than before, leaving small reddened marks across her skin. She tightened her thighs as Paige's teeth approached her hips.

* * *

Paige was stronger, forcing her legs apart. Not waiting for Emily to prepare herself, she pressed her tongue into her core. Searching and finding the sweetness that she had barely been allowed last night. A muffled cry escaped Emily's lips as she plunged her tongue deeper, spreading Emily's thighs further apart as she moved, to the point were it must have been uncomfortable. Emily flinched a bit. But Paige didn't stop, and by the sounds she heard escaping her girlfriends lips, Emily didn't want her to stop. Paige relished the flavor of Emily, covering her tongue.

She quickened her strokes, memorizing the spots that made Emily buck her hips. Paying careful attention to those spots, and plunging her tongue inside to remember the taste. Emily cried out, gripping her fingers roughly into her hair. Paige didn't feel it. She was too lost in all that is Emily Fields. She flicked her tongue over Emily's clit, sucking it into her mouth and locking down, pulsating her lips. Emily bucked against her, pushing up from the rock, trying to get away and gain an upperhand.

_'Nope.'_ Paige pushed her hips down harder on the wet stone. Flicking her tongue faster. Paige felt her head screaming now from the way Emily tightened her grip on her hair. It only fueled her desire to push faster.

* * *

The way Paige moved her tongue made it seem to her that she had done this many times before. She had found every spot that made her cry out in a matter of seconds, and now, she was using all of those spots to her advantage. She felt her hips tense. A tightening formed in the pit of her stomach as she felt her orgasm moving closer.

Paige must have sensed it too because she quickened the pace of her tongue over her clit. Circling much faster than before.

"_Paige!"_ She cried out, throwing herself back against the rock. Rolling her hips as she rode the waves of pleasure through her veins.

* * *

She slowed, allowing Emily to catch her breath. Watching as Emily arched her back bucking gently through her orgasm. Taken aback by the beauty of her movements. How even in this moment of high sexuality, Emily was so graceful. Her eyes snapped to the tiny red marks down Emily's breast and stomach, scolding herself as guilt cut into her. She leaned in, kissing the red marks softly, upset that she had hurt Emily.

She felt Emily studying her, then felt her fingers slip lightly into her hair. Emily used her other hand to brush across her swollen lip, right where Emily had bitten her. Shame kept her from looking into her eyes and before she knew it Emily had slipped down from the rock cradling her tightly in her arms.

_ "Did I hurt you?"_ Paige whispered through her embrace, now looking at her intently.

_ "What? No! Of course not!"_ Emily demanded. She grabbed her face carefully in her hands.

She hadn't realized it would bother Paige so much to be a little more rough. This was still new to both of them and she didn't want to make her do anything she wasn't comfortable with. Emily only just now understood just how fragile Paige's heart was, and just how much Paige really loved her. She shouldn't have allowed herself to become so insatiable.

With Emily's reassurance she pressed their lips together, drinking her in. The idea that Emily was hers was still such a new idea. It made her crazy. It made her doubt herself but more than that, it made her completely happy. Emily had wanted a harder touch, even though the red marks on Emily's skin pained her greatly, the look in Emily's eyes was far from pain. It was love. _'This is going to take some time to get used to._' she thought.

Emily ran her fingers lightly down her back, obviously trying to be overly careful. But she felt much less likely to break. If Emily could handle the roughness, then so could she. Just a hint of her competitive nature poked through. Emily slipped her tongue into her mouth, rolling it softly.

Paige nipped lightly, but Emily wasn't having it. She kept their movements soft and sweet. Tasting her slowly as if Paige fed her life. _'Now Emily must surly think I'm weak.'_ She thought._ 'Her tenderness last night and now only barely holding me, barely kissing me.'_

_"I'm not going to break, Em."_ Paige stated, between her feather light kisses. Emily looked at her amused.

_"And I wouldn't have either."_ Emily added, staring into her eyes, Proving her point.

_"Point taken."_ Paige whispered.

She twisted her fingers tightly into Emily's hair, accepting the deeper force that was driving them together. Emily may not have been stronger while she was sprawled on the rock, but she was stronger now. Catching her off guard, Emily clasped her wrists, spinning her around and pinning her tightly against the stone wall behind her, holding her hands above her head.

She gasped at this Emily, the one she hadn't seen before, admitting to herself how much she really loved the change of pace. How much it was fueling her now. Pain seared through her spine again as the jagged rocks scraped her skin. It was nothing. She didn't care. Instead she burned with longing. Emily brought her knee up between her thighs, pressing against her. Rubbing lightly, then harder. Paige squirmed under her touch, but not from trying to escape.

* * *

She realized Paige was trying to rub herself harder against her knee. Grinding herself on her thigh. She released Paige's wrists, moving her fingers down her body instead. It took a few moments for Paige to lower her arms, but she did, resting them on her shoulders and sliding them again into her hair.

Even through the water she could feel the slicker wetness between Paige's legs, the difference in the coolness of the water compared to the heat of her arousal. Paige's lip trembled from her touch, pushing Emily to take it into her mouth, calming it. She sucked softly. Kissing her as tenderly as she had before, while her fingers moved faster between her folds. The mixture of slow kisses and the quickness of her hand was driving Paige mad, keeping her just on the edge.

The many benefits of being able to read Paige so well, and not really understanding when that had happened. When she had learned how to pick out every thought in Paige's mind, separating them like strands of silk. She could see the desire in her eyes, the want. The surprise when Emily lightly licked her lip only to circle faster over her clit. She could feel her own pulse quicken between her legs as she pushed three fingers into her center, leaving her thumb to continue the pattern of circles.

Paige moaned loudly in her arms.

_"Oooh, Em"_ She gasped, throwing her head forward into Emily's chest, leaning into her, as if she needed protection. In return Emily wrapped her free hand around her back, holding her up, physically and emotionally. She quickened her strokes until Paige contracted around her fingers, crying out. Her knees buckled beneath her. Gasping as the aftershocks rocked through her body, contracting again around her fingers, pulsating.

Emily held still until her breathing slowed. She slid her fingers out gently, feeling the warmer flow trickle out into the cool water. Paige regained her strength fast, pulling Emily in her arms and kissing her softly. She could still taste herself on Paige's tongue and it only turned her on more. Knowing that Paige was hers. That this was really happening.

_ "I love you"_ Paige whispered.

Emily had never felt so loved in her entire life.

* * *

**"Halo" Beyonce Knowles (I do not own these lyrics)**

Remember those walls I built?

Well, baby they're tumbling down

And they didn't even put up a fight

They didn't even make a sound

I found a way to let you in

But, I never really had a doubt

Standing in the light of your halo

I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened

Every rule I had you breakin'

It's the risk that I'm taking

I ain't never gonna shut you out!

Everywhere I'm looking now

I'm surrounded by your embrace

Baby, I can see your halo

You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more

It's written all over your face

Baby, I can feel your halo

Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo I can see your halo

I can feel your halo I can see your halo Halo, ooh ooh...

Hit me like a ray of sun

Burning through my darkest night

You're the only one that

I want Think I'm addicted to your light

I swore I'd never fall again

But this don't even feel like falling

Gravity can't begin to pull me back to the ground again

It's like I've been awakened

Every rule I had you breakin'

It's the risk that I'm taking

I'm never gonna shut you out!

Everywhere I'm looking now

I'm surrounded by your embrace

Baby, I can see your halo

You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more

It's written all over your face

Baby, I can feel your halo

I pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo I can see your halo

I can feel your halo I can see your halo Halo, ooh ooh...

I can feel your halo I can see your halo

I can feel your halo I can see your halo Halo, ooh ooh... Halo, ooh ooh... Halo, ooh ooh, oh...

Everywhere I'm looking now

I'm surrounded by your embrace

Baby, I can see your halo

You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more

It's written all over your face

Baby, I can feel your halo

I pray it won't fade away


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for the amazing reviews! They help me so much. I know the first few chapters were steamy, but i feel its time to dig deeper. They cant live in the woods forever, as much as id love them to. I have to write as it comes to me and right now, its a flood gate. Im going to try venturing away from the show a bit. i believe Paily is a story all its own. Please let me know what you think! Shout out to lainierb for being AH-MAH-ZHING!**

* * *

She reached for her hand as they lay drying on the blanket. It was midday, and the sun shone brightly overhead. Paige lay flat on her stomach, eyes closed, and relaxed. She watched her for what seemed like forever, and at the same time it didn't seem long enough. A beeping sound came from the pile were her blue jean sat crumpled from the night before. She jumped, startled by the noise against the silence that surrounded them.

"You okay?" Paige whispered. She was studying her face now. Emily relaxed at the care she saw in her eyes. Forcing herself to swallow and reply.

"Y..yeah, I should probably check that." She pulled her hand away from Paige, making her moan in protest. Fumbling through the clothes and retrieving her phone from the back pocket of her jeans. Two missed calls, both from her mom and three text messages, two from Hanna. The first from last night.

****hey your mom was looking for you, Em. I covered for you and told her you were staying the night and that you were in the shower. Call me! **** The second was from about an hour ago when they had been...'swimming'. Emily's cheeks flushed, heat pushing through her veins.

**** Em, call your mom! I think she's catching on. Oh, and say hi to Paige for me! ;-) **** The next message was from my mom, the most recent message from a moment ago.

****Emily, Hanna said you were already heading up to the school. I'm just checking in and I will be at the school to watch your meet. See you in a bit!".****

"Oh fuck!" Emily yelled jumping up from the blanket. Paige jumped on the ground beside her, startled.

"Choice words, Em!" She half laughed.

"Our meet is in two hours!" Emily said grabbing her jeans and pulling them on, before searching for her shirt.

"Shit!" Paige cried, now panicked. Emily couldn't help but laugh at the quick change in her tone.

"Choice words" Emily shot back sarcastically.

Paige rolled her big brown eyes, sliding into her own clothes and shoes. The only remaining sign of the last twelve hours was the plaid blanket laying on the grass. They settled for rolling it up, Paige insisting she would be back for it later. She grabbed Emily's hand leading her back out of the woods, developing a steady jog along the way. She stopped to catch her breath when they reached the road.

"I need my swim gear." Emily panted. " but I can't go home, my mom is there and according to her I'm supposed to be at the school already."

"Okay, well I have an extra suit at my house, and you usually leave her cap and goggles in your locker right?" She looked to Emily who simply nodded in agreement.

Without another word she pulled Emily behind her down the street to her house, glad that it was on the way. Had she been paying attention, and had she gone through the front door instead of the back, Paige would have noticed the red land rover sitting in the driveway. She crashed through the back door and into the kitchen, skidding to a halt on the espresso wood floors, nearly knocking herself and Emily over as she bumped into her back.

"Damnit" she mumbled, her eyes wide at her surprised father.

"Paige, what a surprise, where have you been?" She just stared at him for a few moments, her lips moving to let words out, then closing again. No sound escaped her.

"Running, Mr. McCullers" Emily said stepping up for her. Paige shot her a grateful look. Then regained her own voice.

"Yeah, um I thought you guys were staying in Scranton this weekend." She said, her voice shook lightly. Mr. McCullers thought for a moment then replied.

" I had some work to do here today." He said.

"Are you coming to our swim meet?" Hope was heavy in her voice. Emily stayed quiet beside her.

"I can't Paige, I have to fax some papers and head back out to have dinner with your mom." Her chest sunk at the distance in his voice. How he could push her so hard to always be the best but never actually show up to see her at her best. " besides," he added. " it looks like you're taken care of here." His eyes trailed down to her fingers still locked tightly around Emily's. Her body tensed. She circled her thumb lightly over Emily's, pulling her behind her back a bit.

She felt Paige tense at her fathers comment. Paige stepped in front of her, but not because she was trying to hide her, not because she was ashamed of her. The loathing in Paige's eyes was acidic. She was trying to protect her. Like her father was poison that Paige didn't want anywhere near Emily. Her heart ached for Paige. Her own mother had been to every swim meet she had ever had, yet she had never seen Mr. McCullers at one. Anger burned through her body, determination.

"Yes Mr. McCullers, she is taken care of here." Emily stated firmly, still managing to sound polite in a very Emily type way. He seemed taken aback by her directness, but recovered quickly, Smiling at her charmingly. The way a politician smiles every time he lies.

"Well good." He started. " I'm glad she has a...friend. But she can't be staying out all night. She has more important things to focus on without pointless distractions."  
She could feel Paige shaking at her side now, her temper flaring up far beyond what she had ever witnessed before. Even last year when Paige had fought with her on the swim team. This was something new, something primal almost. Something that made Emily shudder, and not in fear for herself. She had more fear for Mr. McCullers, honestly.

"Fuck!" Paige shouted throwing her free hand to her temples and squeezing her eyes shut. Trying to control her anger. While her body was completely tense, the hand that held hers stayed feather soft. Like Paige was in such careful control not to let her temper hurt Emily in any way.

"Excuse me?" Her father gawked. Her eyes flew open, staring directly into his eyes.

"This...distraction is Emily!" she started, disgusted at his choice of words. "Emily! But you know that already don't you?" That was rhetorical. Paige continued anyways. "she isn't a distraction, she's..." Emily stood motionless. Paige had told her before how she wished she had fought harder for her. She was doing it now. Her hand so lightly in her own, so soft, even though Paige was only seeing red. "She's...she's everything! And she isn't going anywhere. We have a swim meet to get to and you don't want to be late to your dinner reservations." Paige pulled at her hand now, leading her past where her father stood, heading for the stairs. He placed a finger on her shoulder stopping her in her tracks, visibly upset at the way she had spoken to him. Something in Emily's stomach clenched, wanting to rip his whole arm off for touching her at all. That intense feeling scared her.

" we will talk about this later young lady. Don't think your mother and I won't do everything we have to do insure your head is where it needs to be." He snapped.

"My head, Nick, is exactly where it needs to be. Finally." The way Paige called him by his first name caught Mr. McCullers off guard. Wounded him even. He dropped his hand from her shoulder. With that she pushed past him leading Emily up the stairs. She slammed the door of her bedroom behind them, standing in silence for a few moments until she heard the range rover start and pull out of the driveway.

"Paige?" She whispered, trying to read her face. Paige tried to turn away but she grabbed her arm, stopping her.

"I'm sorry" Paige said, looking into her eyes firmly. "I didn't... He wasn't supposed to be here." Emily, cupped her cheek gently.

"its okay, I can handle myself Paige, you didn't have to fight for me." She laughed lightly, trying to coax a laugh out of Paige. Anything to snap her out of the mood she was in.

"Yes, I did." Paige said matter-of-factly. "I didn't before but I promised you..." She leaned in pressing her lips to the tender flesh behind Paige's ear, stopping her words. 'Oh God that scent'. Her eyes fluttered shut, as she nuzzled her neck. Paige whimpered, tightening her jaw at Emily's touch.

"Maybe I am a distraction." Emily giggled, smiling against her neck. It was meant as a joke to lighten the mood but from the way Paige's body tensed again, she knew it was not perceived as a joke. Paige pulled away, and now looked directly into her eyes.

" You are not a distraction. I meant what I said, you're..."

"I know." Emily whispered cutting off her words. Pressing her lips soundly to Paige's. Parting her lips enough to lightly lick across her bottom lip. Happy to be tasting her again. Paige moaned softly under her mouth. With her temper still flaring Paige reacted quickly, pressing against her, walking her backwards and pushing her against the hardwood of the bedroom door. She brought her knee up against her center. Emily gasped. The roughness of Paige's movements turned her on more than she cared to admit.

"Paige.." Emily said between the breaks in their lips. "Unfortunately..." Paige sighed, resting her forehead against Emily's.

"I know...we have to go." Paige whispered sadly. Emily nodded, kissing her softly again before slipping away. Paige walked to her dresser, tossing a spare swim suit in Emily's direction. How she failed to catch it was beyond her. They changed quickly, keeping their backs to each other, more out of habit than anything. Neither girl seemed to notice. Besides if they began staring at each other so openly in the locker room they would surly make the other girls uncomfortable.

She held Emily's hand the entire walk to the school. They would still be almost an hour early. Plenty of time to get stretches in and to get themselves in the zone. It wasn't the biggest meet they had ever had, and this rival team could barely be considered competition, but that's not how they were supposed to think. Every meet mattered. Every time could mean the difference in their rankings, and even more pressure from her dad. She bit her tongue as the anger returned to her. The way he had looked at Emily in disgust. As if anyone in their right minds could ever be disgusted by Emily. In his right mind. Keywords. She tightened her hand around Emily's. The urge to keep her safe was so much stronger now. After last night, the urge to protect her was stronger than anything she had ever known. As they neared the school, she felt Emily's eyes on her. She didn't need to look at her to know that she was being watched.

"You're being quiet." Emily noted

"Yea, sorry. I'm just trying to get me head in the game." That was only half the truth.

"Is that all?" Emily asked.

"Yea." She replied. Whether Emily bought that lie or not she didn't let on. She humored her all the same.

" you're an amazing swimmer, Paige. You have nothing to worry about." Emily assured her. She couldn't help smiling at the way Emily always pulled her back from the darkness that fogged her mind.

" thanks." She smiled.

Emily opened the door to the natatorium. Hot damp air blasted across their faces. A few students and parents scattered the bleachers. There was still about forty-five minutes until the start. The other school would more than likely be arriving in the next 15 minutes or so. She led Paige towards the locker room, saying hi to few team mates as they passed.

The locker room was busy, and cramped. She guided Paige behind her to the quiet corner where their lockers sat beside each other, pulling out her cap and goggles. Paige did the same. Tightening the strap of her goggles in her hands, then loosening them again, only to re-tighten them again. Emily smiled. Paige always did that when she was nervous. It was insanely cute. Like how male swimmers insisted on slapping their chests repeatedly before races. But her eyes were far away. Miles and miles in comparison to last night, and even this morning. Paige was tense, standing strong on the outside while falling apart on the inside. Emily couldn't help but think about her fight with her dad. she had thought about it the whole walk over. She wondered if she herself had done anything to upset her.

Emily grabbed the goggles from her shaking fingers, setting them down on the bench and led her to the last empty shower along the back wall. It was quiet there. All of the other girls had begun filtering out or lounging on the benches talking excitedly. Paige followed her inside, pulling the curtain shut behind her. The look in her eyes partly curious to what Emily was thinking and also embarrassed at how she was behaving . But Emily ignored both looks, refusing to point them out. Instead she turned the water on hot, steaming up the small stall until she heard Paige start breathing evenly again. Paige rested her hands on hips, stepping closer to her. She could feel the heat of her breath on her neck. But Paige didn't push further and neither did she. Instead, they held each other, relaxing against the heat the prickled their skin. Minutes passed until Paige sighed, pressing her lips lightly to the top of her shoulder, then pulled away. Her eyes so much brighter than before. So much closer.

"Are you ready?" Paige smiled, pressing her forehead to Emily's.

"As I'll ever be." Emily breathed, kissing her lips with a passion that made every memory of her shoot through Paige's mind. She thought only death could bring every important piece of her life before her eyes. She was wrong. Emily could. And every important memory held this girl, in her arms now. Every piece held Emily Fields. She felt Emily pull away, letting her finger slip from Paige's hair, down her arm and into her hands, guiding her forward. The locker room had mostly cleared except for a few girls putting on their caps. They stretched their arms a few times together, then their legs. The hot water had loosened their muscles considerably.

She walked out into the natatorium, with Emily following behind her. That was their line up anyways. Emily swam anchor and Paige did everything she could to give Emily as big of a gap as she could. Her eyes scanned the bleachers. She spotted Hanna waving like a lunatic in the front row. Caleb sat beside her grinning widely as Hanna clutched his arm. Emily waved back, ducking her head embarrassed towards the bench where the other girls had taken their places. Paige nodded a smile at Hanna then followed Emily, sliding into the space beside her. There was still about 15 minutes until the start. She fidgeted with her goggles again, this time out of habit, not nerves. Emily glanced at her, noticing the difference. Paige was ready, Strong and composed. She glanced over at Hanna again, who wasn't smiling anymore. She shifted uncomfortably as Mrs. Fields approached. Hanna was a bad liar, everyone knew that. As if she was trying to avoid an inquisition as to where Emily was last night, Hanna coughed loudly. Then continued coughing, a lot. Choking almost. Mrs. Fields patted her back, and Caleb, knowing exactly what she was doing, slapped a bottle of water on Hanna's lap, amused as he stifled a laugh at his girlfriends very bad acting abilities. Emily and Paige both laughed too.

"She's crazy." Paige said. Shaking her head in disbelief.

" yea, but you can't help but give her an A for effort." Emily sighed.

Hanna guzzled the water, waving her hand trying to dismiss Emily's mom. Mrs. Fields was already preoccupied as she watched someone approach. Paige's heart sunk as she watched her father walk through the door, making a bee line for Emily's mom. This can't be happening. Not here, not now. From the look on his face, Paige knew he had an agenda. Paige tensed, clasping Emily's hand beside her. She felt her follow her gaze to Mr. McCullers, gasping at what she was seeing. Her dad had never come to a meet and the reason he was here now, wasnt good.

"Paige." Emily whispered "breath, its fine. Don't worry, please." Paige hardly heard her words. She was focused too much on the scene before her. Her dad slipped into a seat beside Mrs. Fields. She smiled cordially, obviously only tolerating his presence. He always had a smug look on his face. Paige could make out their lips moving but not what was being said. So far it seemed innocent enough. Paige caught Hanna's eyes. The look on her face telling her that their conversation was anything but innocent.

"This is bad." Paige whispered.

"Paige." Emily squeezed her hand tightly. "Look at me!" So she did. Emily continued. "It's just me here,okay? No one else. Just me." Paige knew that. The pleading she saw in her eyes snapped her back. It made her angry. Not "punch a wall" or "scream" angry. An anger that pushed her closer to Emily. An anger that made her swear she would never leave Emily's side, and know that Emily would never leave hers. An anger that completely blocked every other living person in the room. All she could see was Emily. The whistle blew and the first swimmers took the block. Paige didn't dare look over to the bleachers again. She didn't feel the need to. She kept her eyes only on Emily.

The whistle blew again, and swimmers dived in. Paige kept her eyes on Emily. After a few moments Paige stepped to the block. Placing her goggles over her eyes and adjusting them properly. She could feel the heat from Emily's body close behind her. She channeled that heat, letting it course through her veins. Paige bent her knees, sinking into her mark, counting seconds in her head as her team-mate approached, then pushed off the block. The cold water surrounded her, threatening to overpower the heat from Emily's body. Paige held tightly to that heat, letting it push her forward. Kicking as hard as she could. She didn't look to the lanes beside her and had no interest in doing so. She only saw Emily in her mind, so she pushed harder. She reached the tile pushing her body down to flip, then kicked hard off the wall. An ache in her lungs appeared suddenly. Paige hadn't surfaced for a breath the entire first stretch and now the pain in her chest was beginning to burn. It didn't stop her, didn't slow her down. What was oxygen without Emily anyways? What was life? She kicked harder, propelling herself faster through the water. Her head spun from the lack of air in her lungs. It was nothing. She had done this since she was a child. Sinking herself to the bottom of her family's pool she would practice holding her breath, clinging to the drain on the bottom to keep herself from floating to the top. One day, a few years ago, she had tossed one of her mothers heavy iron lawn chairs into the pool, letting it sink. Then she had swam down, sitting in it under the water. Holding her breath until her vision blurred, tiny purple spots replacing her clear vision of the rippling water around her. She held tighter, gripping her fingers around the arm of the chair. Floating peacefully into unconscious thought. She saw Emily then. The image of the girl in her mind sent her kicking weakly to the surface, gasping for air. Bursting into tears, hot against her cold skin. She remembered that day so clearly. The burn in her lungs now was bringing that memory to the front of her mind. It was the day Alison had stolen her letter to Emily. Anger, made Paige kick harder as she extended her fingers to touch the tile.

As her hand-made contact she felt Emily's heat again, jumping into the water over her head. She grabbed the edge of the pool pulling herself up and allowing oxygen to once again fill her chest. Surprising herself at how little she had missed the feeling. It only took seconds for her breathing to even out. She turned to watch as Emily glided easily through the water. She was graceful out of the water, but in? There was nothing more beautiful in the world. Paige kept her eyes on Emily and away from the bleachers. Her team mates shouting around her and slapping her on the back. She didn't feel it. Emily neared the finish now, cheers erupting as Emily touched the tile a half a pools length before the other team.

Paige reached grabbing her hand and pulling her from the pool. She stepped back to give her room, but Emily had other ideas. She threw her arms around Paige's neck, squeezing her body tighter than she ever had before. For a moment it caught her off guard, until she felt Emily's chest sob. Then she knew. Emily was a mess, and she knew why. She wrapped her arms around her waist hugging her just as tight.

"Are you okay?" Emily breathed. "You didn't breath the entire lap." She pulled back to look into Emily's eyes, trying to figure out what to say.

"I'm fine." Was all she could muster. She didn't feel the need to elaborate any further. Not now. Emily seemed satisfied enough with her reply, seeing that Paige was in fact okay. Smiling at her weakly. Their team mates surrounded them now, screaming and giving them high-fives. Forcing their focus away from each other.

She stopped, watching Paige toss her goggles and cap into her locker. She seemed completely relaxed now. A huge change from before the meet. A million thoughts raced through her mind. She wanted to ask Paige about the panic upon seeing her father. Paige had come out to her parents, so why was he acting like them being together was news. Or maybe he was upset about who she had chosen. She suddenly felt very self-conscious. What was going through her mind when she swam her whole leg of the race without breathing? She had never wanted to inside Paige's head more than she did now. The thought crossing her mind that maybe she didn't know as much about Paige as she thought she did. No. She hated that thought. She knew Paige. She felt inadequate standing beside this girl. Like she was no good for her. Paige hurt so much when she was around her. She hated seeing her hurt. Paige sighed heavily next to her, closing her locker softly. Then turning to face her.

"Just ask." Paige whispered.

"No, it's not..." Emily started.

"Not what, Em? You're business? It is your business. You have the right to.." Pain was heavy in Paige's eyes and that pain made her angry, pushing her to ask.

"You came out to your parents.." Emily breathed, not really a question though it had the same effect. "Yeah, I did. My mom was easier than my dad. But he's fine with it now. He doesn't have a choice." Paige looked into her eyes as if knowing what emotion she would find there. "It's not you, Em I promise. He's really strict about my swimming, I swear it doesn't really have anything to do with you." Emily looked unconvinced at Paige's attempt to sound sure of herself. She could see the fear and uncertainty through Paige's words. Paige bit her bottom lip and looked to her feet. Desperately trying to control her emotions, trying to find her words. A constant struggle for her. Emily wondered if she would ever be able to truly kick that habit. Maybe she would one day, if Emily wasn't around. The thought that she was the one responsible for it..cut her deep.

"Paige, what if it is me..." Emily breathed,

"It doesn't matter." Paige whispered. "The only person that can keep me away from you, is you." Her voice trembled now, but her determination was stronger. She felt like Emily was slipping away. She kept going, taking a step towards Emily. "you were worried before, when I didn't come up for air. That wasn't the first time." Emily could see how hard she was struggling to push her words out. The raw pain in her voice. The pain in her chest making itself known, like she knew exactly where this conversation was going. "Two years ago I got a letter from you, at least I thought it was from you. But it wasn't. Alison had written it pretending to be you, but I didn't know. I wrote a letter back..."

Emily felt her heart sink. She knew exactly where this was going.

"I know." Emily whispered, looking away from Paige's eyes. The eyes that now studied her in confusion. "Alison gave me a letter from you. I didn't think it was real...I knew Alison didn't like you and I couldn't understand why she would help you by giving it to me." She heard Paige choke lightly beside her. She couldn't bring herself to look at her. Afraid of what she would find if she did. "Alison was terrible to everyone, and from that moment on I realized just how bad she was, and how much I hated myself for liking her at all." Paige turned, sitting down on a bench to process what she was hearing. She moved to sit beside her. Silence passed in heartbeats before Paige spoke.

"I went home that day and sunk myself to the bottom of my pool. Who would care? I didn't care if I ever came back up. I had gotten good at holding my breath under the water. So I stayed. It felt like hours, until the only thing I saw was you " tears spilled gently down her cheeks. Emily reached, wiping them away, but she stopped when Paige flinched under her touch. That hurt. She didn't know what to say. The anger at Alison was venom in her veins.

"I never read it." Emily whispered. Paige's eyes snapped back to hers in disbelief. "I couldn't. The way Ali was trying to hurt you... It made me sick." Paige moved her lips to speak but nothing came out, so Emily continued. "I still have it, In a box beneath my bed. I'm not even sure why. I guess I loved the way you wrote my name on the envelope. Making the "E" look like a backwards "3". I always write my name like that."

Paige caught her face in her hands, kissing her with a passion that made her spin. She felt her tongue brush across her bottom lip. She parted her lips eagerly, granting Paige access. As their tongues met, the sweetness of Paige exploded, making her weak. She pushed the air from her lungs and into Paige's mouth. Breathing into her. For all the times when Paige had stopped breathing for her.

She gasped under the sensation of Emily's oxygen reaching her lungs. She held onto it tightly, not wanting a single bit to escape her. Emily bit softly on her lower lip, sucking it into her mouth. Chills ran down her spine, a moan escaping her lips. A beep sounded from Emily's locker, forcing them apart, struggling to breathe. Emily sighed, reaching for her phone. One new text.

****Emily, I'm outside in the car waiting. Hurry up please. -mom****

"Damnit" she mumbled " my mom is waiting."

Paige nodded moving instantly back to the present standing up and pulling her bag over her shoulder. She grabbed Emily's hand tightly and led the way out of the locker room and outside. A few swimmers and parents still lingered in the parking lot talking. Paige looked around, spotting Emily's mom a few feet away. She turned to face Emily, smiling at her softly.

"Can I meet you before school Monday? I can pick you up?" Emily asked hopefully.

"Yeah, definitely." Paige beamed pressing a light kiss to her girlfriends lips.

"do you need a ride?" She asked looking towards her mom waiting inside the car.

"Umm..." Paige started considering it for a second.

"No." A third voice said walking up beside them. Mr. McCullers. "I'll drive her home." His voice was kind but also made it clear that it wasn't up for debate. Paige sank beside her.

"Oh..okay. I'll see you Monday, Em.". The way Paige spoke showed her pain, but also that she had no choice. She looked broken at his side as they walked away, leaving Emily behind. After a few moments Emily turned, sliding into the front seat of her mom's car.

"Hey." Emily said cheerfully.

"Hey honey, you were amazing!" Emily was a naturally shy person, and even compliments from her own mother made her uncomfortable.

"Thanks" she said under flushed cheeks. They drove in silence for a few minutes. Her mom never drove silently and that made her nervous.  
"Mom?" Emily asked, breaking the silence. She expected her mom to reply with a 'what?'. That didn't happen. The car swerved into the parking lane and came to an abrupt stop. Her mom turned to her with anger in her eyes.

"Where were you?" She growled "And don't say with Hanna because we both know she's a bad liar. First, I hear you leave the house at eleven at night, then you don't answer your phone, leaving me to call all of your friends only to be lied to by Hanna. All I could do was bet on the chance that at least they knew you were safe. That they would at least know to tell me If something was wrong." She stopped for a breath but started right back up again, not giving Emily the chance to respond. "Then I came to your swim meet and believe me, I was happy to see you there alive, but do you know who I wasn't happy to see?" Again, no pause for Emily to answer the question. "Nick McCullers! Telling me more about MY daughter's whereabouts than I knew myself. So, where were you?" The last time Emily had seen her mom even remotely this angry was when she had come out to her parents, and just like then this anger was also basked in fear. And it still paled in comparison to this. Emily shook her head, clearing it. It took a moment for her to realize that her mom was actually waiting for a reply this time.

"I was with Paige." She whispered, looking straight into her mother's eyes. Not looking away, because looking away would mean she was ashamed of what she had done and she wasn't ashamed. Not in the least. Her mom squeezed her eyes shut, focusing on calming herself. Emily studied her face, trying to pin point exactly what was going through her head. Relief? Disappointment? Suddenly the day she came out to her parents pressed down on her again.

"Okay.." her mom breathed, opening her eyes again to look at her. New eyes, like she was staring at a completely different person then the was a moment ago. A different daughter. At least, to her Emily was different. And maybe she was, but if so...it wasn't a bad thing. She made sure her face was calm and collected before speaking again.

"Emily, are you both on the same page? I mean...are you both happy?" She could see how her mom was struggling, so she nodded quickly.

"Yes." Emily said. Her mom relaxed a bit more, but was still uncomfortable.

"Okay, well there's no more disappearing without at least leaving me a note telling me where you're going, and please answer your phone when I call..." Her cheeks flushed. "Or call me back within a reasonable amount of time." She added. Emily nodded, accepting the rules. "Emily, I like Paige. Really I do. Shes a great girl and I'm overjoyed to see you happy again." Emily smiled, blushing.

"Yea, she's amazing." Emily agreed. Her mom simply nodded, adding

"Don't break the rules, or you're both dead!" Emily almost laughed, but the look in her moms eyes told her not to, instead she choked out

"okay." Mrs. Fields smiled pleased and started the car, continuing the drive home.

She pressed her temple against the passenger window, letting her eyes close. Thinking of Paige. Worrying about the fallen look on her face as she walked away with her dad. She reached into her bag on impulse, checking for a text from her. There was none. When she arrived home her mom went into the kitchen to cook dinner while she headed up stairs to take a shower.

She undressed slowly while the water got hot then stepped inside. A scent reached her nose as the water beat down on her body, soaking her hair. Orange and vanilla. The smell of Paige on her body. She froze, breathing deeply and willing the scent to stay. She traced her fingers lightly across her flat stomach, flowing the same path Paige had, but stopping at her hips. Remembering every detail of the night before. Paige running her fingers up her body. She repeated Paige's movements up her sides and into her hair. Then leaned in letting the hot water pour over her face, burning the sensitive skin around her eyes. She stayed there until the water began to run cold, stepping out into the foggy bathroom and wrapping herself in a fluffy towel.

The colder air in her bedroom made her shiver. Opening her dresser and picking out a pair of flannel pants and a tank top. After she dressed Emily grabbed her phone off her dresser, checking for a text from Paige. Nothing. She contemplated sending her a message, then decided it was probably too soon. It had only been a little over an hour since she had seen her. Instead she clenched her phone tightly in her hand and collapsed to the bed, drifting off to sleep quickly.

**PAIGE'S POV**

The car ride home was silent. Her dad didn't speak and neither did she. As they pulled into the driveway, Paige threw the car door open, jumping out before it had stopped completely, and marched towards the house. Her dad was quickly on her heels, so she stopped. Frozen in place but refusing to turn to face him. She sighed, frustrated.

"I thought you and mom were going to dinner." She said annoyed. He walked around her and stopped before going into the house.

"Oh we are. I pushed it back an hour to take care of a few things." He smiled, and turned to go in the door.

"And? That's it?" Paige snapped. He didn't turn around, already halfway through the door.

"I guess we'll see, won't we?" Paige stood alone on the porch for a few minutes. Confused. What was the catch? He had been furious earlier, and now he acted like a kid with a magnifying glass just before attacking an ant hill. She walked into the house cautiously, waiting to be pounced at any moment. Nothing. Her father stood at the counter pouring a glass of juice. The tension disappeared slightly from her body, not completely.

"So," she started clearing her throat weakly. "Did you see me swim? Coach said I set a new personal record." Even though her anger still raged just under the surface, she couldn't help herself from sounding hopeful. He set his glass down, shaking his head

"No, I had to step out to take a phone call." All of a sudden her temper boiled over again. Of course he hadn't watched, he never has before. Why start now? She slammed her bag down on the counter, making him jump.

"Unbelievable!" She shouted. "You were rude to Emily about distracting me from swimming which you never even show up to watch." She reached into her bag to grab her phone.

"Leave it!" He shouted. And there was the catch.

"What?" She gawked

"You heard me! Leave your phone here." Her chest tightened, wounded. She had never been grounded or had privileges taken away before. She had never done anything wrong that warranted it.

"I haven't done anything wrong. In fact, I do everything right! My grades are perfect, my swim times are perfect!" She felt tears pool around her eyes. All she wanted now was Emily.

* * *

**"Make You Feel My Love" Adele (i do not own these lyrics)**

When the rain is blowing in your face,

And the whole world is on your case,

I could offer you a warm embrace

To make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows

and the stars appear,

And there is no one there to dry your tears,

I could hold you for a million years

To make you feel my love.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet,

But I would never do you wrong.

I've known it from the moment that we met,

No doubt in my mind where you belong.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,

I'd go crawling down the avenue.

No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do

To make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea

And on the highway of regret.

Though winds of change are blowing wild and free,

You ain't seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.

Nothing that I wouldn't do.

Go to the ends of the Earth for you,

To make you feel my love

To make you feel my love


	4. Chapter 4

_This has been my favorite chapter to write. i decided to split chapter 4 into two chapters. i felt they were better that way so the second half will become chapter 5. Thank you to everyone taking the time to read this. thank you lainierb for sticking with me!_

* * *

**Chapter 4**

* * *

Paige dropped onto her bed moments later, her throat sore from screaming. It was amazing to her that she was still in one piece. She could survive without her phone, that wasn't what upset her. She wasn't upset about not being able call or text Emily, or even that she would miss a call or text from her. She was upset that Emily would worry when she didn't respond back. She didn't want Emily to worry. She didn't want Emily to have a shadow of doubt in her mind. That's what pained her the most. Emily would be sad...

Her dad had dismissed everything she had said, saying 'they would talk once her mom was home later that night'. Then he had left to meet her for dinner. She fiddled with the drawstring of swim shorts. She still had her wet bathing suit underneath, clinging to her skin but she didn't feel the need to change. Her eyes stung but she pushed it back, trying her best to be strong. She had to be strong because it was all she knew. She hated her moments of weakness, wishing she could take a knife and slowly cut them out of her body. Guilt punched her in the stomach for even telling Emily about her diving habit. It had always been just a challenge that she made for herself, a game, always trying to out do her last attempt. It seemed innocent enough to her. She shouldn't have said anything to Emily, because the pain she had seen in her eyes was heart breaking. To Emily it wasn't a game, and that truth just made it harder for her to convince herself that it was. Thats what Emily does. She makes her want to be honest, for Emily and for herself. She makes it so easy to not always be the strong one. And her letter...Emily had never read it and yet she had kept it anyways...

She buried her face into her arm, the smell of lavender still on her skin relaxed her body. She hadn't felt tired all day until now. Physically she was fine but emotionally she was exhausted, and it overpowered her body's protests. She drifted off easily breathing in Emily on her shirt. Dreaming of the moonlight on Emily's face.

The slamming of car doors jolted her from her dreams, waking her abruptly. Her room was dark now. She listened to the sounds of movement downstairs. The hallway light flicked on, casting a stream of light under her door. The sounds of footsteps drawing nearer. Her door creaked open and her mom appeared in the doorway.

"Paige?" She whispered, walking over to her bedside. Paige ignored her voice, staring blankly past her mom, feeling numb of all emotion. Her mom touched her hair softly, before speaking again. "Paige, are you okay?" Her voice sweet.

Paige recoiled from her touch, pushing her body off of the bed and storming into her bathroom, slamming the door behind her and locking it. She leaned heavily against the back of the door for support, sliding down to the floor in a weak heap. Letting her head fall between her knees. She listened, hearing her moms footsteps leaving the room before she breathed out in a sob. 'This is stupid, Paige.' She thought. ' kids get grounded all the time. Don't be a baby.' She knew it was true but it didn't stop it from hurting. She was competitive, always struggling to stay in control and now, she felt like she was losing it. More than anything it just made her angry that they were trying to be parents now, of all times, they chose now. "After you've fucked me up so much already? Sure, why not?"

Broken was the word she'd use to describe herself. She felt like she was full of cracks and weak spots. Like a piece of coal that her dad was constantly trying to shape into something else because what she was...wasn't ever going to be good enough for him. The potential was there but she knew better than to think that she could be good enough. Emily was the diamond. Everything always came back to that girl. She thought of the way Emily kissed her last night, the way Emily touched her. The way she had sent sparks of electricity through her body. Something Paige had never felt before. Something she never thought she deserved to feel. She clenched her jaw, making her teeth scream out in protest. She pulled herself up off the bathroom floor to turn on the shower, but quickly decided against it. Another idea forming in her mind. A better idea.

* * *

_As Emily slept, she dreamed. As she floated into unconsciousness the images around her felt more like memories. A time two years ago when she had first noticed the girl with the auburn hair. Emily stood between space and time in her mind, staring down empty hallways. She took in her surroundings. As the memory came back to her the shapes of other students began filling in the empty spaces. Leaning against lockers and talking excitedly in small groups. Emily stood frozen, processing carefully. Something hit her hard in the back, pushing her forward and nearly knocking her down. She turned quickly, making contact with the most beautiful chocolate eyes she had ever seen._

_"I'm sorry! The girl said panicky "I wasn't watching were I was going..."_

_"It's fine." Emily smiled softly in understanding, bending down to pick up the books that had fallen to the ground. The girl smiled back weakly, gathering her books into her arms. A light flush on her cheek. _

_"I'm Paige." She said, tucking her hair behind her ear. _

_"Emily". She smiled _

_"Yea I...I know." They smiled awkwardly at each other for a second, _

_"Well, again..I'm sorry.." Paige said sweetly. _

_ Her eyes darted off behind Emily's head. She watched as her expression suddenly darkened. Her eyebrows creased and now instead of looking into her eyes, she looked down at her feet. Something crept across her face. Fear, or anger maybe. Before Emily could pinpoint it Paige turned, walking off quickly in the direction she had come, leaving Emily standing alone in the hallways. She looked around for the other students that had surrounded her moments ago but they now flickered out before her eyes like an old-time movie reel. They were just ghosts in her memory, fillers for the scene. _

_Everything shifted around her, changing and yet...she hadn't moved. The walls had moved. Lockers and stuffy air being replaced by trees and a light breeze. Emily didn't have to move her eyes to look around. Paige fell perfectly into her line of vision like her eyes knew exactly where to be at that very moment. Paige glided past her in the school courtyard, clutching her books to her chest. Emily smiled upon seeing her, something about the sight of Paige made her feel...at ease. But Paige didn't look at her. Her eyes were glued to the ground, tears streaking her cheeks. She seemed to hesitate as she walked by, but she recovered quickly, picking up her pace. Emily reached automatically, attempting to grab a hold of her arm to stop her but Paige fizzled out, disappearing before her eyes. An arm caught her shoulder playfully._

_"Hey! I have something for you.." A voice said sweetly. Emily turned, her eyes taking in the blonde hair, blue eyes and heart-shaped face, and the green envelope in her hand._

* * *

She threw open the door to her room and walked downstairs. She could hear her folks arguing quietly in the living room, but she didn't even try to focus on the words. Instead she tiptoed softly to the back door, slipping outside into the night. The grass was cold against her bare feet as she walked towards the blue glow of the pool, staring down at the bottom when she reached it. The water dancing before her. She thought of swimming with Emily in the woods that morning. How her dark hair pillowed out around her as she floated suspended between the bottom and the surface. She felt a numbness creep over her body, replacing the hurt. Without thinking any further she walked to a small panel beside the pool. Flipping a switch. Darkness engulfed the pool as the lights disappeared. She wanted to see Emily again. Paige sighed walking to the edge of the pool. The water before her pitch black. As dark as Emily's hair. She jumped, sinking herself into the depths of the pool.

The cold black water swallowed her body as she kicked herself down, clutching the old drain at the bottom like she was welcoming an old friend. She waited, suspended in silence. The pressure weighing down on her. She waited. As the ache crept into her lungs, Paige held tighter to the drain. With a challenge already set in her mind her competitive nature pushed the ache away, numbing it completely. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly as seconds ticked by, then possibly minutes. Time was lost to her. The only thing she had was the hammering of her heart in her ears. Each beat was softer than the one before, further apart. She tried to relax herself but she couldn't. Everything inside her wanted to scream. Opening her eyes, she looked above her. The light from the moon danced above her head, cutting through the water. It looked like separate strands of Emily's hair, glistening around her. She saw her then, smiling down as her body pressed on top of her own. Her hair falling in a curtain around their faces as they kissed.

Suddenly Paige's lips parted, a scream bursting from her lungs, silenced by the water that poured down her throat. She let go of the drain telling her body to move. Chlorine burned her throat as she kicked her body up, choking on the cold water all the way to the surface. She dragged herself out of the pool, collapsing weakly onto the lawn. She struggled to pull herself up, to regain her footing, but she kept falling to her knees. Coughing up large amount of water. 'Too much water' she thought.

Everything went dark. Blackness engulfed her head. Coating the pain like morphine and bringing relief. She could taste it. She saw nothing, felt nothing, slipping down deeper, away from the sound of the crickets, away from the moonlight, and away from Emily. The weight of her body dragging her back down into the dark water.

* * *

Emily woke with a start, panting heavily. She brushed her fingers across her face, wiping at the tears that had appeared in her sleep. She grabbed her phone off of the night stand hoping for a message from Paige. There was nothing. It was almost eight o'clock now. She watched as the last bit of pink sunset was disappearing through her window casting darkness over her room. She clicked her phone and started composing a text.

****is everything okay? Call me. I miss you already. - Em**** send.

She sighed, clutching her phone tightly between her fingers, sure she would hear from Paige soon. Her parents were probably home so she was most likely just busy. She scolded herself for worrying but all she could see was the fallen look on Paige's face after the swim meet. The pain in her eyes in the locker room. Emily rolled onto her stomach, reaching her arm over the side of the bed and underneath. Her fingers searching for the small box that she knew was there. She felt the edge, clasping her fingers around it and pulling it up. Removing the lid that hid its precious contents. All of her favorite things, rearranged in order.

Starting at the front she worked her way back. A movie ticket stub from Katy Perry. A picture of Maya. She surprised herself at how seeing it...didn't hurt so much now. A letter from her dad, several pictures taken from her swim meets, pictures of her mom and dad, a birthday card from Ali, a photo of her with Ali, Spencer, Hanna and Aria. Her fingers stopped short, hovering over a light green envelope. She picked it up carefully, almost afraid it would disappear before her eyes, the same way Paige had in her dream. The "E" on the front looking like a backwards "3". She turned it over lightly in her fingers. The corner of the seam was torn from all the times she had slid her thumb in, almost breaking the seal, but always stopping herself. She sighed, pressing the envelope to her nose, willing the paper to smell like Paige. Wishful thinking. She placed it carefully back in the box and pushed it angrily back under the bed. She was so angry at Alison and even more angry at herself for not seeing it sooner. It had always been Paige. Placed carefully in her life from the beginning to now. Exactly the same as her box of treasures. Like the unread letter that came before the movie ticket stub. Everything in between had just temporarily filled the void. She felt her eyes sting, slamming them shut she rolled back into her pillow, clutching her phone to her chest.

* * *

The sound of the screen door creaking made her eyes shoot open.

"Paige?" Her mom called. Panicked she sat up, looking around. Her skin was cold and wet, the only indication of how much time had passed. Not long. She was still completely out of sight in the darkness but she needed to move before her mom came looking for her. Paige stood quickly, making her head and the ground beneath her spin. in opposite directions. She fought through it, pushing back against the fog that crept around the edges of her eyes, concentrating heavily on taking careful steps. Calculated breaths. Picking up her pace as she moved towards her mom.

"There you are, I wanted to talk to you." Her mom said softly, as she came into view. Paige nodded

"I needed a few laps." She lied. Pushing herself up the steps and past her mom. "I'm taking a shower." She added, her voice lacking any emotion, as she headed upstairs to her bathroom, locking the door behind her.

She looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her skin sickly pale and her lips slighty blue. She felt cold without Emily's heat. Lost. Paige turned the shower on the hottest setting then stepped under the stream of water letting it burn her skin. Wanting to regain the feeling in her body. Staying there until she began to feel her skin prickled from the heat. She wrapped a towel around herself and stood in front of the mirror again. Though her skin was now its usual creamy peach, and her lips pink, she felt completely seperated from her body. Like staring at a stranger. Numbly she began twisting a few small braids into her hair, pulling it all up into a messy bun. Emily loved her hair like that. She walked to her dresser, throwing open the top drawer for some dry flannel pants, her hands stopping short when she saw her swim bag laying on the top of the dresser. She grazed her fingers over it lightly then unzipped the top, pulling it open. Her breath caught in her throat at what she saw. Laying nestled between her towel and t-shirt was the delicate blue lace. She moved slowly, tracing her fingers gently over the design. Noticing the tiny flowers in the pattern and remembering how it had looked cupping Emily's chest. She closed her eyes tightly, jaw clenched, seeing her standing in the moonlight. Her eyes snapped open, forgoing the bag and flannel, throwing on her jeans and t-shirt instead, before storming down the stairs. 'Better get this over with.' She thought as she approached the living room where her folks were waiting. Her arms crossed over her chest, waiting for them to speak first. Her mom did.

"Paige, sit down." Her voice was gentle,pleading almost but she didn't let it get to her.

"No thanks, I'm good here." She arched her eyebrows, resting her back against the door frame, making it obvious that she wasn't budging, so they might as well get started. Her eyes landed on her cell phone sitting on the coffee table. The LED light blinked with a notification. She mentally thanked herself for setting it with a large numbered password. Not doubting that her dad had already attempted to crack it. Good luck! She looked to her mom and the wounded look on her face. 'Now you know how I feel.' She thought. Her dad spoke next.

"Paige, your mom and I feel like we haven't been as involved in your life as we should be. That we've been allowing you to run around too much unsupervised." Paige rolled her eyes, looking to her mom, who conveniently looked away, clearly not agreeing with any of this. Paige made I note to herself: "Break her".

"Mom?" She asked hopefully. Her mother couldn't even look her in the eyes. It was clear who was in charge of this conversation.

" I think we need to talk about how to move forward from here." He said. Her phone chimed a new text message. Something in Paige snapped.

" oh, so you mean I actually have a say in this?" She shouted. "That's surprising because mom doesn't seem to have any." If her mom wasn't looking at her before... she definitely was now. "Oh so I have your attention?" Paige added, staring at her directly.

"Don't speak to your mother like that young lady. We are both on the same page about this." She looked to her mom who just looked torn.

"why now?" Paige snapped, her anger boiling over. "why do you care now? You never did before. You push and push for me to do my best but you've never come to a single swim meet. Either of you!" Her voice growing louder with each word. "Is this because of Emily? Because if it is then we can just end this right here. She's not going anywhere! And at least her mother shows up for her!" Paige directed the last comment solely at her mom. The hurt in her eyes almost made her sorry for saying it, almost.

"I think you two could use some time apart." Her dad said matter of factly. "I think that a break would give you more time to focus on whats important."

Paige sighed it mock defeat. "Try it." She said. Her words soft but firm. "you know..." She said, pressing her fingers to her temple, as if this whole conversation was pointless, giving her a headache and wasting her time. "I think I'm done with swimming."

With that she turned on her heels, not waiting to see the looks on their faces. She stormed up the stairs, passing her dad's office on the left. Stopping abruptly she hesitated in the doorway, rocking on her heels. Then she ducked inside quickly, grabbing the small house phone off of the receiver on the desk. Doubting anyone would notice. Her dad hardly used this room. It was more for looks. She walked fast back to her room, slamming the door shut and locking it. She fell to her bed, staring at the alarm clock on her bedside table. It was just past nine. Her parents would go to bed soon, so she waited, considering another escape to the pool.

* * *

She lay in bed clutching her phone. Checking every few minutes to see if Paige had replied. A light tapping sounded at her door before it glided open.

"Emily?" Her mom called softly. She sat up in bed, slightly disoriented and looking at the clock. Just after nine. She had been laying in the darkness for over an hour. Her mom stepped inside. "I know its late, but I thought you might be hungry. I checked on you a couple of hours ago but wanted to let you sleep." She walked closer sitting on the end of her bed. "Are you okay?" She asked, noticing the dry shimmery streaks that ran down Emily's cheeks. "Have you been crying?"

Emily nodded remembering waking up an hour ago on a tear-stained pillow. "Yeah..." She whispered. "Just a bad dream." She smiled at her mom weakly trying to reassure her that she was fine. "And I'm actually starving." She added directing the topic back. That pleased her mom. She followed her downstairs to the kitchen table, were a large plate of spaghetti and salad waited for her.

Emily thanked her mom, digging into the steaming pasta. She ate in silence as her mom cleaned up the kitchen. The food burned her throat on the way down. It should have hurt but it didn't. She was too lost in her own thoughts. Wondering why Paige hadn't called or texted her back. Was she okay? Worry sickened her, making the food roll in her stomach. She finished quickly and washed her plate, giving her mom a half-hearted excuse about needing to study. Luckily her mom hadn't questioned it. Emily loved her for that.

She dragged her body up the stairs and into her room, dropping herself heavily onto the cushion window bench. The one Paige loved so much. She squeezed a pillow tightly to her stomach. Remembering the kiss they had shared here. The many kisses they had shared since. Every single one special and different from the one before, and yet always the same. She stayed there unmoving for what seemed like hours. It truth it had only been thirty minutes or so. Suddenly her mom appeared at her doorway, clutching the house phone to her chest. A worried look on her face. Emily panicked, shooting up from the bench.

"mom?!"

"It's Paige." Was all she said pushing the phone towards her daughter. Emily snatched it quickly. Her mom heading back downstairs to give her privacy.

* * *

Trying something new. I listened to this song almost on repeat when writing this chapter so i'm sharing it with you. Disclaimer:Lights by Ellie Goulding. I do not own the rights

_I had a way then losing it all on my own_

_I had a heart then but the queen has been overthrown_

_And I'm not sleeping now, the dark is too hard to beat_

_And I'm not keeping now, the strength I need to push me_

_You show the lights that stop me turn to stone_

_You shine it when I'm alone_

_And so I tell myself that I'll be strong_

_And dreaming when they're gone  
__'Cause they're calling, calling, calling me home_

_Calling, calling, calling home_

_You show the lights that stop me turn to stone_

_You shine it when I'm alone_

Home

_Noises, I play within my head_

_Touch my own skin and hope that I'm still _

_ breathing_

_And I think back to when_

_ my brother and my sister slept_

_In an unlocked place_

_ the only time I feel safe_

You show the lights that stop me turn to stone

You shine it when I'm alone

And so I tell myself that I'll be strong

And dreaming when they're gone  
'Cause they're calling, calling, calling me home

Calling, calling, calling home

You show the lights that stop me turn to stone

You shine it when I'm alone Home  
_Lights, _

You show the lights that stop me turn to stone

You shine it when I'm alone

And so I tell myself that I'll be strong

And dreaming when they're gone  
'Cause they're calling, calling, calling me home

Calling, calling, calling home

You show the lights that stop me turn to stone

You shine it when I'm alone Home  
_(_

Read more: ELLIE GOULDING - LIGHTS LYRICS


	5. Chapter 5

_This was originally part of chapter 4 but i split the it into two chapters, so really this is just the other half to my favorite chapter! Enjoy and thank you for reading. any feedback would be amazing! its nice to know im doing something right. _

* * *

"Paige?" She breathed, her heart pounding. She heard Paige sigh on the other end, relieved.

"Hey, Em." She whispered.

"Are you okay?" Emily started "I tried calling you and texting you, I was worried..." Her words coming out so fast that they ran together. Paige's voice was still soft, calm.

"My dad took my phone. I don't have your cell memorized. I had to look at the swimming roster for your house number. I'm sorry its late but I had to hear your voice." Emily's body relaxed slightly, but something in Paige's voice still made her uneasy. She sounded too calm. so much so that it sounded forced. There was a moment of silence before Emily asked.

"Paige, what's going on?" She heard Paige sighed again only this time it wasn't the relief she heard before. God, she could tell even over the phone that Paige was fighting in her head. "Paige?" She pushed.

"Em, my dad is trying to keep me from you. And my mom won't stand up to him..." Emily felt sobs forming in her chest. She knew Paige could hear her struggling to breathe.

"Em, listen to me!" She pleaded "I'm not going to stay away from you, okay? I couldn't!" She could hear Paige fighting back the pain in her voice, masking it with her stubborn anger. Paige got that stubbornness from her dad and Nick McCullers always got what he wanted. Emily was falling apart.

"Em, i need you to trust me, I'll prove it to you" Paige begged.

It was no use. She trusted Paige with her life but she couldn't keep herself from being completely afraid of losing her. Maybe it was all the emotions of being with Paige for the first time, maybe it was partly because the she was physically and mentally drained, and maybe the reason didn't really matter because the truth was that she was falling to pieces without Paige near her. She felt vulnerable and alone. This shouldn't be happening. Everything was finally falling into place. This had been the best 24 hours of her life and now, she felt like her happiness was being ripped from her.

"Em? I gotta go." Paige whispered softly, after several minutes of listening to Emily try to steady her breathing. Emily held her breath now, listening carefully to the softness in her voice. Memorizing it in case she never heard it again.

"I love you." Paige whispered. Emily released the air from her lungs in one rush, smiling through her tears.

"I love you too." she said, tears stained her cheeks. She let the phone fall to her lap after a few minutes. Her chest ached and she couldn't bring herself to move. She hated feeling so helpless.

"Emily, what's wrong?" Her mom appeared in the doorway, walking to sit beside her daughter. Emily's lip trembled as she broke down again.

"Her dad is trying to keep her away from me. And what he wants..he gets" She cried, leaning into her moms shoulder. She felt her moms arms wrap around her instantly, pulling her close, her jaw clenched against the top of Emily's head. Trying to find the right thing to say.

"Do you love her?" She asked softly. Emily pulled away to look into her mom's eyes.

"Yes." Emily said surely.

"And I could tell by talking to her a minute ago that she loves you too."

"What did she say?" Emily asked, looking surprised.

"Oh that's between Paige and I." She smiled. "There's nothing Nick McCullers could do to keep her away from you Emily. She ran a hand through Emily's hair, soothing her. "Tests make you stronger." she added. Emily nodded, trying to cling to that hope.

"Why can't she have parents like you?" She asked. Her mom laughed hugging her tightly.

"Well, I've always wanted to adopt." She said. Emily looked at her hopefully. Only making her mom laugh louder, rolling her eyes.

"Let's just take it a day at a time shall we?" Emily sunk slightly beside her in defeat. She felt so desperate that any idea was a good one.

"okay." She mumbled.

* * *

Paige forced herself to hang up the phone, her throat tightening at the absence of Emily's voice. Her temper rising in her chest, coursing through her veins like a lit river of gasoline. She clutched her hands to her temples. Willing her head not to explode at the memory of hearing Emily cry. The broken sound of her voice. Thats what Paige did. That's what she always did. She broke things. But she was determined not to break Emily.

A scream escaped her lungs like that of a dying animal. Or maybe it was more like a predator. The sound echoed off the walls. She threw the phone in her hands, sending it smashing into the wall, falling to the floor in pieces. She paced, walking to her bedroom door and unlocking it, waiting for what she knew was coming. In record time actually, only 23 seconds. She knew because she counted.

Her dad flew threw her bedroom door, slamming it into the wall. He's eyes shocked as he took in the image of the shattered plastic on the floor. Paige stood her ground, shifting her weight between feet in a rocking motion, her hand clenched at her side. He looked at her, surprised at her behavior. That look only made her restless. Like he should have seen this coming. She couldn't even form a single thought in her mind without seeing her vision turning red, so she moved, squeezing between him and the door frame. He grabbed her arm, jerking her to a stop. She tried to pull away but it only resulted in her cracking her shoulder against the corner of the wall.

"Maybe Rosewood just isn't..." His angry words trailed off as her mom appeared. She ripped his arm away.

"Stop it!" she snapped, glaring into his eyes. He froze.

Paige took his distraction as a gift, using it to her advantage and disappearing down the stairs. Not looking back. She could hear them fighting now but she didn't care. She stopped only to grab her sneakers by the door, slipping into them as she stumbled outside. Running and fading into the blackness. She didn't look back, letting the night swallow her. She couldn't think as she ran, her mind tried to form thoughts but everything stopped short... drawing a blank. The only thing so could focus on was her legs moving beneath her, guiding her in the right direction and even that didn't seem to take much thought. It was Point A to Point B and nothing in between.

Her eyes glazed over when she saw the light moving closer. She sprinted, tripping and falling on the steps of Emily's porch. The lights were still on downstairs. She staggered catching her breath, then knocked lightly. Possibly to light for anyone to hear, but she hoped anyways. After a few seconds the door opened. Mrs. Fields stood before her, a number of emotions playing across her face. She couldn't pinpoint just one. She stepped a foot out the door towards Paige, making her flinch and step backwards in uncertainty, still recoiling from her dad grabbing her. But Emily's mother didn't stop. Instead she wrapped her arms tightly around her shoulders, hugging her close. She tensed at the unfamiliar touch. It wasn't at all what she expected or deserved. Mrs. Fields pulled away, holding her at arm's length to study her. Her eyes relieved, but sad. Paige reached, wiping a tear self-consciously from her cheek.

A glow appeared behind her in the doorway. Emily's glow. Her eyes red and wide. Her raven hair tangled over her shoulders. Paige breathed again, her heart beat again. Emily's mom nodded at her, disappearing back into the house just before Emily's body crashed into Paige, making her stumble back. She held her tightly, breathing in her lavender hair. Emily was frozen in her arms, doing the same thing. Orange and vanilla. Seconds passed slowly, then minutes before Emily pulled back to look in her eyes. Her brown eyes made Paige melt.

"I told you I would prove it to you." Paige whispered.

* * *

Emily smiled at her, pushing their lips together roughly. Her knees weak from the taste that greeted her. Paige parted her lips at the same time as she did. Lightly pressing their tongues to meet in the middle briefly, before pulling away. Her mom was close by. She rested her forehead against Paige's, enjoying the closeness. She felt a hand cup her cheek as Paige lifted her chin, placing a soft kiss to the corner of her mouth, then her jaw line, her neck. She kept her eyes closed tightly, just feeling her touch. Like butterfly wings grazing her skin. Paige froze near her ear then pulled away. Hearing footsteps approaching they both turned to see her mom come around the corner from the living room. They straightened themselves up but didn't break contact. If felt too good having Paige in her arms that she couldn't give that up just yet. Her mom smiled sweetly.

"Paige, I called your mom to let her know that you're here, safe." Paige tensed under Emily's hands. "I told her that you were staying the night, and she agreed that it was a good idea. She said they had some things to work out." She turned to walk back into the house but stopped. "I made up a bed for you. On the couch."

"Thank you, Mrs. Fields." Paige breathed, so grateful.

She smiled sweetly again then turned and walked upstairs. Emily turned back to look at her. Paige was far away. A crease between her brow, thinking hard about something. She was about to ask what was on the her mind when the crease suddenly relaxed. Paige focused her eyes back on her. Forcing a smile. Emily noticed the distance in her eyes, an uneasy feeling forming in her stomach. Instead of calling it out she reached for Paige's hand, leading her into the house. She guided her to the dining room table and gestured for her to sit. Paige sat, watching her curiously as she walked to the fridge, pulling out the leftover spaghetti and making her a plate.

She tapped her fingers impatiently on the counter as she watched the plate turn in the microwave. Thinking nervously about the look she had seen on Paige's face moments ago. She knew Paige well enough to know that something was wrong, that she was keeping something from her. Some detail that she wasn't yet privy to. Heat appeared behind her as two hands covered her own, firmly. Bringing her tapping to a halt. Paige pressed into her back, resting her chin on Emily's shoulder.

"You don't have to cook for me." She whispered huskily. The sound sent chills down Emily's spine. The closeness mixed with Paige's breath on her neck. She swallowed hard, forcing herself to speak.

"I'm not cooking for you. My mom cooked. I'm just reheating."

Paige sighed. "Okay, well then you don't have to reheat for me." she corrected.

Emily cocked her head to the side. "Why? Do you like your spaghetti cold?" She asked sarcastically. Paige groaned, slipping away in defeat. "There's salad in the fridge." she added, pulling the plate out of microwave at the beep.

Paige grabbed the bowl of salad, adding a handful to the hot plate. Emily slipped past her for the ranch dressing and two cokes, tossing one to Paige who caught it without fail. Then she pushed Paige, plate in hand towards the table. The way they moved was like they had done this routine for years, when in reality they just read each other perfectly. Emily cracked her soda open, taking big drink. She hadn't realized how thirsty she had been from the crying. It seemed so far away now. Like crying should be the last thing on her mind. She wanted to lock it away in her mind and forget it was ever there. Something about the way Paige uneasily picked at her salad told her to keep that door unlocked, for now. That scared her. After Paige had eaten half of her plate, Emily cleared her throat to speak. But her voice still cracked.

"What...what happened?" She asked, studying Paige's face. She raised her eyebrows at Emily and exhaled heavily, as if to say 'what didn't happen?'. Emily waited patiently for her to compose her answer. After a few heart beats, she did.

"Well, I told you my dad took my phone." She paused for a second, while Emily nodded. "I locked myself in my room until my mom came home..."

"What did she say when she got home?" Emily knew from meeting her after school before that Mrs. McCullers was a nice woman. She liked Emily so that at least sparked a glimmer of hope. Paige sighed.

"I don't know, she came to my room but I didn't want to hear anything she had to say. She...she tried to talk to me again when I was coming in from the pool but...I don't know. I guess I've lost respect for her opinion, since she rarely ever has her own."

'Pool.' Emily's heart stopped. Paige paused looking down at her plate, noticing that Emily was suddenly holding her breath. Now she felt betrayed by how much Emily knew her, and how easily she could read through the lines that Paige hadn't meant to draw. She waited to hear her breathe again. Seconds ticked by until, concerned that Emily would pass out, she forced her eyes to look at her, immediately wishing she hadn't. She knew what was coming. Emily exhaled softly, then opened her mouth to speak.

"This time, Paige...don't make me ask." She whispered. She could tell Paige wanted to look away from her, but she didn't. Paige sighed. Waiting a few moments.

"I didn't want to breathe." Paige started. "I couldn't. One minute I was so happy and then suddenly I was panicking, afraid that the image of you in my mind was already fading." She looked away from Emily now, and the hurt that she saw in her eyes. "I wanted to see you. So...I turned the lights off in the pool. I don't even remember coming back up, just waking up on the grass, with my mom calling to me from the house." She looked back to Emily warily. Her heart sinking at the way she looked at her. Emily was sad, hurt. "Em, please. I've practiced for years...I know what..."

"Clearly you don't know what you're doing!" Emily snapped cutting her off. "If you can't even remember how you ended up in the grass." Her voice quieted to almost a whisper. Paige closed her eyes, biting her tongue to fight the anger she felt towards herself in that moment."

"Don't do that...please?" Emily whispered "Don't fight with yourself... just...talk to me."

Paige opened her eyes slowly, unable to deny her girlfriend. "I saw you...the black of the water reminded me of your hair." she paused, watching Emily's eyes change. Something new there now. Not just love, but sanctuary. A safe place for Paige to stay.

"I met my folks in the living room, they wanted to talk. Or rather, my dad wanted to talk. My mom just sat there. My phone was on the table and it beeped. I thought about you and how you might be worried about me. I didn't want you to be. I grabbed the phone from my dad's office and called you. I had to hear your voice, and then...you sounded so broken. I knew it was because of me and I couldn't stand that so I came here."

Emily was out of her chair in a second, pulling Paige from hers. She hugged her tightly, feeling Paige's body relax into hers. Minutes passed before she pulled away. She still hadn't gotten used to someone loving her so deeply. She had always felt like the one with the unrequited feelings, first with Ali and even with Maya. The fact that was Paige going to such measures to prove that love worried her because she loved her just as much. It worried her because at the moment, she could think of nothing she wouldn't do. They were in this equally. She ran her fingers down Paige's arm and into her hand. Pulling her firmly behind her towards the stairs.

When they reached her room she clicked the door shut quietly and flipped on a small lamp on her dresser, keeping her back to Paige as she went to work, sifting through her drawers and pulling out a pair of shorts. She turned, glancing at the shirt Paige was wearing. Her sharks t-shirt. It would be fine to sleep in. She walked to her side, placing the shorts gently in her hand, letting her eyes linger, gliding them shamelessly up her arm. She heard Paige's breath catch in her throat, making Emily avert her eyes away from her body. Turning back to her dresser instead. Paige shuffled around for a moment behind her as she fiddled aimlessly with book on her dresser. Just the sight of the bare skin on Paige's arm set her off. Something that should be so innocent. Paige's hair braided in places and pulled up into a messy bun, leaving her neck bare. Emily swallowed hard. Then arms wrapped around her shoulders. Paige's body against her back pressing her stomach firmly into the edge of the dresser. Paige traced her fingers lightly down her arms, settling them around her waist instead. Emily's eyes slammed shut, leaning back into the heat of her body. Paige moved one hand up, brushing the hair off of Emily's neck. Pressing her lips lightly to the exposed flesh. Nipping softly.

Emily's eyes flew open, turning in her arms to face her. Kissing her fervently. She stepped closer, pushing her hips backwards across the room until she felt the back of Paige's knees hit the window bench. She placed her hand behind Paige's head, laying her back gently and falling on top of her. Her emotions were running high, clouding her head. She didn't care that her mom was a few rooms away. She had focused so much on how brave Paige had become, that she hadn't stopped to look at herself. Paige made her brave. The taste on her tongue started a hunger that couldn't be stopped now. Before Paige could protest she brought her leg up firmly to her center, moving her knee in slow calculated circles. Paige arched her back, pressing into her harder. She broke away from her lips, peering down at her girlfriend below her. Paige's eyes were closer than ever. She wanted to protect her from everything that tried pulling her away. She wanted to protect Paige from her parents, from the world. But mostly, she wanted to protect Paige... from Paige. So she would. Paige bit down on her lip as she continued the circles between her thighs, feeling her moisture soaking through Paige's shorts. She brushed her finger lightly across Paige's forehead, down her face, her chest, replacing her knee with her fingers. Teasing her through the thin cotton. Paige sighed softly. Instantly Emily pressed her lips to Paige's, silencing her. Her hot breath brushing across Emily's cheeks. She curled her tongue upwards, running it lightly over the roof of Paige's mouth, eliciting a quiet moan. She caught the tip of Paige's tongue between her teeth, biting it gently and soothing it with her lips. Paige groaned louder. Emily pulled away, moving to whisper in her ear.

"I need you to do something for me." Emily said. Keeping her voice just a sweet whisper. Paige nodded, hearing her. Emily continued, pressing her fingers harder into the wetness that soaked through her shorts. "I need you to be as quiet as you can."

Paige's breath caught, her eyes rolling closed at the request. Struggling to keep herself from screaming out just at Emily's words. Emily quickened the pace of her fingers, relying on the friction of the fabric to help. It did. Paige shuddered below her, nipping on Emily's shoulder as her hips bucked slowly against her hand. Emily circled faster, applying more pressure. Paige dug her finger nails into the pillow beneath her. Her body tensed and trembling, she bit harder on Emily's skin, stifling a scream. Her orgasm coming so quickly that it caught her off guard. How did Emily know her body so well? Her hips rocked below Emily's body, riding the ripples that moved through her veins.

She relaxed under Emily, panting and Exhausted. Tremors shaking through her. She opened her eyes to stare into Emily's , expecting her to move her hand away from her now sensitive area. Emily smiled down at her and instead, slipped her fingers under the waist band of her shorts, pressing into her again. The touch without the fabric barrier sent her straight back to edge. 'She's trying to kill me.' Emily moved slower dipping down to her opening coating her finger in the slick heat that trickled from her body. Tiny beads of sweat tickled her forehead and her breasts as Emily circled her thumb over her clit. Spreading her moisture. She lifted her head to reach Emily's lips. Twisting her fingers into Emily's hair. Kissing her roughly. She moved her hand down to Emily's breast, feeling her hardened nipple through the thin material. She pinched lightly. Emily grabbed her hand away quickly, holding it firmly over Paige's head. Her knuckles scraping against the wall of the window bench.

"How are we supposed to be quiet if you're trying to make me scream?" Emily whispered. Her voice raspy and sexy. It sent a shock through her body. Suddenly a creak sounded in the hallway, a dim light appearing under the doorway. They froze. Emily released Paige's wrist, covering her mouth instead.

"Shhhhshhhh." She whispered in Paige's ear. Paige was frozen beneath her, wide-eyed. Her focus only on the door. She tried to push up from under Emily but she was pinned, tight. She tried to speak, to protest, but Emily hushed her again. The light was still faint in the hallway. Emily looked down at her. Paige's eyes were shocked. Betrayed that Emily was holding her down. 'Oh God she really is trying to kill me.'

"Quiet" she breathed softly, keeping her hand tight over her mouth. Then she began, moving her thumb over Paige's clit again. Paige tried to sit up under her weight but Emily overpowered her, circling slowly, with a mischievous smile on her lips. Paige was tense below her, trying to relax but finding it difficult. Her eyes darting between Emily and the door. "Breathe Paige." She whispered, moving her hand from her mouth, then quickly thrusting two fingers into her hot core.

Paige slammed her eyes shut, biting her lip and drawing blood again from the healing bite Emily had given her that morning. Her hips pumped against Emily's hand as her body began to shake. Quivering at every stroke of her thumb. Tension formed in the pit of her stomach, buzzing through her hips. A new taste filled her mouth suddenly, like the taste of antiseptic being pushed through an IV. A taste that numbed her head, moving her concentration solely to the pulse between her thighs. She grabbed the pillow, pressing it over her mouth as her vision faded, leaving her jerking beneath Emily. It worked for silencing her scream. Ripples turned into waves as they crashed through her again. Rocking her hips as they traveled. She pulled Emily down on top of her, kissing her hard. Her heart slowly returning to its normal beats after a few moments. Her head beginning to work properly again. "shit!" She jumped suddenly, pushing Emily off of her and tiptoeing towards the door.

"It wasn't even locked?" Paige gasped. Emily laughed quietly.

"Relax Paige, she was going to the bathroom. She's a heavy sleeper. She probably thinks she has bladder of steel in the morning cuz she doesn't ever remember getting up to go." Paige looked at her skeptically, then relaxed a little. The light under the door was gone now.

"That was not nice!" She said, pointing a finger accusingly at Emily.

Emily sauntered towards her, pulling at her waist and leaned in close. Her lips touching Paige's ear in a whisper. "Actually, I think it was very nice."

Paige moaned at her words, it was almost a growl. She reached down wrapping her arms around Emily's thighs and picked her up."no no no" Emily giggled, squirming against her. She only tightened her grip, carrying her forward and setting her gently on top of the low dresser, digging her fingers into her hips. Then she mimicked Emily, pressing her lips to her ear.

"Just how heavy of a sleeper is she?" She whispered, grazing her teeth lightly over the flesh of her earlobe.

"Paige, I promise you I won't be quiet."

Paige pulled away to study her seriously, feeling betrayed again.

"I swear I'll scream and you'll have to explain that to my mom..."

Paige thought about that for a second, part of her seriously considering the risk and deciding it would be worth it. Emily put on her best puppy dog eyes.

"She cooked you spaghetti..." Emily's eyes became serious, shaming Paige. Managing to hide every trace of sarcasm. Paige moaned throwing her hands up in defeat and backing away.

"Damnit, Fields!" Emily laughed now, reaching into a drawer and tossing a pair of new shorts at her face. Which she caught.

* * *

**"Arms" Christina Perri *disclaimer i do not own rights.***

I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart

But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start  
You put your arms around me And I believe

that it's easier for you to let me go

You put your arms around me and I'm home  
How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around?

I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown  
I hope that you see right through my walls

I hope that you catch me 'cause I'm already falling

I'll never let a love get so close

You put your arms around me and I'm home  
The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved

I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone  
You put your arms around me And I believe

that it's easier for you to let me go...  
I hope that you see right through my walls

I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling

I'll never let a love get so close

You put your arms around me and I'm home  
I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth

And I've never opened up I've never truly loved

'til you put your arms around me

And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go  
I hope that you see right through my walls

I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling

I'll never let a love get so close

You put your arms around me and I'm home  
You put your arms around me and I'm home


	6. Chapter 6

**_Thank you for the amazing reviews and thank you for taking the time to read this. It really means a lot. You are all amazing! I have the next few chapters in my head just waiting to be written so here is chapter 6. After this it may be a few days while i hash out chapter 7, its going to be tougher for me then the rest. They seem to be getting harder as i go so just please bear with me and keep sharing the story! I'm so happy to be posting chapter 6! Blue Lace was only supposed to be a one time thing, but i'm hooked and feel that Paily is an important story to tell. Thanks again!_**

* * *

Her mom had set out one of her old quilts. It was her favorite, the lightest of lavender with small white flowers throughout. Paige stood close behind her in the darkness, just waiting quietly. She fluffed a pillow and gestured to Paige, her breath stalling when Paige laid down before her. Just able to make out the creamy skin of her legs in the darkness, her bare arms. She had taken her hair out of the messy bun and braids and it now cascaded in curls around her shoulders and over her cleavage. She averted her eyes, quickly wrapping the quilt over her body.

She missed the sight of her skin instantly, letting her fingers linger too long over the fabric that she placed over Paige's breasts. She could barely make out her face in the darkness but she could feel the rise and fall of her chest as she pulled her fingers away. Paige moved, grabbing her face so fast that she didn't have time to react. Pulling her into a deep kiss. She crashed hard to her knees beside the couch, leaning over Paige. Melting into her grasp. Why did she want to touch her so much? She felt insatiable, like no amount of touching her would ever be enough. Paige pulled away first, gasping for air. Her eyes sparkled in the darkness, speaking volumes without the need for words. 'I love you.' She pressed a light kiss to Paige's forehead then pulled herself up, tearing herself away before she was unable to control her body and its desires. Knowing they both needed sleep, she tiptoed towards the stairs.

* * *

Everything in her body protested Emily's sudden absence like an unknown illness creeping its way in. She grabbed the quilt lightly in her fingers pulling it up off her leg. Turning the fabric carefully in her fingers. The light purple color matching the scent she found there. The scent of Emily. The lavender hitting her nose relaxed her, but it also brought with it a new kind of fear. I guess she couldn't call it new really, because it was the same fear she always had. Ever since Emily had first entered her life she had feared losing her.

She let the blanket fall, shifting her body. A slight ache appeared behind her shoulder, making her wince. The same shoulder she had smacked against the door frame of her bedroom. While she was angry at her dad for pretty much everything that was wrong in her life, she knew she was responsible too. He hadn't grabbed her that hard and if she hadn't been so angry in the first place it wouldn't have happened at all. She felt tears burn in her eyes.

She was never into dolls or dresses growing up. Sports were more her thing. She remembered her dad trying to hold her on the bleachers while she cried over a lost tee-ball game when she was five. She had pushed him away. And when he taught her how to ride her bike without training wheels. She had screamed at him to just let go of the bike because she was ready to do it on her own, but he wouldn't. He was so afraid she would get hurt.

Suddenly she couldn't even remember where it all went wrong. She had become more competitive as she grew and he had accepted the fact that she didn't want to be seen as a fragile little girl, so he eventually pushed back. They fed off of each other. Both of them pushing and shoving until she finally just broke. Finally wanting to be the scared little girl who reached for her dad when she cried. Her chest hurt. Guilt making itself known. But even everything wrong in the last 17 years couldn't outweigh the good in the last year. The good that Emily had given her.

* * *

She stopped with her foot just above the first step, hovering in mid-air, she hesitated, listening. The house was quiet except for the sound of Paige shifting around on the couch, getting her body comfortable. She wouldn't be able to hear it once she reached her bedroom. She moved to climb the stairs again but her body wouldn't budge. Surprised by how saddened she was when she thought of not being able to hear Paige moving restlessly. Knowing that she would be too far away, and that even though she was exhausted...sleep would evade her.

She pushed her body into movement, heading back to the missing piece of herself. She knew Paige couldn't see her where she stood. Her eyes had adjusted to the darkness enough to see that Paige wasn't looking in her direction. She watched for a moment. Paige lay still on her back. One knee bent and exposed outside of the quilt. Her arms resting across her face like she was shielding her eyes from a bright light, or worse, like she was crying. She inched forward slowly, reaching her fingers out to touch her arm. She expected Paige to jump at her touch, surprised by Emily sneaking up on her, but she didn't. It was like Paige expected her to return. Like it was just as hard for her to be away from Emily.

Paige scooted over on the couch, pulling the quilt up to make room. Emily slipped under the blanket, pressing herself to Paige's body. She nuzzled her face under her chin, breathing deeply as Paige closed her arms tightly around her , holding her closer than ever. Their legs entangled together beneath the quilt. Paige traced her hand up Emily's back and into her hair, combing her fingers softly through the dark silk, pressed her lips to the part of her hair, letting them stay there. Intoxicated by the scent. Emily listened to her slow deliberate breaths as she drifted off, instantly being thrust back into the memory of their night in the woods when they had fallen asleep in each others arms for the first time.

She woke to a small nudge on her shoulder. Her eyes opened to see Paige still asleep, her face relaxed and beautiful. She was still wrapped tightly in Paige's arms. Neither of them had moved all night. Another nudge. She turned, her eyes quickly finding her mom standing over her. 'Shit' she thought. She swallowed hard, about to jump up from the couch when her mom spoke.

"Emily, sshhh." She whispered. "I have to run some errands. I'll be back before dinner. There's breakfast on the counter." she smiled grabbing her purse off of the table and walking quietly out the front door.

Emily exhaled, calming herself. She expected her mom to freak out about them being on the couch together, but she hadn't. Emily looked down taking in the sight her mother must have seen . The quilt lay half on the floor, exposing their tangled mess of limbs. Her flannel pants wrapping around Paige's uncovered skin. Emily's legs were acting as a blanket for her, keeping her warm. While their bodies were twisted around each other, they were decent enough. She moved her eyes back to Paige's face, touching her cheek tentatively. Her auburn hair trailing down her shoulders, slightly curling at the ends. She let her eyes slide shut again, too tired to fight it.

* * *

Lips pressed to her temple, waking her. It took a few moments for her eyes to open and moments more to remember where she was. Emily hovered over her, waving something in the air above her face. Her glossy eyes trying their best to focus on the object when really all she could see clearly was Emily. The scent of sugar reached her nose, making her eyes focus instantly on the donut in her hand. Emily smiled, teasing her awake. She reached for the enticing food, but Emily pulled it away quickly for a second, then moved it closer again.

She may have just woken up but Emily was underestimating her. She moved fast, reaching again only this time she made contact, clasping tightly around Emily's wrist, pulling her firmly down on top of her body. Emily's lips were now inches from her own. Surprise turning into intoxication in Emily's eyes. She loved how affected Emily was by the sudden closeness, slightly disoriented actually. Proud that she had the ability to make Emily lose her breath, and proud that the flush on Emily's cheeks was because of her. It was still new and foreign to her, and part of her felt guilty for what she was about to do, but only a small part. She moved her lips closer, closing the gap. Right before they touched she released Emily's wrist, snatching the donut out of her hand instead. Emily scoffed, slugging her in the shoulder as she laughed.

"You're too easy, Fields!" She said, biting into the sugary pastry. She choked on the first bite when she looked at Emily. Arms crossed over her chest, arching an eyebrow. Uh oh. She coughed on the piece in her mouth, nearly inhaling it. "That's not what I meant...on the contrary you're quiet difficult." She assured, giving Emily a weak smile.

Emily laughed, shaking her head and turning on her heels towards the kitchen.

* * *

Paige didn't hesitate. She jumped up from the couch following behind her. Emily stopped at the counter, reaching for another donut but Paige grabbed her wrist again as her fingers hovered inches away from the food. Emily dropped her hand to the counter in defeat. Paige tightened her grip, pressing her lips in slowly to Emily's ear.

"What time will your mom be home?"

Emily wrinkled her eyebrows. "I don't know...she said before dinner. She takes forever in stores." Emily answered automatically. "Why?" She added. Paige released her, backing away slowly untill her back was pressed against the counter opposite from her. She glanced at the clock on the microwave. It was 10 am now.

"Whhyyy?" Emily asked again, more cautiously this time. She studied Paige's eyes for a moment, then backed away slowly towards the door, keeping her eyes fixed on Paige. She held out her arms in front of her creating a barrier, her body tensed. "No!" She said firmly, pointing her finger accusingly at Paige. "Don't you dare!"

Paige took a small deliberate step towards her.

"Em, it will be easier if you don't fight." She said, her face serious and dark.

Emily froze in her tracks at once, sizing Paige up. Her heart hammered loudly in her ears. She stepped back slowly, hoping to put as much space between them as possible without drawing attention. Her back hit the doorway stopping her. Paige had frozen in her place after the first step, just waiting for her to make a move. So she did. She turned her body, bolting from the kitchen and nearly slipping on the wooden floors. She heard Paige break into a run behind her as she approached the stairs, she stumbled, tripping her way up as Paige reached locking onto her ankle.

"No...stop!" She screamed, pulling her leg away. She pushed herself up again, forcing herself to climb the rest of stairs as fast as she could. Paige was on her heels.

"Paybacks a bitch, Fields!"

She lunged herself into her room trying to block Paige with the door, pressing all her weight into it. Paige pushed back just as hard. Suddenly she realized just how evenly matched they really were.

"Ouch, shit." Paige cried, stumbling back away from the door.

Worried, Emily stopped pushing, throwing the door open quickly to see if she was okay. Paige pounced instantly, grabbing hold of her waist and pushing her back. Both of them landing in a heap on the floor. Knocking the air out of their lungs. Paige pinned her down on her back.

"You tricked me!" Emily gasped in mock horror. "That's not nice!" Paige pressed down on top of her, bringing her lips to Emily's ear.

"I'm sorry." She whispered softly, listening Emily's staggered breathing before adding, "but actually...I'm about to be very nice", smiling when she heard Emily's breath catch.

Paige bit softly on Emily's earlobe then pulled away to look into her eyes.

"Because now...your mom isn't here to hear you scream." She smiled.

Emily's eyes widened for a second then smiled sweetly. Paige loved her smile, but it was only meant to distracted her. Emily used it, shifting herself under Paige's body and slipping away. Paige caught her waist as Emily tried to pull herself back to feet, stopping her and making Emily fall back to floor only this time..on her stomach. She clambered over her back resting her weight on Emily's hips from behind. Grabbing her wrists she held them over her head, waiting patiently for Emily to stop wiggling below her. Emily stilled, adjusting quickly to feeling of Paige on top of her, behind her, and admitting to herself how much she loved it. Paige leaned in, brushing the hair from the back of her neck, kissing it softly.

"Please don't fight me." Her voice was sweet and pleading but extremely sexy at the same time.

It was just like Paige to be able to control her voice perfectly. To shape it into conveying every emotion she felt. Emily knew the game was over when an ache started between her legs. Suddenly, Paige couldn't touch her fast enough. She stopped struggling.

* * *

She released Emily's wrists, dragging her nails lightly down to her underarm, then down her sides. Moving them under the hem of her t-shirt and around to her breast. Happy that she wasn't wearing a bra. Emily pushed up slightly below her, resting more on her elbows and giving her more room to work. Her ass pressing firmly into Paige's hips. She ran her hand over Emily's hardened nipple, twisting it between her fingers. Emily gasped, a gutteral moan escaping her lips, lighting a fire through Paige. She slipped her hand down Emily's back and dug her nails into her hips. She could feel the heat of Emily's body pressing into the front of her shorts. Emily raised her body slightly giving Paige enough room to wrap her arm around her waist, pulling her up slightly. She didn't hesitate, reaching her hand under the front of the flannel pants and pressing her fingers into Emily's hot slit. It was her own moan she heard first this time.

"Oh God, Em." She sighed. The moisture making it easy for her to glide across her tender flesh. "you're so wet."

Emily moaned loudly, arching her back and pressing her ass harder into Paige's hips. The angle made it impossible for her to enter Emily, but she continued her slow deliberate strokes. Feeling the hardened bundle of nerves Paige pressed the tip of her finger into it firmly. Emily cried out louder, but it wasnt quite the scream that she wanted. The fabric of Emily's pants was severely restricting her movements. Using her free hand she slid them down and off of her waist, pulling Emily's hips up so that she rested more on her knees. Dragging her nails harder over the now exposed skin. Emily gasped. Paige continued the movements, stroking her lips firmly, focusing her attention mostly on her sensitive nub. Picking up her speed as Emily cried out, then slowing again when she felt Emily tense on the edge. She wanted that scream but she wanted to work for it. Paige moved her free hand between her thighs, thrusting three fingers into Emily from behind. She could touch Emily like this forever. I beauty of the sweat shining across the back of Emily's neck. The scent of her arousal. She was like a magnet. As Emily moved, Paige would counter that movement flawlessly. When Emily arched her back, Paige would pull her closer. Everything was beautiful about the way Emily moaned and whimpered at her touch. Like it was programmed in her DNA to know Emily's body so well. Like it was made just for her. She picked up the pace of her fingers on her clit, curling her fingers as she extracted them. Working both spots now with an unwavering determination.

"Oh fuck!" Emily cried, taken by surprise. Paige leaned closer to her as she felt Emily begin to tense below.

"Cum for me, Em." She whispered, moving her fingers in firm steady strokes.

Emily screamed at her command. Her walls clamping down on Paige's fingers. Her body shuddering as tremors moved through her. She continued pumping her fingers, slowing as Emily rocked into her hips. Then her girlfriend collapsed onto her stomach, breaking her contact with the sensitive flesh. Emily rolled onto her back, pulling Paige down on top of her. Each of them parting their lips before they touched. Paige's auburn hair cascaded down, forming a curtain around them.

The blast of Emily's hot breath hit her tongue, coating her mouth in sweetness. She melted. Euphoria sending shocks through her own body. She wanted to freeze this moment. Freeze the glisten on Emily's skin. Freeze the raw need in her eyes. Nothing in the world could keep her away from this girl, this woman. Nothing. Emily broke away first, smiling up at her. Melting Paige all over again. Paige could feel her own lips trembling from the intensity of the moment. So caught up in being the one that sent Emily over the edge. She felt her eyes sting from the overwhelming emotions. It was one thing when Emily touched her but, touching Emily? Nothing felt better or more right.

* * *

She gripped Paige's hair tightly pulling it away from her face. She wanted to see her. Paige's eyes glistened, tear threatening to pour over. She was trembling too.

'Paige, whats wrong?" she studied her carefully, unsure of what emotion she was seeing. Paige looked away shaking her head slightly as if trying to clear it.

"Nothing...its just...you" A tear slid down, betraying her completely. Emily released her hair, wiping the moisture from her cheek instead. Paige smiled weakly, letting her eyes close. She moved in, pressing a kiss to her lips. Paige melted into her body, cupping her face in her hands. Slow deep kisses as their tongues moved together. They kissed until the trembling was gone. Emily pulling back to study her again. Her eyes were brighter now. Paige didn't break away from her eyes and she was glad. She could stare into them forever.

She shifted under her, accidentally bumping her knee lightly into Paige's. Paige winced. She didn't think she had bumped her hard enough to elicit a wince. Paige composed her face fast, hiding it. So she tested the waters, nudging her leg lightly into Paige's knee again. The same wince, there and gone before she could blink. Only a slight flicker behind her eyes.

She tensed, pushing up from under her body and pulling the flannel back up over her skin . Sitting herself up, she grabbed Paige's thigh, letting her eyes fall to examine her leg. Sure enough a deep purple bruise was forming above her knee cap. Paige looked away. She ran her fingers lightly towards the bruise, stopping just shy of it. Then looked at Paige incredulously.

"You let me think that you had tricked me." She called her out. Looking at her in shock. Paige looked away sheepishly. Her answer already formed in her mind.

"Better that then have you feel bad for critically wounding me." Paige laughed. Emily didn't laugh.

She looked away from Paige's eyes, letting them fall back to the bruise. It seemed to darken more. She did feel bad. After all she had put up the fight.  
"Em, seriously. Its fine." She said, pressing her own fingers hard into the bruise . This time masking her discomfort flawlessly. That only made Emily feel worse. Paige always protected her. Her mind moved to the previous day. The far away look in her eyes on the porch and again while she was eating.

"When is it my turn to protect you?" She mumbled.

Paige crinkled her eyes, confused. Trying to discern what Emily was taking about. Telling herself that she didn't know when in all reality, she did. She played dumb anyways.

"Em, it's just a love wound, it's not that big of a deal. Really!" Emily rolled her eyes, not buying any of it.

"You know that's not what I mean." She said.

"Wh..what do you mean?" She asked. Emily huffed impatiently.

"I mean yesterday when my mom told you that your parents had some things to work out. That bothered you." She noted

She tensed at Emily's assessment, pulling her eyes away. The eyes Emily read too easily.

"Yeah, it did. They have tons of their own issues to work out, and yet they're focused so much on me." She sighed.

"Is that all that bothered you?" Emily pressed. Paige hesitated for a moment.

"Yes." She replied. Her voice empty. Emily didn't know what hurt more. The fact that Paige was lying to her or that it was suddenly hard for her to tell if it was a lie. So she gambled.

"Don't lie to me Paige." She whispered, making Paige's eyes snap back in shock. Her mouth struggling to find her voice.

"Em, I'm not...I promise. It's just...a hunch... I don't kn.."

"What kind of hunch, Paige?" Emily cut her off. "You know more than you're telling me."

Paige closed her eyes tightly, biting her usual spot on her tongue. She breathed out heavily, staring into Emily's eyes. Her words poured out in a jumble.

"My dad mentioned something about Rosewood. He's done it before when he gets mad but he's never actually done anything..."

"What about Rosewood?" Emily interrupted, emotions crashing into her like a brick wall.

The look on Emily's face made her want to stop this conversation, but she couldn't. She knew Emily wouldn't let her.

"About Rosewood not being the best place for me." She heard a sob forming in Emily's chest. The rise and fall of her chest increasing. But she continued.

"I just thought..maybe...If he was mad enough.."

"That he'd what? Send you away?"

"Em, please...he won't. He's just making empty threats." She pleaded. As much as she hated that lie, she knew she had no choice in saying it. Because the truth of the matter was...she didn't know what he would do.

The sob that had been forming broke through her chest. She knew better. Remembering a time when she had been in Paige's shoes.

"You don't know that." Emily whispered. "You probably think my family has always been perfect but it hasn't." She fought back her tears. Here she was wanting to protect Paige but instead she was losing it. She wiped her eyes, steadying her breathing before she spoke again.

"They sent me away one time. When I had first come out to them. They sent me away to stay with family, hoping it would..."fix" me."

Paige listened in silence, biting back her own tears and her own uncertainty  
for her future. Watching Emily carefully.

"Em, theres no reason for them to send me anywhere. I've already come out to them, almost six months ago. This isn't news..."

"Well, I'm not letting you go anywhere." Emily whispered.

* * *

Paige's eyes softened. Something in the way she whispered those words. She loved Emily but she felt guilty for all the times she had hurt her. She felt powerless to stop hurting her. Like she didn't have a choice, because she would always find a way to do something wrong. Not because she wanted to but because she knew she didn't deserve Emily. She would never feel good enough and that fear would always keep her at arm's length instead of in Emily's arms. She wanted to be in Emily's arms.

"I know." Paige whispered. It was all she could say to comfort her in that moment. Emily just nodded, making a decision in her mind and sealing it away for a later time.

She sat still, silently watching Emily who stared blankly down at her fingers fiddling with the draw string of her pants. Time passed slowly, it felt like hours and it very well may have been before Paige pulled herself to her feet. Emily snapped out of her daze, following her up. A slight panic in her eyes.

"I...better get home." Paige said, grabbing her jeans off of Emily's floor and replacing the shorts she was wearing.

"Oh...okay" Emily mumbled, looking unsure. Paige looked at her sympathetically, cocking her head to the side.

"Em, its okay." She soothed, brushing Emily's hair away from her face. "I'll call you."

Emily smiled half heartedly "They took your phone."

"So? I'll call you from the house phone again." She hated another lie but she couldn't easily explain to Emily as to why her folks had probably hidden every phone in the house. "And you're still picking me up before school tomorrow, right?" Paige added.

"Yeah, of course." Emily smiled weakly. She kissed Emily's forehead and turned away. Leaving her standing alone in her room.

When she stepped off the porch it took everything in her not to turn around and run back to Emily's arms, or to even glance up at her bedroom window. She felt eyes on the back of her neck all the same. Emily was watching her leave. While it pained her, she knew that she had to go home and face her folks. She picked up her pace, slowing only when she was sure Emily couldn't see her anymore. And at that point it took everything in her not to fall to her knees.

The sky was cloudy, today. Thunderstorms rolling in the distance. The leaves had just started changing on the trees. Breaking off from the branches and floating gently to the ground. Her feet crushing them into the sidewalk as she moved. Suddenly she felt a million miles away. Everything around her was a far cry from their moonlit night. The warm breeze had changed into a much cooler chill. She wanted to slow time, to go back, but her feet kept moving her forward. Powerless to stop. Everything was changing. They had made love for the first time on a warm September night and now, nothing around her resembled it. Like it had been the last warm night of the year before everything began dying. Their first night of bliss before everything shattered to the ground. Paige shrugged off the dark feeling in her mind and the on-coming change in the air. It was just a fabrication caused by the changing of seasons. Nature at its finest, picking incessantly at her fear of losing Emily.

It was no surprise to her when she spotted her dad's car in the driveway, though she had silently prayed the whole way home that it would be gone. Wishful thinking. She straightened herself up, walking in the front door. Her heart falling to the floor at what she saw.

* * *

Song Inspiration. **Lana Del Rey Summertime Sadness**

**Bruno Mars Just the way you are**

Songwriters: WALTON, KHALIL / MARS, BRUNO / LAWRENCE, PHILIP / LEVINE, ARI / CAIN, KHARI

Oh her eyes her eyes

Make the stars look like they're not shining

Her hair her hair Falls perfectly without her trying  
She's so beautiful

And I tell her every day  
Yeah I know I know

When I compliment her She won't believe me

And it's so, it's so

Sad to think that she don't see what I see  
But every time she asks me "Do I look okay?" I'll say  
When I see your face

There's not a thing that I would change

Cause you're amazing

Just the way you are

And when you smile

The whole world stops and stares for a while

Cause girl you're amazing

Just the way you are

Yeah her lips her lips

I could kiss them all day if she'd let me

Her laugh her laugh

She hates but I think it's so sexy

She's so beautiful

And I tell her everyday  
Oh you know you know you know

I never ask you to change

If perfect's what you're searching for Then just stay the same  
So, don't even bother asking

If you look okay You know I'll say  
When I see your face

There's not a thing that I would change

Cause you're amazing

Just the way you are

And when you smile

The whole world stops and stares for a while

Cause girl you're amazing Just the way you are  
The way you are

The way you are Girl you're amazing

Just the way you are  
When I see your face

There's not a thing that I would change

Cause you're amazing

Just the way you are

And when you smile

The whole world stops and stares for a while

Cause girl you're amazing

Just the way you are


	7. Chapter 7

**_Finally chapter 7! Thank you to everyone who is reading this and following my story and thank you for all of the amazing reviews. I always try my best to reply to them. Thank you lainerb for being so patient with me and sticking with this story. It means a lot. Please feel free to PM me any questions you may have, i'll always get right back to you. Sorry this one took a few days to get ready. It was a tough one to write._**

* * *

She watched Paige leave from her bedroom window, wanting to go after her. To go with her to face her parents. Her gut telling her that it was her battle too, because it was. There was no way around it. Paige wouldn't have let her, and she wouldn't have fought it because even though she had insisted this battle had nothing to do with Emily, Paige knew better. It had everything to do with her.

Paige insisted on always being strong for her, but in the wake of her pain Emily could see right through it. Telling lies to comfort her was Paige's way of trying to hold _herself_ together. Not only protecting Emily but pleading with Emily to believe the lie because it meant Paige could go on lying to herself. It was Paige's way of holding _herself_ together while watching Emily cry. She knew how much that had hurt Paige. These unspoken thoughts were what held them so close. It was the core of how well they knew each other. How much they both depended heavily on protecting one another not only for each other but for themselves as well.

It was them saying "If I can't protect you...If you don't let me, I'll fall apart. I'll have nothing."

So, Instead she watched Paige disappear down the street, imagining that she were by her side the whole way. How the leaves on the sidewalk would sound, crushing beneath both of their feet as they walked. How because the wind blew those leaves across the ground she would probably cling to Paige's arm for warmth. She stared for awhile after Paige was out of sight, only turning away when the emptyness closed around her, making the silence in the house deafening. She turned from the window then, her eyes falling to the pillow on her window bench, just for a second. she grabbed her phone off her dresser, tucking into the pocket of her flannel pants before she walked back downstairs.

Suddenly it didn't feel like the same house anymore. It was too quiet. Everything looked the same as it always had and maybe it wasn't really the house that was different. Maybe it was just her. Maybe it was the absence of Paige's laughter as she chased her up the stairs.

She walked into the living room, falling onto the couch and pulling the quilt up over her head. Paige's scent still lingered there. She hugged the pillow tightly to her stomach, wrapping her legs around it. That position, with the smell of Paige was the next best thing to actually holding her. So she pretended she was there. Her arms wrapped tightly around her as they had the night before. She didn't know how long she stayed there, minutes, hours, maybe days..It felt like days. It wasn't until she heard her mom's keys in the door that she realized she had fallen asleep. Footsteps approached the living room, coming to a stop beside the couch.

"Emily? Paige?" She whispered. Emily pulled the blanket down from over her head.

"It's just me. Paige had to go home." Concern crossed her moms eyes.

"What happened? Did her father show up here?" Her voice was now alert.

"No, she just figured she should head home so they could talk." Emily wiped her hair from her face, straightening herself up on the couch. Her mom relaxed, nodding in understanding.

"Well, that's probably a good idea." She waited a few moments to speak again, trying to think of what to say. "Emily, did Paige just come out to her parents? Is that what this is about?" She asked warily.

"No...she came out to them months ago...I'm not sure what this is. I think its just about me." She mumbled, standing from the couch and grabbing the quilt into a bundle in her arms. Her moms face looked shocked, disgusted even. Unfortunately for her, Emily wasn't in the mood to talk. Especially about something that she was so unsure of herself. Instead she walked around her mom, heading towards the stairs. Her mom grabbed her arm softly.

"Emily, if her father has said anything to you.."

"No mom, he hasn't. And I don't really want to talk about it right now." Her voice soft and pleading. Her mom dropped her arm, nodding. Instead of waiting for her to say anything else she marched up the stairs, closing her bedroom door quietly behind her.

She dropped the lavender quilt on her bed. Reaching for her cell phone in her pocket. No missed calls. There was a text message from Hanna though.

****Hey, movie tonight with the girls? Bring Paige!**** Emily replied quickly.

****can't I'm busy, sorry. Have fun. -Em****

She had just set her phone down on the bed when it chimed. She grabbed it, her mind instantly going to Paige.

****God Em, I said bring Paige! Lol****

Emily rolled her eyes, getting more impatient with each passing moment. Somehow just Paige's named being mentioned was painful.

****I actually have homework! -Em**** She held the phone in her hands, waiting for Hanna to reply back because she knew the second she set it down, it would chime again.

****if you say so...see you tomorrow. ;)****

She tossed her phone on the bed, not bothering with a reply. What's the point? It wasn't Hanna's fault. She didn't know what was going on but right now, she was too annoyed to deal with anything. She started the shower, stepping inside once it got hot. As before, the scent of Paige clung to her skin. She washed her hair and body quickly, forcing herself to breathe through her mouth. Forcing herself to ignore the Orange and vanilla that was being rinsed from her body. It saddened her too much to focus on, but it was inevitable. She dried herself, slipping into a clean pair of pants and tank top and grabbing her phone off the bed before heading back downstairs. Paige had said she would call.

Her bag was by the door. She picked out her English book and a pen, settling into the living room chair to study. It was easier than she thought. Her mind quickly diverting her attention to the task at hand, and away from the entire weekend. Her mom sat reading on the couch, glancing over at her every few minutes when she thought Emily wouldn't notice. She noticed, ignoring her by choice. Much of the evening progressed this way. Eventually her mom excused herself to the kitchen to cook dinner, calling Emily to the table when it was ready. She thought about giving her a half-hearted excuse for not being hungry but decided against it due to the fact that she was starving. It wasn't the food she wanted to avoid anyways, it was the conversation that was sure to come with it. Reluctantly she closed her book, leaving it on the chair and joined her mom at the table. Dinner was good but she scolded herself the whole time for how she had studied Paige as she ate the night before, because her moms eyes hadn't left her once. She didn't like being watched and now she felt bad for watching Paige. She cleared her throat after ten minutes of silence, finally aggravated enough to speak up.

"Mom, I'm fine." She stated. Her mom just looked surprised like she didn't know what she was referring to, and that only made Emily more agitated. She didn't want to talk to her or anyone. Only Paige and that wasn't an option.

"Emily, you don't look fine. Now you can roll your eyes and huff all you want. I'm sorry that I'm annoying you. But I know you, and I know when something is wrong, so I'm here. Whenever you need to talk, I'm here." She cleared her plate from the table without another word and began cleaning up the kitchen.

Emily felt guilty but she was happy to have her mom's attention focused elsewhere. She cleaned her own plate and trudged up the stairs to her bedroom. The Orange sky seeped in through the window casting an amber glow over the walls. It looked as though everything was on fire. That's how her body felt when she was near Paige. Its how she used to feel, but now, even the warmth of the sun couldn't cover the cold ache in her bones.

She grabbed the lavender quilt from her bed, dragging it to the window bench, and falling onto the cushions, pulling it over her head so she could breathe only the scent of her girlfriend. Falling asleep faster than she expected. Tomorrow couldn't come sooner.

* * *

She stood looking out her bedroom window. Her parents were having a heated conversation downstairs but she didn't try to pick up the words. She was too numb. She was waiting for the tears to come but they wouldn't. Her eyes moved across her back yard, falling heavily on the pool. She looked down, guessing the drop was about 12 feet. She could make it. How easy it would be for her to jump down and make an escape to the water. How close she was to being able to see Emily. She wanted that more than anything. She couldn't understand why she felt nothing in this moment. No ache in her chest, no throbbing in her head. Nothing besides the purple bruise on her knee. She pressed her fingertips hard into the tender spot, until it was unbearable. Still, no tears came. It was beyond hopelessness.

She stood in the window and watched as the sky changed from orange to purple, to black. The voices of the argument downstairs had long since disappeared. A sign that they had finally gone to bed. She wanted to run, to make a break from the house and run to Emily, but she couldn't bring herself to. She didn't have the energy or the fight within her. Instead she dropped to the floor, wrapping her arms around her knees and pulling them to her chest. The room felt like it was spinning around her. Moving forward in time while she stayed frozen in place. She forced her eyes closed, shivering against the cold floor, knowing who she would see in her mind. Morning would come soon enough. Too soon.

* * *

The blaring of her alarm clock woke her up. She had slept the whole night on the window bench, still wrapped in the quilt. Emily stumbled across the room in a fog ripping the cord from the wall completely. She groaned immediately after doing so, knowing that she would only have to reset it later. She always tried to do it meticulously, down to the second. Staring at the time on her phone just waiting for the minute to change. It would take several tries with her getting bored and side tracked, missing the change completely and having to wait another whole minute until she got it right. She moved to her closet, pulling out a blue off the shoulder tee and a pair of skinny jeans. Paige loved that shirt. The blue reminding her of Emily in the water. She dressed quickly then pulled her hair into a ponytail. Paige also loved her neck exposed. She smiled to herself as she walked downstairs, knowing she would see Paige soon. Her mom was already in the kitchen.

"Good morning honey" she noticed Emily's mood change right away and seemed very pleased with it. "You look nice today." She added. Emily looked away sheepishly but still smiled.

"Thanks."

"Are you hungry I could make you something...there's still donuts left from yesterday..."

"No thanks, Im picking up Paige before school, so we'll probably stop for something on the way." She smiled, grabbing her bag from the table and throwing it over her shoulder. "I'll see you after school?" She added.

"Yup, I'll be here all day." She smiled warmly, happy that Emily was in a better mood today. She smiled at her mom grabbing her english book off of the living room chair and heading out the door.

The sky was cloudy and much cooler than the previous day, but still warm enough to go without a jacket. Fog hung heavily in the air, making a thin layer of moisture stick to her bare arms. Her heart pounded the whole drive over to Paige's house. They hadn't walked the halls of the school since they had spent their first night together. Things had changed, and not in a bad way. Like they were sharing a secret between them that nobody else was privy to. Something special and only theirs. Her cheeks flushed just thinking of it. She had been so worried last night but now that she was moments away from seeing Paige, her stomach wouldn't stop fluttering. She couldn't help thinking about swimming and how she would have an even harder time pulling her eyes away from Paige's body, now that she had touched everything underneath her swimsuit. Everything had changed and had become more beautiful, and everything was different now. She pulled slowly into Paige's driveway, parking beside the red Range Rover in the driveway.

Swallowing hard she stepped out of the car, straightening her shirt. She hadn't expected Mr. McCullers to be here. He had never been here before when she picked Paige up. Emily hesitated between the car and the front door, hoping Paige would just walk out before she was forced to knock. She stood there for an acceptable amount of time before deciding that she had to knock. The door opened quickly to reveal Paige's dad standing arms crossed in the doorway. He looked slightly confused, like Emily was the last person he expected to see. She swallowed hard again.

"Hi, I'm picking driving Paige to school..?" The uncertainty was heavy in her voice, making it sound more like a question than a statement. Racking her brain because part of wondered if she and Paige had gotten their wires crossed. She didn't think they had.

"Oh, ummm...Paige doesn't need a ride today, I'm planning on taking her here in a bit. She said she was going to call you to let you know last night." His voice was kind. Apologetic for the misunderstanding.

A thud sounded upstairs, something being knocked over possibly or dropped. He didn't seem bothered by it, so Emily nodded weakly.

"Sorry, I must have missed the call, thanks." She said turning back to her car. The door closed without another word from him. She couldn't help herself from turning to look up at Paige's window as she got back in her car, hoping to see her, but there was nothing but a slight rustle of the curtain.

Rosewood High was already a bustle of students when she pulled into the parking lot. Hanna greeted her the second she walked through the doors, trying her best to juggle three coffees.

"Hey, Em!". She beamed, pushing a coffee in her direction. She looked confusedly around Emily's back. "Where's Paige, I grabbed her one too" referring to the extra coffee. She continued looking around Emily.

"Well, she's not hiding behind my back Hanna. She'll be here soon, her dad is driving her." She smiled impatiently. But Hanna scoffed, shoving the spare coffee into her hand. Seeing Hanna reminded her of something that had been in the back of her mind all weekend.

"Han, what did Paige's dad say to my mom during the swim meet?" she asked. Hanna rolled her eyes.

"That guy has some issues, Em." She started, mocking Mr. McCullers' voice. "Really! He was going off on how he wouldn't be allowing Paige to 'gallivant' around town all night. I mean seriously? She doesn't gallop, she's not a frickin barn animal. K maybe she walks a little tough, we could work on her stride but... Let's not be dramatic." She huffed rolling her eyes again.

"Han, that's not exactly what gallivant means." Spencer laughed, appearing at Emily's side. Hanna just looked confused, so Spencer continued to explain. "It means 'to seek out pleasure, or stimul..."

"Hey!" Emily interrupted. "It's fine if we just stick with gallop, really Spence..." Her cheeks flushed, not wanting to have this conversation at all. Hanna grinned, ready to pounce for details.

"Did he say anything else?" Emily asked quickly, diverting the topic back.

"Not really, just that her Trig grade was slipping and that he wasn't going to let her get distracted or whatever." There was that word again. Distracted.  
"But I'm more interested in the galloping part...sooo?" Hanna smiled, raising an eyebrow.

"Its gallivanting, Hanna!" Spencer corrected grabbing her arm and pulling her away. "We are going to be late and I have to take notes for the both of us." Spencer added. Emily gave her a grateful smile as she dragged Hanna away.

Emily stood alone now as students were filtering into classrooms. She looked behind her expecting to see Paige at any second, but when she didn't appear Emily decided to walk to her first class, which they shared together. She had probably missed Paige in the halls, so she would already be in class by now.

Emily was one of the last students in. The classical music began playing over the intercom as she scanned her eyes over the room, falling on Paige's seat and coming up empty. Her throat tightened as she took her seat beside the empty chair. Still gripping both coffees in her hands, she forced herself to set them down on the desk, pushing one slightly to where Paige would sit when she got there. She watched the door intently as the music ended and the teacher began taking attendance.

Emily raised her hand slightly when he called her name. It wasn't completely unlike Paige to be late some days. The teachers never cared because she was that good of a student. Maybe they had stopped for breakfast on the way, and were running late. Besides, her dad didn't run on the school's schedule. He expected the school to run on his.

Something the teacher said snapped Emily's attention, pulling her out of her thoughts. Actually, it was something he didn't say.

"Sophie Nelson?" He called

"Umm, Mr. Ross? You didn't call Paige's name." Emily noted, looking at him confused. He looked down at his class list, studying it, just as confused as she was.

"Oh." He said looking back to Emily. "I don't have Paige on here anymore."

Emily moved her body into motion immediately. Grabbing her bag and running towards the door. Leaving the two coffees behind.

"Ms. Field's?" The teacher called.

She ignored him, breaking into the hallway. Picking up her pace as she sprinted towards the parking lot. 'I'm such an idiot.' She thought. She skidded on the tiles as she turned a corner, catching herself on her hands before she hit the floor. Her head was spinning and her lungs ached, making it difficult for her to focus on her movements. She reached her car, climbing in and slamming the door shut behind her. Angry at herself for not paying closer attention to Paige.

Paige hadn't cancelled their plans that morning, her dad had. Emily hadn't missed the call. There wasn't a call. Emily knew there wasn't a call because she had been by her phone all night and she knew Paige would have called. She would have let Emily know somehow not to come pick her up. She hadn't cancelled because she wanted Emily to show up. She wanted Emily to be there. It was her dad that didn't. She had let a moment of doubt make her forget. Paige was finally trying to give her what she wanted. Paige was finally telling her that she wanted Emily's protection, and that she needed her to be the strong one now. Emily had failed.

The drive was taking too long. She hit her hands against the steering wheel, fear being replaced with fire. She turned into Paige's driveway slamming on the breaks, screeching the tires loudly to a stop on the pavement. It was anger that fueled her body as she jumped out of the car, not bothering to turn off the ignition or shut the door.

Mr. McCullers was standing by his car, placing a suitcase inside. He turned to see her coming. His face a far cry from the smile this morning. He was annoyed and angry now. Clearly he hadn't expected Emily to show up. She stormed straight to him, wanting answers.

"Where's Paige?" She demanded. Fists clenched tightly to her sides, waiting for his answer. Instead she heard her name.

"Emily?" A voice called. She knew that voice. Her eyes quickly finding Paige who had appeared around the side of the house. Emily let out her breath, moving her body towards her. Mr. McCullers stepped in front of her though, blocking her way. Emily moved to raise her fist, still clenched into the air.

She didn't know how it happened so fast. Paige had been a good 20 feet away and then suddenly she was by her side, grabbing her arm and pulling her away from her dad. The feeling of Paige's hand on hers sent a warmth and buzzing through her body, forcing her into a daze. Paige pulled her towards the backyard, leaving her dad standing shocked by the car. She didn't know what was happening. Her head was pounding from her anger and her fear and then, Paige was there. Pulling her away.

* * *

She stopped pulling when they were out of sight from her dad, cupping Emily's face in her hands softly, and waiting patiently as Emily struggled to breathe again. Using her thumb she wiped a tear that had fallen from her eyes. She had been by the pool, lost in dark thoughts when she had heard the squealing of tires in the driveway. Her chest that felt empty a moment ago now felt completely full again. Emily was here now, shaking under her touch.

"Em? Breathe." She whispered.

It was no use. Emily wasn't listening. She was falling apart before her very eyes. Nothing easy about what was coming, and yet she didn't know how to avoid it. She didn't feel strong enough. Emily's tears were only falling faster.. sobs escaping her chest. She didn't know what to do to calm her and she panicked, pulling Emily closer and pressing their lips deeply together. Trying her best use her lips to soothe the shaking out of Emily's body.

Emily gasped into her mouth, only making her push deeper. She could never get close enough to Emily. Not ever. She used Emily's gasp as an entrance point, slipping her tongue inside. Emily was melting beneath her fingers as she kissed back. Both of their tongues craving the sweetness from each other and doing everything they could to savor it. Emily's hands were still clenched in fists at her sides but slowly she relaxed, moving them to her waist and pulling them closer. No, not closer. She pushed Paige away, trying to catch her breath. Wanting to speak.

She released her hold on Emily's cheeks instantly, stepping back and putting space between them. Respecting the reasons Emily had pushed her away, even though it hurt. Emily wanted answers. Answers to things that she herself was unsure of. She stared down at the ground, unable to look Emily in the eyes.

"Paige!" Her dad shouted from the front of the house.

* * *

Emily watched Paige tense, tightening her jaw as she heard him calling. But she didn't move. Instead Paige brought her eyes back to hers. The look on her face was that of a child being scolded. She felt the whimper escape her lips as her eyes began to burn with realization. She couldn't breathe. She knew she needed to speak, to protest, but she couldn't. Time felt so precious.

"Em..." Paige whispered, stepping closer again.

Something in her voice made her take a step back from Paige, denying her advances. And she could see the pain in Paige's eyes as a result of it. But from where she stood now she could see Paige wholly and if Paige stepped closer, she would lose parts of her, just around the edges. And she didn't want to lose any part of her.

"Emily.." she breathed. Begged.

Paige's voice whispering her name was enough to give Emily her own voice back.

"What is this..?" She whispered, looking into Paige's eyes while she fought with her tears through a glossy haze. "What's happening?" There was a long pause before Paige spoke. The battle roaring on inside her head.

"This..." She started, using her arms to gesture in her dads direction, then correcting her words. "I don't know, Em." she broke off, her own tears threatening to pour over now. Paige bit her bottom lip, trying to still the tremble that had started there.

Seeing Paige cry hit her hard in the stomach, fueling her anger again. Paige did everything to protect her but in reality, Paige needed protection.

She wiped her eyes, pulling herself together for a moment before taking a step towards Paige, closing the gap. She wrapped her arms around her waist pulling her as close as she could, resting her chin on Paige's shoulder. Paige held her tightly, burying her face into her neck. Breathing her in.

"Paige, please?" She whispered, pulling back enough to look at her. Paige was scared, uncertain and that only scared her more.

"He's making me go to Scranton with him." She mumbled.

Emily felt her heart hit the ground.

"What? Why would he do that?" She snapped, a miracle that she was forming sentences. Nothing about this made sense to her. At least she told herself that it didn't. "What about school, and swimming?"

"He pulled me out of Rosewood this morning and hired some tutor. I told him I didn't want to swim anymore, I think that's why he's doing this, but I don't know because he won't talk to me. And my mom won't talk to him..." She cut off her own words, at a loss for them.

"When did you say that?" She pressed, her words becoming more and more panicked as she went. Paige looked sheeplishly at her.

"Saturday after the swim meet. I knew it would make him angry. I think that's why I said it at first, but I meant it."

Emily broke from her arms, turning her back to Paige. Everything was crashing around her. A battlefield of debris at her feet. She had to bend, resting her hands on her knees just to keep herself from falling down. Scranton was hours away.

She heard Paige sob behind her, but she couldn't face her. Instead Emily's eyes moved blankly over her surroundings trying to focus on any stationary object and failing miserably. The trees appeared to be leaning, the fog swirled around the leaves rustling across the grass. It was dizzying, bringing a nauseous feeling to her stomach. Finally the whimper that escaped Paige's lips pulled her out of the haze. It was heart breaking and lonely. A new determination rooted itself deep within her.

"How long?" She asked, turning to face her again. Paige shook her head. She was falling apart beyond words. Her arms wrapped around her chest as though she was physically holding her body together.

"I don't know. He won't talk to me about it. There's some type of swimming program there, but its pointless. I already told him I'm done with it. He's not giving me a choice. And between my dad and mom, one of them is almost always there for work."

A numbness washed over Emily's face. She had lost Maya when she had been shipped off and now Paige.

"Paige!" Her dad called from the house again.

Emily moved quickly, grabbing her face in her hands, staring into her eyes. "I told you I wouldn't let you go anywhere." She whispered, pleading with Paige. She felt like she was already breaking that promise.

"I didn't expect you to mean it." Paige whispered back.

A deep hurt settled into Emily's body at the moment those words escaped her mouth. A betrayal on her heart. Did she really think that she would say something like that and not mean it. Did Paige really think she was so undeserving of Emily that she was just keeping her at arm's length. Suddenly she had gotten what she wanted, an inside to Paige's mind. And what she found there, pained her. She was giving Emily an out. She was telling her it was okay for Emily to go back on her word. It wasn't okay.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, so she pulled it out to check. A missed call from her mom flashing across the screen. She assumed the school had called her when she had skipped out so she sent her a quick reply text about being on her way home soon, keeping the phone clutched tightly in her hand. The clock was ticking too fast.

She moved quickly wrapping her arms around Paige holding her close, sliding her hands lightly over the waist of her jacket. Paige held her back. She could hear Paige's dad approaching from the front of the house.

"Do you love me?" She breathed, fighting the moisture in her eyes.

"Always." Paige whispered. No doubt in her mind.

In an instant she pressed her lips to Paige's, drinking her in. Paige sighed into her mouth, not hesitating to slide her tongue across Emily's. The taste too good to live without. The fear of not knowing when they would have this chance again.

* * *

She grasped tightly around Emily's neck. Not wanting to let go but knowing she didn't have a choice. As much as she wanted to fight this with every ounce of her being, she knew she couldn't defy her parents this time. She broke her lips away as the footsteps came to a stop. Her dad had appeared at her side. A dominating presence. Intimidating.

"Paige, time to go." He said firmly

Emily tensed beneath her touch as she dropped her arms from her waist, nodding weakly. Emily leaned in, whispering softly, for their ears only. Her words slow and deliberate, like she had chosen them carefully.

"You know me better than anyone and I love you more than anyone."

Paige shivered from her hot breath on her neck. A vast difference from the cool air that circled around them. Hearing Emily say those words made her heart beat again. Made her feel strong when she was falling to pieces.

"I love you too." She whispered, a weak smile through her tears.

With that Emily pressed a soft kiss to her neck and pulled away, taking deliberate step back and breaking their contact with each other.

The absence of Emily's body made her angry. That along with the way her dad tapped his foot impatiently beside her. She turned from Emily to face him.

"Fine, let's go." She started, her eyes burning into him. Then she moved to walk past him towards the house. "I won't stop Emily from knocking you on your ass next time." She added. She didn't turn to see if he was following because she knew he would and if he was smart, he'd do it fast.

His eyes flashed shock for a second, just a flicker but Emily had caught it. She stared after Paige as he followed her into the house. A small smile forming on her lips. Paige knew her.

* * *

**parachute (Disclaimer, I Do Not own the rights to this song!) but it is amazing, so seriously, check it out!**

**"The Mess I Made"**

_Should've kissed you there_

_I should've held your face_

_I should've watched those eyes_

_Instead of run in place_

_I should've called you out_

_I should've said your name_

_I should've turned around_

_I should've looked again_

_But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made_

_I 'm staring at the mess I made_

_I 'm staring at the mess I made_

_As you turn, you take your heart and walk away_

_Should've held my ground_

_I could've been redeemed_

_For every second chance_

_That changed its mind on me_

_I should've spoken up_

_I should've proudly claimed_

_That oh my head's to blame_

_For all my heart's mistakes_

_But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made_

_I 'm staring at the mess I made_

_I 'm staring at the mess I made_

_As you turn, you take your heart and walk away_

_And it's you, and it's you_

_And it's you, and it's you_

_And it's falling down, as you walk away_

_And it's on me now, as you go_

_But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made_

_I 'm staring at the mess I made_

_I 'm staring at the mess I made_

_As you turn, you take your heart and walk away_

_And it's falling down, as you walk away_

_And it's on me now, as you go_

_But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made_

_I 'm staring at the mess I made_

_I 'm staring at the mess I made_

_As you turn, you take your heart and walk away_


	8. Chapter 8

_Thank you everyone for reading. As usual i'm so glad this story is being enjoyed. I know its not the best having Paige and Emily away from each other but i feel its something that it very important at this stage. So please bear with me and don't hate me. It will be okay I promise!_

* * *

Emily stood beside Paige's pool, Staring blankly into the water. She had watched Mr. McCullers and Paige walk to the car. Paige hesitating for a moment in her direction. They had stared at each other, each of them contemplating making a break for it and deciding against it in the same thought. Eventually she had forced herself into the car, leaving Emily behind. She knew she should be feeling something right now, but the pain hadn't settled in yet. It was only a matter of time. Time passed by though, as it always did.

And now here she was, two hours later she was still standing, looking down into the pool and wondering what it had been like for Paige to sink herself to the bottom. Wondering if it would hurt more than the emptiness in her chest, or the pounding in her head. Wondering if she would see Paige the way Paige had seen her. How easy it would be for her to dive and never resurface.

She took a step back, some greater force telling her 'no'. The fog had thickened around her, swirling over the surface of the pool, and twisting around her bare arms. She shivered, finally feeling cold enough to tear herself away, walking slowly back to her car. She tried to memorize everything around her as she moved. The iron chairs that sat by the pool, the potted flowers on the porch, Paige's bike leaning against the side of the house. She had to force her eyes away from the last one. It was hard imagining her without it. Pain began to make itself known, forming quickly in her chest. She needed to get home before she couldn't. Before she decided to go back to the pool and reconsider it as an option.

She started the car, switching on the heat. Her body felt drained of all warmth, shaking uncontrollably as the numbness wore off. Driving was difficult with her vision fogged, fighting back tears the entire way. She was surprised she even made it home, because as she pulled into the driveway, she couldn't remember anything after Paige had left her alone in the back yard. Everything after that moment was a blur. Just a series of fussy images passing before her eyes. Like the way you try to remember a dream only to come up empty-handed. All you can remember is the feeling you had in that dream, still lingering in your body long after you've awakened. That's all she had. How it felt to be so fueled by her anger, like Paige often was. How it felt to be the one watching her girlfriend cry, like Paige had watched her so many times before. How it felt to be left behind, like she had left Paige when she was struggling with coming out. Just the feelings.

Her mom was waiting anxiously in the living room, jumping up when she heard the door click open. She rushed to Emily's side in relief, but she couldn't bring herself to look at her mom. There were too many things on her mind for her to try and pretend that she was interested in having a conversation. She just wasn't. The emptiness in her chest was becoming too much and all she wanted was to make it to her bedroom without breaking down. She wanted to cry alone under her blankets and she didn't want anyone there to see the mess that had started inside of her.

"Emily." She sighed "where were you? I called you several times? When you texted me you said you'd be home soon. It's been almost two hours."

"I don't have my phone." Emily whispered, pulling her eyes up to look at her finally. She needed to get out of this fast. her walls were thin and wouldn't be able to hold off the flood much longer. She noticed Emily's bloodshot eyes and tear streaked face, softening her tone immediately.

"honey, what happened?"

She dropped her bag to the floor, not wanting to answer and really not knowing how to answer anyways. So she shrugged her shoulders instead turning towards the stairs. relief as she knew she was moving closer to the safe confines of her bedroom. Her mom grabbed her arm softly, making hope of sanctuary turn into fear of a public stoning.

"Emily, talk to me. I'm on your side here but you have to talk to me or there's nothing I can do to help you." She said, grabbing hold of Emily's shoulders and studying her face.

Emily cracked instantly an though she felt betrayed by herself she couldn't help it. She felt so helpless and unable to control any part of her body. How was Paige so strong all the time? How was she so brave?

Tears began sliding from her eyes again, the room began to spin, closing in on her and squeezing the oxygen from her lungs. She might as well have been sitting at the bottom of a pool. She felt her knees buckle below her, threatening to bring her body crashing down. Her mom held her tightly, taking Emily's weight on to herself and guiding her to the kitchen table.

She felt terrible at that gesture. Somewhere along the way she had forgotten that her mom was on her side. That she was there for her. Someone she could talk to and lean on. It was Emily that had shut her out. Somehow after Maya's death she had stopped reaching for her mom's hand. Too stubborn to confide in anyone. Anyone except Paige. She couldn't do this alone. Paige wasn't here this time and she didn't know what to do without her.

Everything inside of her felt lost. She was like a survivor of a ship wreck floating aimlessly in the ocean, just waiting for a lifeline to be tossed in her direction. Paige was her lifeline. She had held on to her even when Emily had pushed her away. Paige had held her hand when they had jumped into the swimming hole in the woods. She hadn't pulled her hand away as they broke through the surface, she had stayed, floating effortlessly at her side. She felt guilty for all of the times Paige had been there to comfort her, never asking for anything in return. Emily told herself at the time that Paige had enjoyed the company just as much as she had. But she knew better. While she knew Paige wouldn't turn her back and abandon her, she also knew how unfair that had been and feared she would never stop hating herself for that.

As she sat in her chair at the table watching her mom move quickly around the kitchen, she looked down at her hand resting on her knee. It blurred in and out of focus as the tears fell to her lap. She bent her fingers slightly, flexing them. The emptiness punched her hard in the stomach. Her lifeline was gone.

"Emmy, please?" her mom begged, setting a mug of tea on the table in front of her. Emily glanced at her out of the corner of her eye, the sadness on her mom's face made it hard to look at her without pangs of guilt. So she averted her eyes back to her empty hand before she spoke.

"Paige left." She whispered, waiting for her mom to ask the next obvious question. Why? How? But she just sat quietly. She was there to listen, not speak. The walls Emily had built around her in the wake of Maya's death began to fall. Part of her had blamed her mom for not liking Maya but it was never the truth. The truth was she was only scared. Just as Emily was. It was the main reason she had kept Paige so close to her, because at the same time she was trying to keep her mom away from Paige. Out of fear that Paige would be pulled away from her too. And she had been pulled away, without any help from her mom. Because it was never her mom. It was Emily. Emily ruined things, Emily abused things, Emily lost things. So she had done everything she could to shut the world out. But Paige knew her, and loved her anyways.

"Her parents..made her go with them to Scranton." She looked up warily at her moms face again. Seeing so many emotions there. Fear, sadness, anger. Everything that Emily was feeling was mirrored perfectly in her eyes. Her mom reached her arm under the table to Emily's hand, squeezing it tightly. Acting as a new lifeline. While that gesture comforted her, it also hurt. She wanted Paige's hand.

"She doesn't know how long. They hired a tutor there and a swim coach. They might not let her come back. They had taken her phone away, that's why she came here Saturday night. She didn't want me to worry."

Tears flowed down her cheeks as she remembered that night. It seemed so far away from this lonely place. She had kissed Paige, and touched her. Heard her laugh and fallen asleep in her arms. Emily gasped, choking from the lack of air in her chest. She startled herself with the noise that escaped her throat. Her mom panicked now, grabbing her face in her hands from across the table.

'Emily, breathe. It's okay." She soothed, stroking her hair softly. It didn't feel okay, not even close. And she didn't want anyone telling her to breathe. She didn't want to breathe right now so why should she? What's the point?

The walls were closing in again, like walking through a fun house. Nothing felt real. Her mom stood from her chair, walking and kneeling by her side. Emily buried her face in her shoulder, holding her tightly. She stated there for a while, crying into her mom until her breathing slowed. The choking gasps turning into quiet whimpers.

Then her mom stood to her feet, walking over to her purse on the counter and pulling out her cell phone. Emily watched her curiously as she walked back to her side, placing the cell phone gently into her hand. A lifeline to Paige.

She moved her mouth to speak but her mom cut her off.

"It's yours now. I don't even know how the stupid thing works." She said.

"Mom, how did you..." Emily started.

"Emily, I know you. Your phone never leaves her hand so if you tell me you don't have it, well...its not hard to guess. I love you and I want you to be happy, and right now...you're not." Her voice was firm and final. Emily moved from her chair, wrapping her arms tightly around her mom.

"Thanks mom" she breathed. Her mom replied by squeezing her tighter. She was on her side. She always had been.

* * *

She wiped the fog from the window as she stretched her legs across the back row of the range rover. She had started out in the passenger seat but had pulled her seatbelt off and climbed to the back as they drove down the driveway. She couldn't miss the last glimpse of Emily standing by her pool. She couldn't stand sitting any closer to her dad than she had to. Even this six-foot distance was too close. She pulled her jacket off, laying it over her lap. The heat blasting through the car had fogged up the Windows quickly. It was a perfect description of her mind at this point. Hot and hazy. Making everything seem just out of reach when in all reality, it was beyond unreachable.

Hot moisture ran down her cheeks as she watched herself being driven further away from Emily, until she disappeared all together. Still, she had kept her eyes fixed on the same spot of window, long after Emily had vanished. She wanted to throw herself from the moving vehicle as it raced down the highway, because surely even that would hurt less than not having Emily near her. Far less painful than not knowing if she would ever have Emily near her again. She pressed her head against the cold glass with a thud. She wanted to hit her head harder. She wanted to black out from this nightmare and retreat into her mind where she knew Emily waited for her. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly as tears fell heavier, remembering the last time she had been even remotely this scared, but it still paled in comparison to the fear she felt now.

She remembered the day she had come out to her parents. She had struggled for weeks after she had let Emily down. So angry with herself for how rude she had been to her. Emily was only trying to help her and be patient with her but she had been too scared. She wasn't ready to admit to the world something that she could barely admit to herself. The days she had spent laying in her bed staring up at the ceiling from the moment she got home to the moment she left for school. Those days had changed her. She couldn't hide forever because it wasn't in her nature to be a coward and that's how she felt. Her anger towards herself had fueled her. Emily didn't deserve someone like her, she deserved so much more. That only made her fight harder. Her competitive side roaring its ugly head. She wanted to be someone who Emily deserved. She wanted to be good enough for Emily. She loved her too much to let her slip away.

* * *

*_She pulled herself out of bed one night around midnight. Her parents had been asleep for several hours but she didn't care. Instead she tiptoed to their room, creaking the door open and walking to her mom's side of the bed. She watched her sleeping for a moment before reaching to touch her arm lightly._

_"Mom?" She whispered. Her eyes opened with a slight start, relaxing as she stared up into her daughters eyes. She scooted up in bed a bit, still a little confused. Paige whispered softly again. __"M..mom...can I...talk to you..?" _

_Her mom must have noticed her struggling because she nodded quickly. Her eyes soft and understanding. She pulled herself quietly from the bed, following her out into the hallway. Clicking the door shut behind her. She wrapped her arm around Paige's shoulder, guiding her back into her bedroom and sitting on the edge of her bed. Paige sat beside her. Her mom always used to do this. _

_When she was little and she would have nightmares, Paige would always go to her mom's side of the bed, because she felt too proud to admit to her dad that she was scared. Too worried he would be disappointed. So she would go to her mom. She would carry Paige back to her bed and lay with her until she fell asleep._

_She studied her moms face carefully in the darkness before speaking. Her words were a knotted mess in her throat. her mom twisted her fingers into hers, letting them rest on the bed between them. After a few moments the words came to her._

_"I don't want you to love me less...I want you to be proud of me." She whispered. She heard her mom sigh._

_"Paige.." she started._

_"Mom...I'm gay." She breathed out as the words left her lips, staring intently into her moms eyes. The eyes that stared back in the same way. Her mom sighed again, squeezing her hand tightly she smiled softly. _

_"I'll always be proud of you."_

_Paige felt tears sting her cheeks instantly. A weight lifted from her chest that felt so good. She wrapped her arms around her mom's neck, holding her tightly. Her mom combed her fingers softly through her hair. Soothing her. Paige smiled into her shoulder, and in an instant, it was gone. Her breath caught in her throat she looked over her moms shoulder. Her eyes falling upon her dad's silhouette in the doorway and the disappointment on his face. vivid even in the darkness of her bedroom._*

* * *

Things between her and her parents had gotten terrible after that night.

Her dad shifted in the driver's seat, turning the radio between stations as they turned to static. She sunk herself lower into the seat, laying down and curling her knees up to her chest. Pressing her nose into her jacket searching for any trace of Emily. Even the smallest hint of lavender. She found a spot, near the collar of the fabric that still clung to the scent. Paige cradled that section carefully in her hands, afraid it would disappear.

A sob formed in her chest, a deep cry escaping her without sound. She choked on the familiar feeling. Intense pain from the pressure of a wail she couldn't hear. Like a scream as water poured down her throat. She knew this feeling. This is what it felt like to die. She couldn't breath and couldn't bring herself to even try. She brought the spot of fabric to her nose, crying into what was left of Emily in her life. Everything that she had been reduced to. She cried in silence until her eyes emptied. The pain in her chest overpowering. Her head pounded, compressed from a tension forming behind her eyes. It hurt too much. Her eyes were heavy, wanting to sleep, because that meant dreams, and Emily. Slowly her body numbed, moving her gently into unconsciousness. She was grateful for the relief it brought.

A vibration moved against her stomach, making her eyes shoot open, and bringing the pain back tenfold. She squinted at the sudden brightness around her. Swallowing a knot that had formed in her throat, cutting off her cry. The vibration hit her again. She shifted the jacket, reaching into the front pocket. Her fingers clasping around something hard and smooth. She pulled it out, staring down into her hand and Emily's phone that now rested between her fingers.

The screen was lit up with a text message from "mom". She choked on a cough in surprise. Emily had her phone in her hand when she had hugged her. She had rested her hands on her hips. Paige felt her heart beat quicken as the realization hit her. Emily had slipped her phone into her pocket. Emily hadn't said goodbye.

_** you know me better than anyone...**_

Paige shot up in the backseat. She felt her dad's eyes in the rearview mirror but she ignored him, holding the phone carefully in her lap, out of sight. She hesitated for a moment before tapping on the screen. It lit up, asking for a numbered password. 'damn.' Paige sunk in her seat in disappointment. How was she supposed to know Emily's password? They'd only really been together for a few months and it could be anything. Emily has lived her whole life without Paige in it until recently. She had three best friends that she shared every secret with. She wasn't privy to every part of Emily's life.

She rested her head against the cold window. Closing her eyes in defeat. Remembering all that Emily had said to her.

_**...and I love you more than anyone.** Paige shivered from her hot breath on her neck._

She opened her eyes, staring down curiously at the phone again. I love you more than anyone.

She tapped the screen to life once more, looking intently at the password display like she was waiting for it to confirm what she was thinking. It didn't of course so she moved, pressing her fingers into the number lock.

It vibrated to life in her hands. The lock display changing into a picture of her holding Emily in a hug in front of a karaoke machine. It had been taken by a waitress at the bar they had gone to on their first date. So happy, and so far away from here. Emily had kissed her in the parking lot making her knees weak as she leaned into her lips.

She clicked the phone off quickly, dropping it in her lap, trying to calm herself and wipe the stray tears that rolled down her cheeks. Trying to dull the pain in her heart. Emily had their picture on her front screen. Emily's password, was Paige's birthday. Emily's last words to her brought a whole new meaning. She had heard them the first time but she hadn't _really_ heard them until now. She knew Emily _because_ Emily loved her more than anyone. She let Paige know her. Emily didn't want an "out".

She grabbed the phone quickly, re-entering her birthday and pressing the message inbox open. She tapped the new message under the 'mom' contact.

****Paige, are you okay? I love you.-Em****

She sighed heavily. Unsure of what she was feeling in that moment. Loss and contentment. Sadness and love. Emily was fighting her way back to her. She typed back quickly, afraid that the small piece of Emily would disappear in her hands.

****I'm okay. I love you too...more than you know.****

She had barely hit send when a appeared on the screen.

****I couldn't let you leave without knowing I had a way to talk to you.****

Paige slammed her eyes shut, throwing her head forward against the seat in front of her. God, there was nothing she wanted more than Emily. She kicked the seat hard. Her dad's eyes finding her quickly in the mirror. She didn't care, her anger was taking over, her hopelessness. She clenched her fist, and jerked her arm, punching it into the head rest. Her dad swerved the car slightly, shocked at her behavior.

"Paige, stop it!" He shouted.

She groaned loudly in annoyance.

"Shut up!" she screamed. "Is this what you want? Are you happy now? I'm not going to stop so get used to this. Why should you get what you want when you care so little about what I want?"

He kept his eyes on the road, knuckles white from his tight grip on the steering wheel.

She threw another punch into the seat and sunk back down. Focusing carefully on her breathing before opening the phone again.

****Em, I'm so sorry. This is killing me.**** Her eyes glazed over so much that she could barely make out the words through the tears.

****Paige, breathe..please..its going to be okay. I promise.****

It was just like Emily to know when she was holding her breath. She wiped her eyes, forcing herself to take air into her lungs again. Her hands were shaking so bad that she could barely hold the phone.

****Paige breathe.****

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to concentrate. Emily had given her a gift. She held it in her hands and she needed to use it. She could only imagine what Emily was feeling now. She was hurting too and Paige need to be strong for her.

****Em, I'm going to make sure its okay. I meant what I said. You're everything.****

Minutes passed without a response. Panic began to set in. Was Emily okay? Was she crying? 'She needs me and I can't be there.' The phone chimed again.

****I know.****

She held her breath again. _'I know'_. She knew that line and knew what it meant. She knew because Emily had used it on her before when she had consoled Paige in her room before their swim meet.

*_You are not a distraction. I meant what I said, you're..._*

*_I know._* Emily whispered cutting off her words

Emily had comforted her with those words. She had used them on Emily too, yesterday morning when she had left her standing alone in her bedroom to go face her parents.

*_I'm not letting you go anywhere._* Emily whispered.

*_I know._* Was all Paige could say to comfort her in any way.

_I know_. It was their way of bringing comfort to one another. It was their way of telling the other just how much they understood and shared every feeling. It was their way of agreeing without the need to explain. But it was also a sign that Emily was trying to hold herself together for her. That she was trying to be strong even at the cost of having to hide her own pain. It was also a lie. It meant Emily was telling her what she thought she wanted to hear, even if she didn't believe it herself. And now Paige excepted the truth that she had been struggling with the most. She knew Emily better than anybody. Emily was lying to her the same way she had lied to Emily the other morning in her bedroom. Emily was protecting her. Her fist found the seat again, snapping her dads attention back.

"Pull over!" She screamed ripping off her seatbelt. The car was easily traveling 80 miles an hour down the highway. He didn't slow down.

"Paige put your seatbelt on!" He shouted.

"No! Stop the damn car!" She yelled, sliding her jacket back over her shoulders.

"Paige! We're going too fast for you to being screwing around, now knock it off!

She was getting annoyed and restless with the back and forth, so she moved climbing over the seat towards the front. He tensed nervously, slamming on the breaks and pulling off to the shoulder of the highway, lurching to a hard stop. Paige heaved forward, her shoulder smacking hard into the glass of the window making her wince and cry out. The same shoulder she had cracked against her door frame the other night. She didn't let the searing pain slow her down, throwing open the door and jumping down onto the wet pavement. She looked around getting her bearings. The air was cold enough that her breath was visible. Fog swirling over the road in thin tendrils. She puled her jacket closed and pushed her legs into movement.

"Paige! What the hell are you doing?" Her dad shouted as he climbed out of the driver's side.

She turned to face him, ready for the fight. She paused when she looked in his eyes. He was angry, yes, but there was more than just that...much more. Her words became lost in her throat as he walked closer. He was shaking, scared and worried. It confused her. Surprising her so much that the fight in her head faded being replaced by a more pressing question. A question that meant more to her than any arguement she had conjured up.

"Why dad?" She choked. Her eyes stinging from the onslaught of confusion. "I want to go home."

He stepped closer, his anger dissolving into a pain she had never seen before. A pain she knew she had never felt before either. The pain of someone fearing for their child. She continued when he didn't speak.

"I'm not ever going to stop fighting this." She said firmly. It was a fact. She knew it, and by the look in his eyes, he knew it too. He expected it even. Like he knew her well enough to know she wouldn't give up. Not ever.

He placed is hands on his hips, looking to the ground for answers, shifting his weight between feet. Her eyes widened as she watched him and the familiarity of his stance. It was her stance. The one she took when she was fighting with herself. The one she took when she was hurting, and when she was trying to hide her thoughts from Emily. He looked like a child being punished. She was just like him.

"Dad?" She said cautiously, perplexed by the sudden change in his demeanor. He lifted his head to look at her.

"Paige, I'm failing you." He sighed.

She swallowed heavily. A knot forming in her throat at the words she was hearing. Her headed was so muddled and caught off guard that she couldn't even think enough to speak, or to even figure out what she was thinking in that moment. He took a step towards her. She took a step back, not really understanding why, forming a larger gap between them. The pain thickened in his eyes. She wanted to speak and suddenly him admitting what she already knew made speaking impossible. But she tried anyways.

"Is this about me being gay? Is it Emily?" Those seemed to be the most important questions in her mind and quite honestly the only questions she wanted answers to. Nothing else mattered to her. He shook his head. A weight lifting from her chest.

"It's not Emily." He said. She breathed at how gently he said her name. He looked ashamed that he had made her think that. His eyes were glazing over. She could see it from 8 feet away and it went against everything she told herself she should be feeling. "When you were two, you used climb on my lap while I was working in my office. You'd swing on my legs while I was on business calls and I was always too busy. There always seemed to something more important. I told myself there would be plenty of time later but.." he sighed, shaking his head to clear it. Something she often did herself. "as you grew up you gave up on me. And you were right to. You didn't need me to catch you from falling off your bike. I had pushed you away and you learned to push back."

Hot tears hit her cheek, painful against the cold wind blowing across her face. She gasped softly, wiping the moisture away. Everything he said was true. She hadn't needed him. She couldn't remember ever needing him because she had been so small, but she knew at one point she had needed him. This was her fault too. She added fuel to fire. Wanting to take care of herself and always trying so hard to prove that she could. He hadn't wanted to let go her bike without the training wheel, she had made him.

"There was a point when you would come to me for help. Whether it was a skinned knee or a nightmare. When you were a baby you'd only sleep if I was holding you."

Her eyes filled over as she squeezed them shut. She smiled, a muffled laugh escaping her mouth as she thought of that Paige that was so far from where she was now. She wiped her eyes before she spoke. Something else was bothering her.

"You were angry, that night?" She started. "When I came out to mom. You were disappointed in me." He shook his head instantly.

"No Paige, I wasn't. I was scared but not disappointed. I was angry at myself because you felt like you couldn't come to me and that's my fault, not yours. I would hear you every time you had a nightmare. I'd force myself not to move because i knew you wanted your mom. But don't think for a second that i didn't want to be there too."

She studied him carefully, weighing his words in her mind. There was only sincerity on his face, and sadness. She knew this was her fault too. She should have pulled them both out of bed that night 6 months ago. Suddenly all she could see in her mind was the pain in his eyes as he stood in her doorway. Only the hurt at being left out of such an important moment in her life. She hated that she had done that, a bigger part of her hating for what she was about to do. But she needed to do it for herself. More than anyone, this was for her.

She walked past her dad towards the door of the range rover, pulling it open and climbing inside. Her dad followed hesitantly sliding into the driver's seat beside her. He looked to her as if for direction. She sighed, pulling Emily's phone from her coat pocket and handing to him. He turned the phone in his hand, confused.

"Moms probably waiting, so let's go." She said, buckling her seat belt. She kept her voice steady and sure. Even though she was shaking on the inside. She had just freely handed over her only link to Emily. But she had to. She had acted out so much that her parents should have put her in military school and she probably would have deserved it if they had. She had to try to fix this. A challenge that once fully formed in her mind, couldn't be backed down from. She would only be two hours away.

Suddenly Emily's phone was in her lap. She stared down at the pale pink plastic for a moment before looking at her dad. He kept his eyes on the road as he pulled back onto the highway towards Scranton. Her breath catching in her lungs she grabbed the phone, cradling it carefully in her hands. She closed her fingers tightly around it, letting her head fall gently to the cold window and her eyes slide closed. As much as the thought of being away from Emily scared her, she needed to do this for herself. She needed to repair her heart fully before she would ever be good enough for Emily.

* * *

**The Daylight** Andrew Belle (disclaimer I DO NOT OWN THIS SONG OR THE LYRICS)

Can't believe she's gone

I Can't believe she's gone

I Can't believe she's gone away

Darkness was my future

Hopeless were the patterns

Callous was my heart, so it seems

Oh, I should sing a little bit faster

I'm to blame for this disaster

I'm repairing my heart for you

Oh and I should breathe a little bit softer

Oxygen reminds me I lost her

I'm repairing my heart for you

Can't believe she's gone,

I Folded on the creases

Tore myself to pieces now

But blessed was the daylight that

Flooded my hearts windows, and

Cleared the smoke that billows out

Oh, I should sing a little bit faster

I'm to blame for this disaster

I'm repairing my heart for you

Oh and I should breathe a little bit softer

Oxygen reminds me I lost her

I'm repairing my heart for you

Peace my body, Oh my soul – to find, no I don't mind

Break my hardened heart to show, that I, yea I was blind

Lay my body on the shore, to find, no I don't mind

Can't believe she's gone,

I'm Casting out the demons

Letting go of reasons why

Welcome was the daylight that

Found where I was hiding, and

Fought the dark residing there

Oh, I should sing a little bit faster

I'm to blame for this disaster

I'm repairing my heart for you

Oh and I should breathe a little bit softer

Chemicals remind me I lost her

I'm repairing my heart for you


	9. Chapter 9

**_we are drawing closer to a reunion, so stick with me. As lainierb would say "two steps forward, one step back." :) Anyways thank you for the wonderful reviews and keep spreading the love of this story. The last chapter was amazing to write. i wanted to dig deeper into Paige's character and thats why i chose the "midnight coming out" scene. We all know that Paige has a problem with timing. I wanted to show that. The scene seemed very real and very Paige like to me. Shes always struggling with timing. I also couldn't let Nick take her from Emily. It had to be her decision. With their strained relationship I don't think they would have survived that. It had to be Paige. Hence, Paige finally seeing the truth and the fact that she wasn't the only victim in the situation. She blames her dad the same way she blames herself because she is just like him. All of her quirks, her stance, her temper and frustration is the same as his. Paige needed to understand that and learn from it. Paige threw fits and rages and while its extremely entertaining at points she can't stay that way. It's not in her nature. She gets angry, lashes out, regrets and fixes. She's broken and admits that shes broken. She had to want to fix herself for Emily. BUT Paige has dark habits and I'm not planning on forgetting her dark side ever. So, with all that being said. Enjoy!_**

* * *

She dropped the phone onto the bed, laying down beside it. After her last message to Paige there hadn't been a reply. She curled her knees up to her chest pulling the lavender quilt over her head, tired. Her mom had called the school and excused her for the day but she knew she would have to go tomorrow. The thought of facing those hallways without the possibility of seeing Paige was too depressing to think about. Oh God, Paige. Her eyes squeezed shut. Tears flowing freely onto her pillow. It was amazing how someone was able to cry this much. How even though her eyes felt dry and puffy there was still room for tears. Under the right circumstances was it possible for someone to never stop crying? To be so heart-broken that they never fully recovered? Is it really possible to die of a broken heart?

Suddenly Maya was in the forethought of her mind. She had thought that those wounds would never heal. That the tears would never stop falling. But they had stopped falling. Paige had healed her. Maya wasn't coming back but Paige, she was alive and somehow in that moment it hurt more knowing that she had the possibility of seeing her but couldn't. It hurt more knowing that she was two hours from Paige, because it felt like a universe between them

The sky darkened from a fluffy white to a charcoal grey. The silence in the room relaxing her body. Though the quilt had long lost the smell of Paige, she couldn't bring herself to feel sad about it. She was too tired. The emotional roller coaster of the past few days had broken her. Sleep pulled her down into unconscious dreams, dulling the ache of her broken body.

* * *

_The sun was warm through the bedroom window, casting tiny streams of light on the walls. Small particles of dust floated through the rays, bumping into each other and spiraling to the ground. She watched them carefully as she lay on her bedroom floor staring up at the ceiling. The white rug warm beneath her back. She felt content in that moment for the first time in a long time, everything felt right. She had kissed Paige last night by her pool. Really kissed her. Butterflies formed in her stomach along with the memory, creating a tickle that moved through her veins. Something else also formed. A small pinch in her chest. She couldn't place it, couldn't put a name to it, or a reason. Coming out of nowhere, and just barely there. Just a slight lingering behind her ribs. She ignored it, pushing it to the back of her mind. It wasn't painful just, there._

_A tap on the door made her forget it completely. She craned her neck back to look at the door . Her breath stopping at the upside down image of boots, tight black jeans and off the shoulder white tee. Her eyes moved slowly over her length as she rolled from her back to her stomach, propping herself up on her elbows and resting her head in her hands._

_"Hey." She breathed smiling at Paige as she closed the door behind her._

_"Hey, yourself." Paige smirked, raising an eyebrow. "What are you doing down there?"_

_She out stretched her arm, reaching up for Paige, who inched closer, ready to help her up from the floor. Once Paige's hand was in her own she pulled, making her knees crash to the ground instead, kneeling beside her. Emily scooted herself up, sitting on her own knees. They faced each other now. The only part of them touching was their fingers, still intertwined. She could hear Paige's slow shallow breathing, watching her auburn waves rise and fall over her shoulders with each breath. She moved her free hand automatically and tucked her hair behind her ear, then rested her fingers lightly below her jaw._

_Touching her creamy skin was unlike anything she had felt before. She was warm, soft and amazing. The heat from her skin burned into her fingertips. Paige shivered beneath her touch. All at once Paige's arms were around her neck, running her fingers through her hair. Memorizing each silky strand. She inched her face closer to Paige, noting the way her pupils dilated at the closeness. How her chocolate eyes softened. She could stay like this, knelt before each other just using their hands to touch and study their effects on one another. Paige moved closer, sliding one hand down her back and resting in lightly on her hip. Her heartbeat quicken. Just touching her innocently did so much. How could she ever feel the need to push further?_

_Paige's hair glistened in the light streaming through the window. The specks of dust resembling glitter floating around her. She moved closer until she could feel Paige's breath on her lips. A sweet scent that made her taste buds jolt and her mouth water. Forcing herself to breathe deeply. Paige released her hair completely, running her other hand down to her lower back, tracing small circles on the patch of exposed skin. She moved then, sliding her fingers from Paige's jaw line down to her rib cage, gripping firmly just below her breast and making sure to keep a safe distance. Paige gasped softly, sending a blast of hot breath against her lips. She couldn't wait any longer. The idea of staying like this, just memorizing each other was thrilling but she wanted to memorize her mouth. Her taste. She pressed her lips hungrily to Paige's, a whimper escaping her throat. Paige parted her lips eagerly, letting her slip her tongue inside without hesitation. She wanted this too. Paige brought her hands up to her neck again, pulling her deeper, sucking gently on her bottom lip as she leaned into her._

_Paige was attempting to push her onto her back, so she let her. The weight of Paige's body laying on top of her sparked euphoria. She felt whole again. Safe again. Like Paige was using her body to shield her from all the pain in the world. She gasped between her lips but didn't pull away. She craved her body's weight too much. She craved the way Paige was trying to cradle her head carefully, protecting her even from the soft carpet below them._

_Paige pressed her knee between her thighs lightly. Unintentionally, given their position it was difficult not to do so. Emily moaned beneath her from the pressure._

_Paige noticed what she had done immediately, breaking their lips apart and pulling away. Her cheeks flushed. The reddest Emily had ever seen. Paige scooted back from her on the floor. The sudden lack of contact made her reel as she sat up, trying to study Paige's face._

_"I'm sorry...I...I didn't mean to.." Paige mumbled. Her cheeks blazing from embarrassment . Emily shook her head._

_"No, its...its fine really. You didn't do anything." she assured, grabbing Paige's hand and squeezing it tightly. "Come here." She added pulling her closer again._

_Paige nodded, sliding closer again. The red disappearing from her cheeks as they lay with their backs against the floor, hands intertwined, watching the sparkles of dust drifting aimlessly through the air. Both of them happy just being there with each other._

_She glanced over at Paige out of the corner of her, smiling at the peace she saw on her face. She couldn't tear her eyes away. The simplicity of this moment would possibly be one of the greatest in her entire life. She couldn't bring herself to miss even a second of it. As she watched Paige's face the pinch in her chest made itself known again. Turning quickly from an annoyance to a problem. She couldn't breathe. Her airways felt closed off and her heart-felt compressed. She squeezed Paige's hand tightly, trying to get her attention._

_"Paige!" She choked, looking at her beautiful face. She felt tears fall from her eyes as the pain overpowered her. Confusion taking hold at the relaxation on Paige's face. Why isn't she doing anything? "Paige!"_

_As if in response to her cries Paige flickered out beside her, leaving her hand empty on the floor. She clenched her hand into a fist, fighting to keep Paige in her grasp. Focusing all her attention on the stabbing pain. The room shifted, faded until darkness took over her vision._

* * *

Her eyes shot open, slowly becoming aware of her surroundings and the sobs that were escaping her mouth. Paige wasn't here, Paige was gone. She buried her face into her pillow to silence the scream forming in her lungs, her hot tears soaking through the pillow case. She cried for what felt like hours until she was too weak to focus on the pain, or anything. She cried until her body felt numb. Drifting slowly out to sea and rocking her gently into a stupor. She was losing time again, maybe even for good without a glimmer of hope that snippets would return to her. This was a feeling she would never want to remember and yet, she knew remembering it meant that Paige was real and that she consumed such an important piece of her life.

Her mom's phone rang on the nightstand beside her. It rang and rang, then stopped. Her mind was foggy, trying to focus on the sound and all that it meant. The sound made her cringe, adding to the pounding in her head. What an annoying sound. Then it rang again. Oh God, Paige. She snapped out of the haze, grabbing it quickly. The screen flashed with and incoming call, 'Emily.' Her heart stopped.

"Paige?" She said. Her voice cracking dryly. She heard an exhale on the other end making her breathe in relief.

"Em, don't cry." Paige soothed.

Emily hadn't noticed the tears rolling down her cheeks again or the gasps leaving her lips.

"I'm sorry" she whispered, forcing herself into control because she needed this so much. She needed to hear her voice and she wouldn't be able to do that if she was crying. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay." Paige's voice soft and steady, her anchor at sea. The only thing keeping her from sinking."Listen to me Em, I need you to trust me and stay with me okay?" She soothed the hysterics threatening Emily's body.

"Okay." Emily wiped her eyes, pushing the fog from her mind.

"I want to be the best person for you, and right now I'm not...Em, please don't cry, listen." She begged. Emily's heart raced, fighting sobs back again. Was she giving up on her? Panic coursed through her blood, causing tiny spots to overtake her vision. She felt dizzy, nauseous from this new possibility.

"Emily, listen to me." Paige pleaded. "I'm not ever leaving you, I promise. I don't know how long I'll be here but I swear to you that I'm not giving up. Not ever." There was silence on the line as she steadied her breathing.

"Em?"

"Yeah, im here." She whispered. "I miss you." Her chin shook uncontrollably.

"I miss you too." Paige sighed. This time it was her voice that cracked. She sounded so broken. "I'm so angry at my folks, but I have to do this Emily. I have to fix this or I'm never going to be good for you. I'm scared and lost and...I want to protect you but I can't. I can't even protect myself."

"Let me protect you Paige. Let me fight this with you." Emily begged

"That's the thing Em, I can't. I can't drag you into this. I can't keep hurting you like this and as long as there's this...rift between me and my dad, I'm going to keep hurting you. I can't let him think badly of you, I won't risk you like that." Her voice was approaching hysterics now. She couldn't hear Paige cry, she wouldn't survive it this time.

"Is it me? Is this my fault?" She asked, her voice shaking, fearing the answer.

"No Em, honestly it's not. I did this. You just have to trust me." Her voice was strong and sincere. Emily nodded.

"I do." She whispered. She wasn't happy with this, and only partly relieved by what she was hearing but there was nothing she could do about it even of she wanted to. She trusted Paige and loved her and she owed it to her to stand beside her. Paige had always stayed by her side.

"Em, I love you." Paige whispered. Her voice cracking again.

"I love you too." Emily wiped the her eyes, pulling her body from the bed and walking to her window. Paige breathed softly in her ear as she lay down on the soft white floor, leaving her free hand outstretched and empty beside her. Pretending Paige was holding her. Pretending to see the streams of light flooding her room and the particles of dust. They talked softly to each other until whispers turned to laughs.

"Do you remember when you went on a date with Sean?" She laughed. It felt so good to laugh.

"Oh, pleease don't remind me! Poor guy never had a chance." She giggled. The sound of Paige laughing was poetic and beautiful. She couldn't ever get used to that sound.

"Awwwwe, why? He's a nice guy." She joked.

"Yea but his boobs are hard and muscular, _not_ really my thing."

Emily choked on her laughter. Her stomach muscles cramped painfully in such a good way. Paige bounced with the next 'remember when.'

"Remember when I was supposed to meet that pride group chick and then _you _dated her?" Paige shot proudly.

"Ooooh, low blow Paige!" She was laughing so hard that breathing had become difficult. "Can we just agree that Samara was not my finest ten minutes?"

"Oh, so you're into quickies? Remind me to kick her ass for not fully taking care of your needs." Paige teased.

"Shut up! That's not what I meant." She blushed.

They listened to each other intently as the laughter died down. Eventually exhaustion overtook them both, but neither of them could handle saying goodbye. Instead they fell asleep to the sound of each other breathing, knowing this was as close as they could get at the moment.

A knocking on the door woke her up. Emily panicked, jumping up from the floor where she had slept all night. The phone still clutched tightly in her hands completely drained of its battery. Her mom opened the door, peaking inside cautiously.

"Hey" she said softly. Her eyes turning into confusion as she took in her daughter's mess of hair standing dazed in the middle of the room.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I guess I never reset my alarm." She moved to her dresser grabbing a pair of jeans and taking in her reflection in the dresser mirror. Ugh.

"I heard you laughing last night. Did you talk to Paige?" She asked. "And...did you sleep on the floor." She added looking very puzzled. Emily's cheeks flushed a little. She had talked to Paige, she had fallen asleep listening to her breathe.

"Yea, I did." She smiled weakly. Trying to comb her fingers through her hair and failing. Her mom smiled back at her. Then pointed her finger directly at Emily, all smiles gone.

"One more day." She said firmly, then exited the room.

Oh thank God. Emily plugged the dead phone into the charger on her nightstand and climbed into her bed. Just a few more hours.

* * *

She had woken up an hour ago to the sound of the news station echoing through the hotel room. Her dad bustled around the small kitchen area pouring his coffee and reading his newspaper. Scoffing from time to time as he read something he disagreed with. Everything seemed typical today, better.

They had talked for several hours last night before she had called Emily. Her mom too. It had been much more civil than she had expected. Well, at least everything that was directed at her. Things between her folks were a bit tense. They snapped at each other a few times, but mostly ignored each other, only creating a palpable strain in the room. She assumed there were conversations that they didn't want to have in front of her and that notion didn't bother her in the least. She had plenty of her own problems to worry about.

Plenty of good things had come from the conversation. For one thing her dad had canceled the swim coach, respecting her decision to stop swimming. She didn't really know if she wanted to stop or not, the point was that the choice was hers and he was leaving the decision up to her. Swimming had always been so forced on her. She both loved and hated it. It was a nightmare yet she still found solace beneath the surface. Giving that up would surely be a long drawn out battle in her mind. Something she didn't want to focus on right now. Instead she would blame it on the large purple bruise on her shoulder that would surely make swimming difficult.

She agreed to the tutor, at least for the time being and in exchange she got to keep Emily's phone. She had also agreed to some sort of mystery activity with her dad for bonding. He wouldn't tell her what it was but he assured her that she would enjoy it, and after a few phone calls it was set for that evening. She hadn't fought any of it. She deserved every stipulation and knew that complying was the only way for her to get back to Emily.

She smiled appreciatively as he set a glass of Orange juice on the coffee table in front of her. She had spent the past hour sprawled out on the small sofa watching the battery on Emily's phone slowly fill back up. Her dad laughed at the way she stared at it will such intent, but his amusement was lost on her. This was serious. What if she missed a call or a text? That couldn't happen.

"I have to run to the store and pick up a few things. Will you be okay here for an hour?" Paige rolled her eyes, giving him a 'seriously?' glance. Her mom had just run down to the lobby for a guest complaint card, something about the softness of the bath towels. In any case she'd be back any minute. After he left she unplugged the cord from the wall, walking to the bathroom and plugging it back in on the sink counter. Just in case.

She showered quickly, pausing every few seconds to listen for any activity from the phone. As soon as she was clean and wrapped in a towel... the process was repeated. The phone was carried with her to the second bedroom where she plugged it into the outlet on the dresser. She smiled remembering how she had listened to Emily breathe, a sound that rocked her heart to sleep. The hard part was trying to forget the cries that had come before the soft steady breathing. Those cries tormented her. She held the towel tightly as she sifted through her bag, searching for something to wear. She had no idea what her dad had planned which made outfit planning extremely difficult.

"Paige?"

She turned to see her mom staring in the doorway then turned away in the same instant, uneasily continuing her search through her bag and choosing to ignore the distraction that approached her.

"Paige, I owe you an apology." She said, walking closer. "I let you down. None of this should have happened. I know things have gotten bad lately and its our fault for letting you believe that it had anything to do with you."

She swallowed hard keeping her back turned to her Mom. She could hear the sincerity in her words and as much as that meant to her it also angered her. She knew it was her fault too. Her fingers stopped as they brushed against lace in her bag. She squeezed her eyes shut at the feeling of it under her fingertips. She had to fix this for Emily she had to fix herself. So she released the lace turning to face her mom.

"This is my fault too." She admitted, hoping to ease the guilt in her mom's mind. "I should have pulled dad out of bed that night. I should have included him in the biggest part of my life, but I didn't and that was wrong." She paused for a moment, focusing on keeping the battle at bay. "And you...you should have stood up for me, you should have been there for me because..." Her eyes stung, watering down her cheeks. "because i felt alone and abandoned and that's what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to be there for me. You're supposed to protect me when I can't do it myself."

She closed her eyes, concentrating on her feelings and forcing herself to calm down. Her mom's arms wrapped around her shoulders pulling her close.

"I'm so sorry Paige." She whispered.

It was the only thing she could say and it was the only thing Paige needed to hear. She had said what she needed to say and thats all she could do for herself. Forgiveness was important if she was ever going to be good for Emily, because she knew she'd probably be asking Emily for forgiveness often. She hugged her back.

* * *

Emily opened her eyes, squinting at the sunlight peaking through the window. The pain in her chest had dulled enough to allow her to breathe. She was still resting numbly somewhere between dreams and reality. Slow shallow breaths mixed with the warm air of the room. Her body felt heavy. Weighed down by calm around her. There hadn't been a sunny day in Rosewood since Saturday morning. It was funny to note how the real clouds had appeared at precisely the same time as the metaphorical clouds. The gloomy sky brought the hurt. The sun brought hope.

Just like someone shutting off the slow drips of anesthesia through an IV, the numbness disappeared from her body, slow enough to make the resurfacing pain just as agonizing as before. It made her wrap her arms around her chest in response, physically trying to pull the hole back together. Paige's laughter on the phone still echoed through her head.

She reached for the phone on her nightstand, still managing to keep one arm wrapped desperately around her torso. No missed calls. No messages. The clock said it was just past noon. Sometime during their whispers last night Paige had said she would call her in the morning. But they had talked for hours and she was probably still sleeping. She pressed the speed dial.

"Hey, this is Emily..." She hung up. Straight to voice mail. The phone was probably dead just like hers had been from falling asleep talking. Thank God for unlimited minutes.

She pulled herself out of bed and walked to her dresser, pulling out a pair of shorts and a sports tank. She needed to move, she needed to do something. Anything to keep her mind off of the missing piece of her soul. Anything that would help strengthen the weakness in her lungs.

There was a note waiting for her on the dining room table.

*_going to the grocery store, be back soon. Love, mom_*

That was good. She was happy not to have to answer to her mom in that moment. Her insides itched as though something was feeding caffeine directly to her nervous system. She slipped into her tennis shoes still clutching the phone tightly between her fingers and walked outside. She noted right away that the sun had deceived her. It was shining yes, but it did nothing to warm the air. A punch in the stomach all things considered. Another metaphor for her life at this moment. Talking to Paige last night had brought light to her mind but just like the sun shining right now...that bright light didn't change anything. Paige was still gone the same way the wind was still cold. Just a deception.

She pushed her legs into movement, craving heat in her body. The cold air whipping harshly against her bare arms and legs as she ran down the sidewalk. She squeezed the phone tighter. Her lungs ached after a few minutes due to how much they had struggled the past few days. But she kept pushing herself faster, ignoring the discomfort. She focused her eyes ahead, letting her surroundings blur into a smeared water-color. Hearing nothing but the thudding of her pulse in her ears. Her subconscious told her to look at the large cream house on the right, but she couldn't. She pushed harder making the colors around her fade more. She didn't want to see Paige's house empty and abandoned. She didn't need another reminder of how her body felt. The pavement beneath her feet turned softer and louder as gravel took its place. She didn't stop. The ache in her lungs was building, her vision shifting slightly from the pounding in her head.

The wind around her died down after a few moments. A dizziness threatened control over her limbs, making her stumble a bit on the uneven ground. She pushed herself, focusing carefully on her senses. She ticked them off as she ran.

Sight: blurry.

Taste: nope, nothing.

Smell: damp earth.

Touch: phone.

Hearing: water.

Water? She locked her knees, stopping abruptly. The lack of movement throwing her body forward to the ground. She couldn't bring herself to even try to break her fall. Her legs scraping against the dirt and loose gravel. She could feel the hot blood on her knees but she ignored it, pulling herself to her feet quickly. Seemingly unphased by the incident. She inched forward, taking in her surrounds with caution.

If she hadn't been looking she would have missed it completely. Nothing about it resembled anything even remotely familiar. Dried leaves hid the green moss-covered bank and as she looked up, she could see the sky clearly. Not like before. Only a few leaves clung to the branches just waiting to be blown to the ground. It was stark, bare and cold. She walked forward knowing exactly what she was looking for, accepting the agony that was sure to come with its discovery. And it came, without hesitation as her fingers clasped carefully around the folded plaid blanket that lay buried under leaves.

How could this place have changed so fast in just a matter of days? A speck of pink fell from the blankets folds as she pulled it from the ground. A rose petals still preserved..spared from the elements. Oh God, Paige. She fell weakly to the ground, clutching the plaid to her chest. It was cold and damp from rain but she didn't care, only holding it that much tighter.

She couldn't do this...she didn't know how. This emptiness was too much. This place had already been so hard for her to overcome and now, it was unbearable. She needed Paige now. She pressed numbers into the phone in her hand, waiting while it rang.

"Hey, this is Emily, I can't.." she hung up, immediately pressing another series of numbers. The line picked up after one ring.

"Hey!"

"Hanna? I need your help." She said, standing from the ground and leaving the blanket in a pile behind her.

* * *

Dido Here With Me (disclaimer i do not own the rights to this song.)

Translation in progress. Please wait...

Songwriters: BARROW, JAMAAL / SMITH, JUSTIN GREGORY

I didn't hear you leave

I wonder how am I still here

And I don't want to move a thing

It might change my memory

Oh I am what I am

I do what I want

But I can't hide  
And I won't go

I won't sleep

I can't breathe

Until you're resting here with me  
And I won't leave

I can't hide

I cannot be

Until you're resting here with me

I don't want to call my friends

For they might wake me from this dream

And I can't leave this bed

Risk forgetting all that's been

Oh I am what I am

I do what I want

But I can't hide  
And I won't go

I won't sleep

I can't breathe

Until you're resting here with me  
I won't leave

I can't hide

I cannot be

Until you're resting here with me


	10. Chapter 10

_**Okay I have to say this chapter was amazing for me to write and i hope you enjoy it to! I have an idea though but i need an artist. This site allows cover art to be uploaded to the story, sort of like a book cover. I'm looking for anyone interested in creating a piece that speaks to the story and can be uploaded as the cover. If there are any artists out there that have the desire to help add to this project please send me a private message with any ideas you may have. The Picture would need to be scanned and emailed to me and you would always be recognized as the artist. any type of drawings or paintings depicting Blue Lace would be appreciated. Since we are going on Chapter 10 I think it's about time the story has a cover! Thanks in advance to everyone that reads this. I write for you and i'll always reply to your reviews or questions. Enjoy!**_

* * *

After she got off the phone with Hanna she took a deep breath, looking at the woods around her one last time before turning her back to the memories and beginning her sprint home. She was sure her lungs were about to explode and there was a very good chance of her mom finding her body lifeless along the side of the road, but she pressed forward, ignoring the hot stream that ran down her leg. She still had an hour before school let out and then Hanna would be arriving at her house. Of course Hanna would be on board with any and _all_ defiant behavior. That's exactly why she had called her instead of Spencer or Aria. A lecture from Spencer is not what she was looking for and Aria was probably busy with her own extracurricular activities. While she trusted these girls she knew Hanna would be the most helpful, especially with Caleb by her side.

She threw open the door to her house and charged up the stairs and into her bathroom. Stripping her body of her clothing and blood stained socks and stepping into the shower before it had even warmed. Her skin dyed from the streaks of crimson that had run down her right leg. The cold water coated her body and sharpened her senses, running red around her feet. She squeezed her eyes shut letting it pour over her face. As the water began to warm she slapped it off, standing still as the beads of water drained from her skin. She stayed there until the trembling in her bones became too much, wrapping herself in a warm towel and calming the chills that took over her body. Protecting herself from the air around her. She walked to her dresser, pulling out a pair of jeans and her Rosewood Sharks hoodie.

She tensed as she slid the denim over her knees. The blood had washed off in the shower but there was still the layers of missing skin to deal with. Her right leg looked the worst but the left wasn't as bad. Her palms were a bit scraped though. She stared at them, curious as to why nothing hurt. The wounds were there but physically, the pain was not. She was beyond pain at this point, running only on the adrenaline that fueled her body.

She pulled her hoodie on and slipped into a pair of sneakers, taking a few minutes to pull her hair into a messy ponytail and study herself in the mirror. She looked okay, normal even. Aside from the faint circles under eyes she looked the same as any other day. She ripped the phone charger from the wall and stuffed it into her pocket along with the cell phone before heading downstairs to wait. Hanna would there any minute now.

Her mom wasn't home yet so she walked to the kitchen, deciding to leave a note. She had to. There was no way she could do this without letting her mom know that she was okay. So, she grabbed the pen on the counter and scribbled on the same note her mom had left her earlier that day.

*_ I'm okay, be back later. Don't worry. Love, Emmy_*

The pet name was necessary. Her parents always called her that so she was relying on it to ease her mom's mind and keep her from worrying too much. She leaned against the counter waiting restlessly for Hanna and Caleb to arrive. She planned on leaving her car here. Somehow she thought her mom would worry less if she didn't think she out driving around somewhere while so emotionally unstable.

Her stomach growled as she eyed the box of donuts from Sunday morning. She flipped open the lid absent-mindedly, immediately regretting that decision. The only thing left in the box was a giant glazed donut...missing one bite. Paige's donut. She swallowed back the dryness in her throat, fighting the feeling of her closing airway. She waited for the tears to come, even willing them to bring the release that she had become so used to. To bring the numbness that dulled the pain. But nothing came. Nothing sad anyway. Just anger and an unwavering determination for what she was about to do. She slammed the box shut, dropping it into the trash can. The room was beginning to spin around her. She sunk to the floor leaning heavily into the cabinets behind her back, resting her head between her knees to slow the movement of the walls.

"Hurry up Hanna." She whispered, breathing carefully through her nose and out through her mouth.

The phone rang in her pocket. She pulled it out quickly, exhaling at the incoming call on the screen.

"Paige? Hey.." she breathed, excitement racing through her though she tried to hide it.

"Hey Emily." Her voice sounded happy. It made her feel better and uneasy at the same time. Emily thought of herself falling to the ground in the woods. Of the blood running down her legs that she couldn't even feel. Of herself laying in bed clutching at her sides to keep from falling apart. Was Paige already so used to being away from her? Wasn't this hurting Paige just as deeply as it was hurting her? Her emotions were running high, muddling her thoughts.

She knew the answers to those questions already. At least, she hoped she did. In any case the happiness sounded wrong and forced. She scolded herself quickly. They had laughed for hours last night so there was always the possibility that Paige was still in that mindset. She counted her blessings and while the list was short at the moment...anything was better than hearing Paige cry.

"I'm sorry I didn't call sooner, the phone was dead". Paige added, short and sweet, empty of emotion.

"Yeah I know, mine too." She replied. Something was wrong. Maybe it was just her being paranoid and maybe not. After three minutes of silence it began to worry her. Each passing second making her grow more and more unsettled until she had to speak.

"Is everything okay?" She swallowed the knot in her throat, noticing how she could feel her blood pressure rising and making her dizzy. The silence was deafening. "Talk to me.." her voice was soft, possibly even inaudible, but she was begging. Then she heard it. A whimper that broke her heart and made her eyes pool over. "Paige please don't cry." She begged. "What's wrong?"

"Everything is wrong." Paige snapped weakly. "And...hearing you cry last night just proves how fucked up this all is...but when I heard you laugh again...I just wanted to be holding you and I can't." Paige's voice cracked, releasing more tears. She could hear the pain in her voice, the struggle. "I'm sorry I'm hurting you. It's the last thing I want to do. And I'll understand if you..."

"Paige stop." She said firmly, pushing back her own despair. "Don't say that, okay? Do even think it." She didn't know what she could say. Of course Paige was hurting as much as she was. Of course she missed her. But she couldn't let herself focus on that because it hurt too much. She had to force herself to tune out her cries because it was the only way to keep herself from screaming and falling to the floor. She had done enough of that in the last three days and had tired her body of it. She needed to take care of Paige. There couldn't be an option two. She had to be the strong one now and do everything she could to protect her. So she took a chance.

"_Remember when..._ you wore that extremely sexy suit to the masquerade?" She changed the subject, albeit poorly, but she tried. Hoping for success because the alternative would surely break through her resolve. She held her breath, waiting for the fallout that she feared.

But Paige laughed lightly, letting her exhale in relief.

"Yes..I do." Paige chuckled, breaking quickly through her tears, clearly grateful. Emily laughed softly with her, steering her carefully away from the sadness that affected them both. Her determination returning tenfold.

"So what are you doing today?" She asked lightly. Paige sighed heavily.

"I don't know, I have to do some bonding thing with my dad later." Her voice less than enthusiastic. A knock sounded at the door, pulling Emily's attention away and making her heart race.

"That's a good thing." Emily assured half-heartily. Paige just scoffed. "Hey, I gotta go can I call you later?" She added.

"Um yeah no problem." Paige replied. She could hear the disappointment in her voice but she made herself ignore it. She had more pressing things at the moment.

"I love you Paige." She whispered.

"I love you too."

She hung up the phone quickly and walked to front door, pushing everything else from her mind. Hanna and Caleb waited, leaning against the railing of the porch.

"You ready?" Hanna chimed. A huge grin on her face. Emily nodded pushing her phone towards Caleb.

"See what you can do." She said flatly. Caleb clicked it on and after a few seconds he smirked proudly.

"Well seeing as there's a tracking app on your phone...I'd say finding her won't be too difficult." Emily just nodded impatiently. She could deal with her mom later.

"Well then let's go." She said walking past them to Hanna's car and climbing into the passenger seat. They followed quickly, Caleb sliding into the back and stretching his body out comfortably, mumbling something about his job being too easy. Hanna cranked on her angry chick music as she backed out of the driveway, bobbing her head along to the beat and singing the wrong words entirely.

She settled her head against the cold glass of the window, letting her eyes fall easily closed despite the blaring of 'So What' through the speakers. It took everything in her not to slap that song off.

* * *

She set the phone down, staring at it in confusion. The abrupt end to the conversation was awkward and quite frankly worrisome. Her breathing became ragged at the possibility of Emily not wanting to talk to her. Was she angry with her? She had every right to be, all things considered. Suddenly she felt even more alone and scared that Emily really might give up on her. She felt the lingering emptiness tug at her heart and the hollow feeling in her lungs. Though she tried not to dwell on those feelings, they were still there. She couldn't focus on them because they would make her even more angry at this whole situation and she couldn't risk getting angry again. She had to change this and the only way to do that...was to get through this as unscathed as possible. She heard the hotel room door close loudly so she tucked the phone into her jeans and pulled on a sweater before walking out of the bedroom.

The sight she saw upon entering the living room was both comedic and pathetic. Her dad struggling to juggle three large shopping bags in his arms. A feat that would no doubt be easy for her mom to carry out flawlessly. This scenario on the other hand was a mixture of tripped legs and flailing arms. The laugh could not be silenced.

"What are you doing?" She laughed, taking a set back and denying him any help. This was far too entertaining without her clumsiness involved.

He chuckled beneath the bags, dropping them in a heap on the couch. "Well, we needed a few things for our activity." He beamed proudly at the bags, waiting for Paige to look as enthused as he was. She played along, inching closer. The mystery activity wasn't something she was really looking forward to but it was a step in the process of getting back to Emily and that made it necessary.

"So, what are we doing?" She asked curiously. He grinned wider, grabbing one large bag in particular and handing it to her excitedly.

Her nerves were a wreck at the possibilities. Any number of activities could make this bag feel so heavy in her arms. She forced herself not to look, reaching in with her hand and keeping her eyes on her dad in an uneasy way. Confusion multiplied when she felt hard leather beneath her fingertips. Warm and smooth. She gripped around the object and pulled it from the bag. At the moment her eyes made contact the realization sunk in. A small smile appearing on her lips as she stared at blue boxing glove in her hand.

"What do you think?" He smiled, trying to study her face for clues to how she was feeling.

"This is better than father daughter dancing." She admitted, nodding her head in approval.

"There's more." He stated, gesturing to the bag.

She set the glove on the couch, pulling out its twin and setting it down too. Reaching in again her fingers clasped around soft cotton. She pulled the fabric from the bag and as it unfolded before her eyes, her breathing stopped. Turning it over in her hands as her eyes stung and she choked on her emotions. She made herself stay in control. It was amazing, this shirt she held in her hands. The brightest of deep royal blues she had ever seen, and the most beautiful. A small white anchor stood out starkly on the bottom left corner with 'McCullers' in white letters across the back. She looked at her dad smiling back at her.

"This is great." She admitted. She tried to hide how emotionally touched she was and thankfully her dad pretended he didn't notice. He reached into another bag pulling out a larger matching tee-shirt.

"I have one too. And I got one for your mom but I'm doubting she'll wear it." He laughed. Paige nodded weakly trying to stay together. The level at which her dad was trying to fix things, was superior when compared to her own half-hearted attempts. That wasn't fair of her.

She dropped the shirt to the couch and did the only thing she felt like doing at the moment. She hugged him. Wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. He seemed startled for a second but he recovered quickly, closing his arms around her waist and resting his chin against the top of her head. She didn't expect his strong arms to make her feel as safe as they did. He moved his hand to her hair and held her tighter. A tear slid down her face, angry that they had ended up so strained and far apart. The second she shifted to wipe the tear he released her completely, instinctively thinking that she was done with the contact. She stepped back and turned to the bags on the couch, shaking her head as she tried to clear it.

"So, why boxing?" She asked curiously. He shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know. I guess I fingered that you'd benefit from kicking my ass." He laughed. She laughed too, nodding in agreement.

"Game on McCullers." She said, slapping him on the back and grabbing her bag to go change out of her jeans and sweater. His smiled in relief, and in that moment she could see just how much he was relying on this time together...and just how much it meant to him.

She closed the bedroom door quietly behind her, leaning heavily against it and wiped the tears that had begun falling the second she had turned her back to her dad. Her breathing slow and deliberate. She moved forward, dumping the bags contents on the bed. A pair of white cotton stretch shorts with royal blue trim, wrapping tape, the gloves and the tee-shirt. She pulled her sweater and jeans off, reaching into her suitcase and replacing her regular bra with a sports bra. Then she slid on the white shorts, and the royal blue shirt. It hugged tightly to her skin. Both articles of clothing form-fitting and perfect for any type of workout.

She stared at herself in the mirror above the dresser. Her hair a mess of tangles over her shoulders. Slowly she inched her fingers up, automatically beginning a small braid in the strands, then another, before pulling it all back into a messy bun. She thought of Emily, only for a moment because any longer and she would surely fall to pieces. Then she grabbed the tape and gloves off the bed and went out to meet her dad in the kitchen. Her jaw dropping as she saw her mom standing before her in a matching McCullers shirt.

"Wow, looking good." She teased. Her moms eyes beamed proudly. Paige grabbed a glass of juice that waited for her on the counter.

"I'm just going to watch." She clarified. "Moral support only." Her dad entered the kitchen wearing his shirt. A large smile on his face and something missing from his hands.

"Um dad? Where are your gloves." She asked. He just smiled wider.

"Who said I bought gloves?" He winked. Paige spit her juice back into her glass, swallowing hard and shaking her head in disbelief. Her lips parted to protest but without words she just looked like a fish struggling to breathe. Her mom grinned, patting him on the back reassuringly.

"You're going to need more body armour than that tee-shirt." She laughed, walking out of the room.

She looked at her dad incredulously, dumping her juice in the sink and crossing her arms over her chest.

"What?" He asked innocently, chuckling under his breath. "I'll use focus pads." He conceded retreating out of the room after her mom. Her eyes were wide in shock as she stared after him. This was going to be interesting.

* * *

The phone rang in her hand, forcing her eyes to open. She looked around quickly. Hanna wasn't bouncing to the music anymore. Instead she sang wildly off key to a sappy love ballad. Caleb lay asleep in the back seat but he stirred awake as the phone rang again. The clock read after 5pm. They had been driving a little over an hour and a half so they should almost be there. She glanced at the phone in her hand. An incoming call from 'home' flashing across the screen. She answered it quickly. Speaking before her mom could.

"Mom, I left you a note." She stated.

"Oh, I know...I know you did!" Her mom's voice was sarcastic and edging panic. "You told me not to worry and you signed it with the nickname that you hate...so of course I'm worried." She sounded slightly crazed. "What are you doing?!"

"Mom, you know what I'm doing." She said flatly.

"Well, your car is here, so you're either walking or you've enlisted help." She insinuated.

"Hanna and Caleb." She clarified, mumbling under her breath. She heard her mom sigh heavily.

"Of course its Hanna." She wasn't in the least bit surprised. A moment of silence passed before she spoke again, her voice softer and more relaxed. "How are you going to find her Emily? Do you even know where she is?"

"Well..." She started. "Apparently there's a tracking app on my phone so I'm guessing it won't be hard. Know anything about that?" she quipped. More silence.

"We'll talk when you're home. Tell _Caleb_ and Hanna I said hi." There was emphasis on the 'Caleb', probably because she knew about his tech savy ways. She hung up the phone without another word, shifting in her seat to face Hanna.

"How much further?" She asked. Hanna beamed at her excitedly.

"I'd say about 15 minutes."

Emily nodded, handing her phone over the seat to Caleb. He grabbed it quickly, clicking it on and going to work. A minute or so passed before he spoke.

"Got her!"

* * *

"Come on McCullers, hit me!" Her dad urged. Chuckling at her weak attempt at jabbing. He dropped the focus pads to the floor. "If you're not going to hit me, I'm not using pads."

She clenched her fist inside her gloves, smiling at the amusement on his face. This was surprisingly fun, even if she was only using a small percentage of her strength. It was light and easy, just standing here messing around. Her mom sat perched on a bleachers against the wall, laughing every time she landed a hit and made her dad stumble. She stopped though, as soon as the focus pads hit the floor. She stepped back.

"Let's go Paige." He said, using his fingers to gesture her to continue. She shook her head firmly.

"I'm not hitting you." She stated.

"Come on!" He pressed. She shook her head again. There was no way she was hitting him. He was completely unprotected. No pads, no gloves. Nothing but the tee-shirt and cotton to protect his body. No way in hell. His shoulders sunk at her hesitation. He smiled softly at her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and turning to her mom on the bleachers.

"She's a softy!" He said jokingly. Her mom nodded enthusiastically. She felt her cheeks flush uncomfortably, bringing her glove up to slug her dad in the stomach. He coughed as the air was forced from his lungs, leaning forward and resting his hands on his knees.

"That's more like it." He choked, laughing at the sudden change in his daughter's attitude. "Are you ready now?" He joked, stepping back and waiting for her to take another shot. She blew a stray strand of hair from her face, tapping her gloves together and smiling at him proudly.

"This is going to hurt me a lot more than it'll hurt you." She teased, bringing her gloves up to her chin. He laughed.

"Somehow I doubt that." Her mom "whooped" and clapped excitedly from her seat.

The sound of a gym door opening distracted her suddenly, her dad staring intently over her shoulder with his guard down. She turned slowly to see what he was looking at, immediately dropping her gloves to her side.

Everything started moving in slow motion in that moment. She had seen it happen before in movies but this was far from a movie. The air buzzed around her ears as her eyes landed on Emily. Her breath slipping slowly from her lips. The way Emily's hair fell in thin wisps around her face as she moved.

Something about her movement was wrong. Emily was the most graceful being in the world but now? Her movements were harsh and angry. Her fists clenched tightly at her side. Emily wasn't even looking at her, instead her eyes burned heavily into her dad standing behind her. Suddenly Paige's mind was forced back to the day she had left. Emily raising her fist in the driveway. Emily ready to pounce.

Her heartbeat quicken at the realization of what was about to happen, and just like before...she couldn't allow it to. She couldn't let Emily be hurt by her. She couldn't let her family think any less of her. She couldn't let Emily turn into someone that she wasn't. She just couldn't.

Everything picked up speed the moment that decision was made in her mind. She turned to look at her dad in concern. His eyes weren't angry or fearful. He was sad and accepting. Like he knew what was coming and we was completely okay with. Like he deserved it, and maybe he did. But Paige wasn't okay with it, and Emily was moving closer.

The clock sped, giving movement back to her body as she turned to face her dad, an apologetic look in her eyes as they met his. Her body blocking him from Emily's approach. She clenched her fist inside of her glove, raising it into the air and releasing a full forced blow. Her glove made hard contact with his jaw sending him stumbling back and nearly knocking him to the ground. The sound of the footsteps behind her coming to an abrupt halt.

"Oh, shit!" She breathed.

* * *

**The Story lyrics**  
**Songwriters:**Phillip John Hanseroth

All of these lines across my face  
Tell you the story of who I am  
So many stories of where I've been  
And how I got to where I am

But these stories don't mean anything  
When you've got no one to tell them to  
It's true, I was made for you

I climbed across the mountaintops  
Travel across the ocean blue  
I cross over lines and I broke all the rules  
And baby I broke them all for you

Oh because even when I was flat broke  
You made me feel like a million bucks  
You do, I was made for you

You see the smile that's on my mouth  
It's hiding the words that don't come out  
All of the friends who think that I'm blessed  
They don't know I'm in this mess

No they don't know who I really am  
And they don't know what I've been through  
Like you do, and I was made for you

All of these lines across my face  
Tell you the story of who I am  
So many stories of where I've been  
And how I got to where I am

Oh but these stories don't mean anything  
When you've got no one to tell them to  
It's true, I was made for you  
Oh yeah, and it's true that I was made for you


	11. Chapter 11

_**Let me just take a moment to sigh loudly! thank you to all of the readers that have stuck with me through this story, i promise i'm trying to make up for the sad times. This Chapter begins my apology :) Enjoy and let me know what you think! Remember to check out the song choice after each chapter as they influenced the emotions of each chapter greatly.**_

* * *

_The clock sped, giving movement back to her body as she turned to face her dad, an apologetic look in her eyes as they met his. Her body blocking him from Emily's approach. She clenched her fist inside of her glove, raising it into the air and releasing a full forced blow. Her glove made hard contact with his jaw sending him stumbling back and nearly knocking him to the ground. The sound of the footsteps behind her coming to an abrupt halt._

_"Oh, shit!" She breathed._

* * *

"Do you want us to come in?" Hanna asked.

She threw open the car door, climbing out and looking around. The gym that stood before her was large and modern. Grey with steel pillars and sharp lines. She turned back to look at Hanna. Caleb had already begun his climb into the front seat.

"Um, no I need to do this." She assured. They nodded understandingly.

"Okay, we're gonna grab a coffee. But.." she added, pointing her finger directly at her. "call me if you need backup."

She nodded in agreement as she closed the door behind her, turning to face the giant building that looked much more like a prison than a gym. All though, Hanna usually argued that gyms were prisons so it was actually quite fitting.

She wallked towards the large glass doors, struggling to pull them open. The desk inside the door was empty so she began her search, peeking into rooms full of treadmills and glass walls housing private racket ball courts. Her anxiety increasing with each room that didn't reveal Paige. She threw open a heavy metal door towards the back of the building, looking inside quickly and almost missing her completely due to her haste. But she didn't miss her, she did a double-take at the girl standing inside this room. She couldn't see anything but this girl. No surroundings, no detail to the man that stood beside her. Just her. Her brown hair braided into a messy bun, her stance with her arms locked to her sides, the way she shifted her weight from her right foot to her left then back again. Paige.

She threw the heavy door open sending it slamming into the wall. Feeling the vibration it caused through the room but not actually hearing the sound. She couldn't hear anything over the ringing in her ears and now...she couldn't see anything but Paige's dad through the anger that fogged her vision. Her fist clenched as she gained ground. She could see the knowing look in his eyes as he watched her approach. He knew why she was here and something about that made her smile on the inside.

Paige made a sudden sharp movement in front of her, shifting the air around her body and bringing Orange and vanilla to her nose. The scent stopping her in her tracks and starting a tremor through her body that ripped all oxygen from her lungs. Her eyes stung and her vision blurred until she couldn't see anything anymore. Her legs trembled beneath her weight, suddenly struggling to hold her up. The only thing she could focus on was the scent of Paige, and the fire that had appeared suddenly in her hand. It was burning, this heat that licked her fingers like a flame. Her brain couldn't wrap itself around the feeling. Why would there be fire in her hand? And why didn't it hurt?

* * *

A few things she was aware of simultaneously. One: Her dad clutching his mouth as he stumbled backwards in shock. Two: Her mom clutching her mouth to keep from laughing. And Three (also the most important.) : The heat of Emily's body standing just a few feet behind her. She kept it that way for the moment...the distance. Afraid to turn and face her just yet. Fear of what she had just done had frozen her in place. And Emily made no movement behind her.

"Damn Paige." He whined, looking at her in amusement as he wiped a streak of blood from his lip. Her mom busted into laughter suddenly, nearly rolling from the bleachers.

"Not quite a softy." She quipped reaching into her bag and tossing a gel ice pack in his direction. "You told her to hit you." She added sarcastically. Her mom's laughter stopped short.

She released the air from her lungs looking at her dad apologetically. But his eyes weren't on her anymore. They stared right past her... to Emily. His eyes changing from amusement to worry, then to panic. She turned quickly to follow his gaze. Her breathe catching in her lungs all over again. The realization as to why her dad suddenly looked so panicked crashed straight through her in terrifying vibrations. 'Em...'

Emily was there, three feet behind her. Her eyes glazed and distant. Lost completely to everything around her. Her fists clenched at her sides and her body trembling uncontrollably. Emily was falling apart before her eyes. She looked back to her dad, who just nodded.

Instinct pushed her body into motion, grabbing Emily's hand and pulling her towards the locker room. The heat of her fingers electrified her body. Just the contact forced tears from her eyes as she led Emily in the right direction. Hot moisture burned her cheeks but she didn't stop, even though the shaking in Emily's hand was increasing with each step, she willed herself not to turn around...not yet. Her need to protect Emily was the only thing on her mind. Everything that Paige wanted, everything that she needed in that moment would have to wait. Emily came first.

She led her into the dark back corner of the locker room, where a row of showers stood. Throwing each curtain open as she passed and turning the water straight to hot. She didn't stop until she had flipped on every single one and by that point the air around them had filled with a steamy fog. Emily had done this once for her.

Then she turned, letting her eyes fall heavily on Emily. The fast rising and falling of her chest. The tears streaking her cheeks and her eyes wandering blankly at her surroundings. She wanted Emily to look at her. She needed it. Emily was here, standing before her, but at the same time...she wasn't here, not really.

Suddenly the extent of which Emily had suffered became clear. A sickening reality before her eyes at just how much Emily was hurt by her absence. It was easy to see in the dark lines under her eyes and the tears falling down her face. It was easy to see how utterly terrified she was right now. She held her hand gently, applying a small amount of pressure...just waiting for her breathing to return to normal.

As the steam reached Emily's lungs her body slowly relaxed before her. Her fingers unclenching against her own. She moved her free hand up, softly touching her cheek. Emily's eyes snapped to hers. She watched them dilate as she finally began to focus on what was right in front of her.

* * *

Paige.

She moved quickly, grabbing Paige's face and crashing their lips together with a force that knocked the air from her chest. Paige gasped beneath her lips as she pushed her body back against the cold tile beside the shower stall. She couldn't remember getting here and had no recollection of how the air around them had become so hot and humid. All she remembered was the flame in her hand. That same flame that now licked her lips. Paige was here...now.

She pressed her weight into Paige, pinning her tightly against the wall. The tears that streaked her cheeks mixed with her own. Paige parted her shaking lips eagerly, moaning softly as their tongues met in the middle. A familiar ecstasy moving across her mouth as the sweetness spread.

Paige snaked her hand down to her waist, pulling her closer, if that was even possible. She knew the tile behind Paige's head was already causing her pain because she could feel her wincing under her lips.

She pulled away, breaking from the kiss and taking a deliberate step back. They struggled to breathe as their eyes met. Paige leaned heavily into the tile for support. Her blue t-shirt, clung tight and damp against her skin, inched up enough to expose a patch of her creamy skin on her stomach. Her white shorts were...God!

She turned her back to Paige, taking a moment to clear her head, but the sound of movement behind her brought her back in panic. Hoping to see Paige and half expecting her to have disappeared...again. But she was there, watching her carefully as she slowly inched her body closer. She reached, absent-mindedly wiping a tear that had fallen from Paige's face. Leaning in and letting their foreheads rest together.

* * *

"I'm sorry." Emily whispered. "I know you told me to trust you and I do. But I just couldn't..."

Emily had nothing to be sorry for. She knew everything that she had been through in the last few days had been her fault. She could have spared her of this, she could have told her dad to take her home, she could have fought harder. She chose to try to make things better for everyone involved but the cost had been too high. She had hurt Emily, possibly beyond repair and for what? A chance to have a better relationship with her family? None of that was as important as Emily. Emily is everything.

She squeezed her eyes shut, clenching her jaw until her teeth screamed at her.

"I did this." She whispered. "I hurt you, not my dad. I could have come back, I could have saved you from this but I didn't. I wanted to fix things with my folks so that I would be better for you, because you deserve that. You deserve better. I chose to go. That decision was mine and I'm sorry because all it did was hurt you."

Emily pulled away from her, looking at her in shock and disgust. A look that forced her to recoil and step back. It hurt but she accepted it. Emily was angry with her and she should be.

"Don't do that!" She snapped. "Don't take responsibility for this. I was too selfish and weak to be away from you. You shouldn't have had to tell me any of this, I should have trusted you and believed in us enough to let you do what you needed to do, but I wasn't. I fell apart, okay? I fell, quite literally to the ground in pieces because I couldn't trust you enough. I just thought of Maya, leaving me and that hurt enough already, but you...I couldn't trust you enough to come back. And my insecurities are not your fault." Paige stumbled back against the tile at the venom in her words. Her mouth open and at a loss. Confused and dazed by everything she was hearing.

Emily gasped, resting her hands on her knees as the onslaught of tears tore through her. She knew the truth. Paige had done nothing wrong. She wanted a better relationship with her family and here she was, storming into the middle, fists flailing and throwing a tantrum like a child. Demanding what she wanted when she wanted it. God, it was a miracle Paige was even standing here listening to this. She should hate her. She should have left her standing here alone. She should have gone so much further than Scranton.

Hands grabbed her arms, locking them to her sides...Paige, slamming her back hard against a locker. It didn't surprise her, in fact she had expected it. Paige had every right to be angry. She didn't know what was coming, a slap or a stream of profanity..but whatever it was, she would accept it without a fight. All of her fight was gone now. Completely drained from her body. She had said all she could say and nothing else mattered.

* * *

Paige cradled her head in her hand carefully as Emily hit the locker. She studied her eyes carefully. They were defeated and lost. A fire smouldering under the surface, but just barely. She traced her finger lightly over her cheek.

"I told you the only thing that can keep me away from you,_ is_ you." She whispered "But please don't..." She was pleading now.

"But..." Emily tried to protest.

She leaned in slowly, stopping just a breath away from Emily's lips. re-memorizing the way the light flickered back across her eyes as she inched closer. She tilted her head, kissing lightly to the corner of her mouth, then her jaw-line...her neck. The same way she had on Emily's porch Saturday night. Proving to Emily again that nothing could keep her away.

* * *

Her body trembled under Paige's lips, burying her face into her hair as she planted a kiss on her neck. Breathing deeply. She felt her pulse quicken as Paige's breath brushed her neck and then her lips were back, pressing soundly to hers. Warm and soft. The most tender kiss they had shared, just caring and tentative.

Paige cupped her cheeks carefully in both hands, sucking lightly on her bottom lip then pulling away and repeating the process on her top lip. Paige was waiting, not pressing deeper for some reason. Those careful kisses edged in sharp caution and the moment that she realized why, she broke away from Paige's mouth. Paige was scared, and waiting for an answer. Being apart had hurt her just as much, maybe even more.

She brought her hands up between them, pressing firmly against Paige's stomach and pushing her back enough so she could see her eyes clearly. Paige nodded solemnly, disheartened and immediately accepting the worst. That was the Paige she knew. The one thought fought with herself and doubted herself because that's what she had turned her into.

Part of her wondered of that would ever change. If they would ever be able to feel worthy of each other or if they would always doubt the others feelings and intentions. It had to change. There was no way around it. They wouldn't survive the alternative, they'd only tear each other apart until it became impossible to find all of the scattered pieces on the ground.

She wanted Paige to have the best of everything, the best of her family and the best of her. But more than anything she wanted Paige to end this war against herself. So she did the only thing she could think of in that moment. She turned and left her standing alone in the hot fog of the locker room.

* * *

She sunk to the floor weakly as Emily walked away, letting her head fall back against the tile wall. She waited for the tears to fall but they didn't. Despair had stripped her body of every feeling and emotion. Somehow this was everything she deserved and there were only two options. Either Emily was angry with herself as she had said, or she was angry with her. The latter seemed the most likely and quite honestly both of those options were connected. She really had hurt Emily beyond repair and she was to blame for both of those things and so much more. She stood to her feet and smashed her fist into the metal locker, sending a sharp pain through her arm. At least she was feeling something. She flexed her fingers cautiously. Nothing seemed broken or even sprained. What a shame. She punched it into the locker again.

"Fuck!" She cried. Okay,bad idea.

She rubbed her hand carefully, shaking it out. What the hell was she doing? She hadn't changed. She was still here throwing fits like a child while Emily walked away from her. No, there's no way she was going to let that happen. They hadn't gone through all of this just to end now. As much as she knew this was her fault, she owned it. It was her job to fix it. She sprinted to the door, trying to calculate how far Emily could have already gone.

* * *

Emily pushed through the locker room door just as she heard a crash of metal behind her. She flinched at the noise but didn't stop. She pulled her phone quickly from her pocket, sending Hanna a text message, then set her eyes ahead as she walked straight towards Mr. McCullers. He sat next to Paige's mom on the bleachers, clutching an ice pack to his chin while she patted him encouragingly on his back in mock comfort. She was laughing lightly. He stood as she approached, his face soft and ready. Emily stopped a few feet away, staring at him directly even though it was difficult. Her nerves were a bundle of knots in her stomach but nothing could have stopped her from this.

"Emily..." He started. She flinched at his voice, holding her hand up to stop him.

"Please...just let me talk." Her insides were shaking but she kept her voice strong and neutral. "I understand that you don't know anything about me, I get that, but please know this..." He nodded at her before she continued. "I love your daughter. And there's no amount of distance that could keep me from finding her. I'm hoping today proved that to you but if not... then feel free to take her further and just try me. But I'm really hoping that we both love her enough to not make her choose." Her voice was desperate and pleading now. "Because, I know what she'd choose, but I also know how important it is for her to have both." She couldn't risk losing Paige again. He smiled lightly, nodding his head in agreement.

"Who would she choose?" He asked. The question was a trap. Purely rhetorical.

"I..." She swallowed hard, trying to form an answer in her head. Her resolve began to crack under his gaze. She didn't have an answer to that, not really anyways because she hadn't thought of one. It was just a bluff that she was relying heavily on. All she had was hope. She tried to speak but he cut her off.

"Please don't doubt yourself Emily." He said softly. "Paige would always choose you." He held out the pair of boxing gloves in her direction. A smile played at her lips as she took the gloves into her hands.

"Can you promise me something?" He asked. She nodded curiously. "Can you promise not to go easy on me like Paige did?" He grinned, picking up the focus pads from the floor. She nodded again slipping her hands into the gloves and clenching her fist.

* * *

She pushed her body through the door, breaking out into the gym. She was ready to go on a full-fledged man hunt to find Emily. Ready and willing to do anything and everything that it took to make this right. But she hadn't been ready for this. She had expected to have to look much further.

She tucked her hands into the pockets of her cotton shorts, ducking her head slightly as she made a slow trek over the where her mom was sitting. Her eyes never leaving Emily's body, and the smile that was on her face. She slipped silently beside her mom, pulling her hands from her pockets. Her mom turned to smile at her but her eyes were still fixed on the girl 10 feet away. The way she thrust her fists hard into the focus pads. The way she was laughing as her she sent her dad stumbling back. He laughed too, smacking the pads together to encourage her.

"Those gloves don't work very good." Her mom said. She broke her eyes away from Emily to look at her mom.

" huh?" She asked confused. Her mom gestured her head to Paige's lap, and following her gaze she understood quickly what she was referring to. Paige covered her right hand subconsciously. Her knuckles were swollen and red.

"um, yeah..I guess not." She said flatly, tucking her hands between her knees. Her mom reached into her bag and pulled out another ice pack.

"Were you expecting me to get hurt?" She laughed. Her mom shook her head.

"Oh no, just your dad." She said, grabbing her swollen hand and holding the ice to her skin gently. "I have three more of these." She stated proudly. "But watching Emily...I think I should have brought more." Paige laughed again. She couldn't argue that.

"Yea she's strong." Paige mumbled, mentally adding other words to that list in her head. Brave, beautiful, smart, funny, incredible.

"You are too you know." Her mom stared at her wisely. "You're all of those things too." She stared back at her for a moment in awe before turning her eyes back to Emily. Emily caught her eye for a brief moment and smiled. Her eyes still said everything. I love you. I need you. Don't leave me. Her breath caught in her throat.

"Breathe Paige." Her mom whispered, nudging her shoulder playfully. She flushed as she released the air from her lungs.

The sound of the metal gym door swinging open caught her attention. Well, that high-pitched squeal coming from Hanna's mouth.

"Paaaaaaige!" She screamed excitedly, making her way to the bleachers where she sat. Caleb followed awkwardly behind, clicking away on his cell phone. He was using his ears to follow Hanna, not his eyes. Just follow the screams.

* * *

She dropped her hands to her sides to catch her breath and he looked happy for the break.

"Feeling better?" He asked. She smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, you?" She asked, pulling the gloves from her hands.

"It'll hurt more tomorrow." He laughed, taking the gloves as she handed them to him. She nodded approvingly.

"Good." She shot with a playful smile before turning on her heels to join the group. She was halfway there when Mr. McCullers called out to her.

"Emily!" he said, tossing something towards her. She turned, catching cotton in her hand and looking at him curiously. He just smiled and went back to packing up his duffel bag.

She walked slowly to the bleachers where Paige sat. Her mom was talking excitedly to Caleb and Hanna was chatting away in Paige's ear. She didn't seem to be listening. Her eyes were only fixed on her.

"You mean you can get me free minutes?" Mrs. McCullers asked skeptically.

"Yeah, give me your phone." Caleb replied, beaming proudly. She pushed it towards him with a grin on her face, and he went to work.

* * *

Emily sat down beside her, unraveling the fabric in her hands. Royal blue, with a white anchor on the bottom corner. She turned it over carefully. Her breath catching as she watched Emily take in the 'McCullers' across the back. She looked to her dad, but he just smiled at her and nodded. She could fell the burn starting behind her eyes but she held it in, smiling back at him weakly. He had made a t-shirt for Emily too. She tried to study Emily's face but she couldn't read her in that moment. Her face was lost in different emotions. But she moved, pulling her Sharks hoodie over her head. She shivered as the air hit her bare arms, exposed from the tank top she wore. She shifted the blue cotton in her hands and pulled it on over her head. It fit her body perfectly, made just for her. Emily turned to face her, eyes bright and happy.

"Em..." She started.

"Paige, just welcome me to the family already! Cuz I'm not going anywhere." Emily beamed.

"Yeah well, this is one messed up family." She joked. Emily laughed nudging into her shoulder.

Hearing her laugh through a phone line was nothing compared to the real thing. She vibrated the air around her ears sending goosebumps down her spine. The beauty of this moment engrained itself in her mind. Emily, pink-cheeked and smiling. No trace of the tears she had seen and heard so much in the past three days. It was like Emily had been here all along.

"Well, we're gonna go grab some dinner." Her dad said as he approached, swinging his bag over his shoulder. Her mom pounded Caleb's fist awkwardly as he handed back her phone. She grinned and stood up, joining her dad as he walked towards the door. Paige jumped up from beside Emily and followed after them automatically, but he turned to her quickly, just out of earshot from everyone else.

"We'll be home tomorrow." He smiled, hugging her for just a moment then turning away to follow her mom out the door.

"B..but..." She started.

"See you there, Paige!" He added as he walked away leaving her standing alone in the middle of the gym floor. She smiled to herself. Her whole body smiled. Her heart quickened as she felt the familiar heat behind her body. Familiar breath on the back of her neck as Emily's arms slinked around her waist, pulling her close.

"Do you guys have room for one more?" She whispered. Emily turned her around to face her.

"Really?" She asked. Her heart fluttered at the closeness in Emily's brown eyes and the hope that she saw there. She moved slowly, resting her hand behind Emily's ear then sliding it slowly down her neck, stopping just below her collar-bone. Relishing the strong steady beats beneath her fingers. She counted them for a moment, before she moved her hand back up to her neck, pressing her lips hungrily to Emily's.

Emily smiled beneath her lips and she couldn't help but smile too.

* * *

She sighed softly as Paige memorized her heartbeat, and when their lips found each other the emptiness and pain that had consumed her were gone. No pinch in her chest, no trace of the empty holes in her body. Like they had never existed in the first place. Her life line wasn't in her hand anymore, she was safe in her arms and throughout her entire body. Holding tightly to her, strong and steady. She was filling her nose with her scent and her mouth with her taste. Paige was coming home.

They broke apart as they heard Hanna 'awe' behind them. Caleb elbowed her.

"What? They're cute." She rolled her eyes at him.

She pressed a kiss to Emily's forehead and stepped back smiling, pulling Emily's pink phone from her pocket and placing it in her hand.

"I like your password." She beamed, turning away and walking to the bleachers to grab her duffel bag. Emily's cheeks flushed crimson as she followed.

* * *

The car ride home was quiet and dark with just the low hum of the radio and the light from the dash-board. Caleb was driving, and Hanna had fallen asleep in the passenger seat. She raked her fingers lightly through Emily's hair as she lay sleeping in her lap. Her legs stretched across the backseat and her face buried into her stomach, breathing slow and deep. She had her arm wrapped tightly behind Paige's back and every few minutes she would tighten her grip, just making sure that she hadn't disappeared.

"Thank you." she said softly, clicking the phone off and placing it carefully on seat beside her.

She hunched over wrapping both arms protectively over Emily's shoulders, leaning down and kissing her hair and staying there. She had fallen asleep within minutes of leaving Scranton. She hadn't known if Emily had called her mom yet but she figured she should take that upon herself. It was just after 11 now and a school night, so she had to call to let her mom know that Emily was safe and almost home. She had insisted that Paige stay the night, not hearing her at all when she said she would be fine at home alone. There was no doubt as to where Emily's strength came from, or her stubbornness.

Emily stirred as Caleb pulled into the driveway, yawning a mumble of unrecognizable words that somehow sleepy Hanna seemed to fully understand. She nodded mumbling something back. Paige whispered a thank you to them both before climbing out of the car and following her to the door. She was pulling her duffel bag over her shoulder, when Emily turned on her.

"You called my mom didn't you?" She asked accusingly. Paige shrugged innocently.

"Someone had to." She said. Emily glared at her in mock betrayal.

"You know she put a tracking device on my phone right?"

"Hey, I'm not getting in the middle of that. Besides...it made it easy for you to find me" Paige put her hands up in surrender. Emily just laughed.

"I guess that what I get for coming to your rescue." She joked.

"Hey, I punched my dad so you could always try that technique on her." Emily wrinkled her nose and smiled as she pushed the door open.

Her mom was there waiting, flustered and ready for answers. But Emily gave her a pleading look, forcing her to back down.

She turned, planting a soft kiss on Paige's cheek, then she moved up the stairs, speaking over her shoulder.

"If you track my phone tomorrow, I'll be sleeping in my bed...so don't be surprised." She said flatly. There was an awkward silence until they heard Emily close her bedroom door.

"Mrs. Fields...I'm sorry." She whispered softly. This was entirely her fault, and the last thing she wanted to do was put Emily at odds with her mom.

"Paige, when you called me Saturday night, do you remember what you told me?" she asked sharply.

"Yes.." Paige nodded lightly, swallowing the lump in her throat

"You told me that you love my daughter. I almost lost Emily because I didn't respect her love for Maya. After that she never trusted me enough to come to me when she needed help. She lost that when she lost Maya. You gave her back to me. I'm here for you just the same, because I know where your heart is. You're welcome here anytime." She smiled sweetly, then wrapped her arms around her shoulders. Paige hugged her back. Everything in her life was falling into place.

Emily's mom pulled away and studied her face.

"Are you okay, Paige? And I mean really okay?" She nodded without hesitation because the truth was, she was finally okay. Her mom smiled in relief then turned for the stairs. She moved automatically to the living room couch where she had slept before, her body exhausted and weak.

"Um, Paige?" Mrs. Fields called behind her. She turned to see her frozen still on the first step. "I think you both have spent enough time apart for now, don't you?" With that she turned and disappeared upstairs.

Her heart beat quickened as she opened Emily's door, slipping quietly inside. The room was dark except for the light from the window shining across the bed. She could just make out the shape of her body laying under the lavender quilt. She approached slowly as her eyes adjusted, trying not to disturb her. She didn't know where to sleep. The window bench maybe, or the floor. She hadn't actually slept in her bed before.

"I was waiting for my mom to go to sleep before sneaking down." Emily whispered in the darkness.

"Well, she sent me up here."

Emily shifted, sitting up in bed and outstretched her arm towards her. She walked to her as Emily pulled back the quilt and scooted over to make room. She was still wearing her cotton shorts and t-shirt and she could see that Emily was still wearing her McCullers shirt too. She climbed in beside her and wrapped her arms tightly around her waist, pulling her against her body. Lavender enveloped her nose as she stared into her dark eyes. Her soft legs bare against her own. Emily's breathing was soft and deep. She leaned in to whisper in Emily's ear and as she pressed her lips to her earlobe, her breathing stopped all together.

"You know...my name looks really good on you." She breathed.

* * *

She shivered under Paige's words... and the meaning behind them. Choking silently on the air around her. She pulled back to look into her eyes again. Weighing the depths of every emotion she found there. The love in her eyes made her feel strong and brave and those where the things she hadn't been feeling in her absence.

"I know." She whispered. Paige studied her carefully now.

* * *

She had never been able to read Emily's eyes so clearly until now. Even in the darkness she could see it all so perfectly. Emily understood her meaning and returned every feeling without the need to explain. Without the need for words and without fear for where they were going, because they were going there together. This 'I know' wasn't just for comfort or simply to appease. This 'I know' wasn't a lie. It was love and truth, and this 'I know'... meant everything.

* * *

She kissed her softly, then slid down lower, tucking her head under her chin and breathing her in. Her body relaxing and melting into her as Paige repeated steady strokes through her hair. She felt whole again. Safe and home, and these walls had nothing to do with it. She was home with Paige. And so, sleep found her quickly.

* * *

**"Feels Like Home" CHANTAL KREVIAZUK (I do not own these lyrics)**

Something in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself

Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms

There's something in your voice, makes my heart beat fast

Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been

And how long I've been so alone

And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along

And change my life the way you've done

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me

It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me

It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks, down a long, dark street

And a siren wails in the night

But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me

And I can almost see, through the dark there is light

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me

And how long I've waited for your touch

And if you knew how happy you are making me

I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me

It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me

It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong


	12. It Was Like A Dream: A Paily Special

_**This has been in the works in my head for a few weeks. well, the theme anyways...the story itself just came as I began writing. It was only originally supposed to be a short dream sequence of just a few paragraphs nestled somewhere in blue lace. Apparently I don't have it in me to just stop after a few paragraphs, so this was created. Thank you lainierb for placing this theme in my mind because now i may have to do a complete spin-off! Be mindful of the rating, this is not T for Teen so just know that going in! This is Emily's dream and her POV. Please leave a review or shoot me a PM and let me know what you think. Chapter 12 of Blue Lace will be following soon after this. Be sure to check out the songs listed for this chapter and THANK YOU again to lainierb for coming up with the genius idea of creating a "Blue Lace" playlist on her ipod...because now i have one also and am constantly replaying these feelings through my head! Enjoy!**_

* * *

Her eyes fluttered open as she drew in a sudden sharp breath, squinting at the bright twinkling lights that floated above her. Stars maybe? No, they were too close... yet still lost between drapes of colored satin. She moved her arm slowly, feeling soft cushion beneath her back. Running her fingers lightly across the white crushed velvet under her body. Sitting herself up she glanced around.

Pillows of fabric hung high above her head in deep reds and creamy whites. Strings of sparkling lights ran the length of the makeshift ceiling and formed twirling spirals down the large pillars that held everything up. The smell of warm sugar floated heavily in the air. An unfamiliar voice called out to her through a heavy curtain.

"One Hour!"

She hadn't meant to fall asleep and she was honestly surprised that nobody had checked on her sooner. Some poor soul would be hearing from her later for not doing their job. She pulled her body from the soft couch, leaving it behind her sadly as she walked to a dusty mirror in the corner. A few light bulbs had burnt out so that it now only emitted a sunset glow.

Not much had to be done. A few flips of her dark curls until they rested over her shoulders just right. A touch of gloss to her lips. She ran her hands down the pale blue corset that clung to her chest and straightened the deep blue gauze that flowed around her waist, stopping just above mid-thigh. A voice called a 50 minute warning somewhere in the distance. Taking a deep breath she grabbed the black heals beside the vanity and pushed through the heavy curtain.

The ground was soft beneath her bare feet, a mixture of grass and saw dust. She glanced around quickly to get her bearings because everything changed so often. It was called 'backstage' even though there wasn't really a stage at all, more like rings but apparently nobody could come up with a better name for the "behind the magic" area. It was separated from the house by a large burgundy curtain. While she could hear the voices of excitement and applause on the other side, the profanities and panic on this side were much louder.

She tightened her grip on the shoes as she began a light run through the many obstacles of performers and props. Men smiled and whistled as she ran but she had long since grown used to that sound. She didn't have time to throw her snarky comments back at the moment. The animals were waiting. She reached a blue curtain and slipped inside, taking a deep breath as she was once again alone and tucked quietly away from the bustle of people. Calm worked its way through her body as serenity found her. She dropped her shoes to the ground and moved forward towards the large cage on her left. Metal with intricate designs in red and gold. She ran her fingers slowly across the bars in a coaxing manner.

"Stella.." she whispered.

The large white tiger appeared slowly from the shadows, stealthy and strong. She smiled, wiggling her fingers teasingly, and gasping softly as the cat grazed across her fingers. A current racing through her body at the beauty before her. She brushed her hand across the top of her head, then pulled away, allowing her to once again fall lazily back to the straw.

She continued her slow trek to a small stall in the corner. A soft nicker reaching her ears as she threw open the gate. She stepped inside closing it carefully behind her.

"Hi baby." She soothed.

Standing before her was her talent. The blackest of stallions with mere hints of auburn. When the light hit him just right he resembled smoldering embers. That made his name an easy choice and it played well off of her own name. They were a team after all. She ran her hands slowly up his nose, velvet beneath her fingers as she traced down his neck and back. She stopped beside his ribs, watching the rise and fall of his chest.

Stella's growl alerted her of company and she soon felt eyes on her back. She turned, eyes falling lightly on Max, one of the other animal trainers. Well, not trainer so much as stable boy.

"Almost ready for you, Emily. It's intermission so you've got 20 minutes." he said sweetly.

He was innocent enough, only a year or two younger than her. Blonde hair blue eyes, your typical boyish good manners. He had followed her around like a puppy for the last six weeks. That's how long he had worked here. He would perk up every time she entered the commons car on the train and stand awkwardly from his seat until she sat down.

"Thanks." She replied. She twisted her fingers lightly into the stallion's mane, leading him out of the stall.

"Ummm, aren't you going to bridle him?" He asked.

She sighed impatiently. While he was endearing, he was also completely oblivious to everything she did even though he spent much of his time watching her.

"Have you ever seen me bridle him?" She asked. "Right, you're new here." The annoyance in her voice grew thicker. "Listen, I don't bridle him, I don't use the girth and..." She trailed off as her eyes guided down his arm to the object in his hand. The leather of the whip studded with tiny sharp tacks. "...you can tell Jack that if he doesn't stop insisting on the use of that torture device I'll have the clowns string him up and use it on him." She smiled sweetly and led the horse to the curtain, leaving the poor boy gawking after her. She stopped to pick up her heels off of the ground where she had dropped them, but they weren't there anymore.

"That wasn't nice." A familiar voice said, moving from the shadow of the curtain beside her.

She rolled her eyes turning towards the voice. Her eyes falling on chocolate eyes and a very amused smile. The red crushed velvet jacket that she wore, with a white ruffled shirt. The way she flipped her top hat carelessly in her hand. The other hand clung lightly to her black heals. Those chocolate eyes flickered quickly to Max who still stood awkwardly nearby. She heard the swift movement of his footsteps as he disappeared quickly through another curtain.

"He likes you." Paige smiled. Emily sighed impatiently again. She didn't have time for small talk.

"Yea, well I'm already seeing someone so..." Her heart fluttered at the thought of that person, but she hid it away. She clicked her tongue for the horse to move and edged around Paige through the curtain.

"Awe give him a break, he's new." She teased. "He doesn't know how you work yet, he just knows what Jack has taught him." Emily stopped again to face her.

"Well, you're ring master so why don't you take it upon yourself to teach him how I work?" Paige just smiled, putting her top hat back on over her long auburn waves.

"Nah, I think I'll enjoy myself more if I continue to watch you teach him." Emily nodded stubbornly and turned again. "So you won't be needing these either?" She asked after her, dangling the black heels from her finger.

She would need those for afterwards, but she never rode in them. The heels were too pointed and she was always afraid of hurting the horse. She grabbed them quickly from her hands, her fingers brushing lightly against Paige's. Her cheeks flushed lightly.

"Help me up?" She asked. Paige shook her head firmly.

"No, You're seeing someone, so you should probably asked them to help you." Paige grabbed a stool on the ground beside her and dropped it at her feet. Then smiled teasingly and disappeared through the heavy curtain. She smiled to herself as her breath returned to her lungs. She stepped onto the stool and swung her leg over the stallion's bare back, positioning the dark blue feathered gauze around her hips. It did little to cover her body, but that was the point. She leaned forward flat against his back, running one hand through his black hair, twisting them carefully into his mane again, clutching her heels in her other hand.

"You ready?" She whispered.

The boom of Paige's voice over the microphone erupted cheers from the crowd. She clicked her tongue, nudging her heel into the horse's side. Circus hands pulled the curtain back as the horse moved gracefully beneath her. She pulled on his mane bringing him to a stop behind a white chalk line. She dropped her heels down.

The dirt on the ground under his hooves was packed hard and sprinkled with tiny bits of straw. The arena was large. Red and white striped velvet draped high above. The same twinkling lights dancing wildly through the air. The dirt track lined the stands in a large oval around the three rings. Various jumps and obstacles littered her path, ending with a giant metal ring. Well, not giant. In comparison to the horse and if done properly...it would only allow maybe 12 inches on each side for error. Not a large margin.

He stamped his foot impatiently as she looked to Paige, and noticed that Paige was looking at her the same way. Breathlessly. She swallowed hard. As the music started up in a deep hum the main lights shut down, leaving only a slight flicker from the strings above. They looked like stars now. People in the audience gasped at the darkness, but she kept her eyes ahead, soothing the horse with her hands. Then it started.

Flames erupted from the edges of the track, shooting up like barriers. Fire bursting from the jumps and engulfing the ring. No margin for error. It made sense why the other trainers were so uneasy about her choice to not use a saddle or bridle. Even the cloth girth would give her something to hold on to. But what fun was that? She caught Paige's eye for a moment in the burning light. She wasn't worried, she was stunned.

She kicked her heel into the horse and he darted full speed ahead. The wind blowing her dark curls away from her face. She loved this feeling, the excitement and freedom. The strength of the majestic animal carrying her body.

He cleared the first jump as she relaxed, finding her niche quickly and releasing her holding on his mane. she arched her back slightly, bringing her hands up into her hair and clenching her thighs for balance. Such a hard job this was. Striking poses on the back of a horse. Heaven. She squeezed her legs tighter as he made the second jump, the fire licking closely to her skin. The heat set her off, adrenaline coursing through her.

She had done this a million times but it never got old. He picked up his speed halfway through, sending the blue gauze blowing back off of her thighs. She leaned in slowly against his neck, resting her head in his hair and allowing her arm to fall gently down his shoulder. Letting her eyes fall closed for a moment in the most peaceful pose. The last obstacle before the ring. She counted slowly in her head as he cleared the jump with ease. One, she opened her eyes. Two, she whispered in his ear.

"Go." He kicked faster.

"Three, she pushed up from his back focusing her eyes on the burning ring in front of her. Four, she brought her arms straight over her head locking her hands together. No margin for error. The beating of his hooves hitting the ground disappeared.

Five, she leaned her body backwards, her back flat against his, trailing her fingers gracefully down over her hair, her breasts, her stomach. She clenched her thighs, feeling the lack of ground beneath his body as he moved through the air. She stared in wonder as the flames enclosed around her body. The heat passing through her bones just inches from her skin. Her breath catching in that moment as time slowed. She could make out the hints of blue in the fire, almost purple. Applause rang out through the arena.

Her body arched forward in his decent back to the ground, gravity pushing her back into an upright position and her arms raising once again over her head as he slowed to a steady trot, carrying her automatically to the center ring as the lights flickered back on. He bent his front legs kneeling to the ground and allowing her to slide easily from his back.

She reached her fingers gently into his mane and bowed beside him as the cheers continued, then clicked her tongue, guiding him back to his feet.

As the music started again Paige stepped into the ring a few feet away. Her cheeks flushed as she led the horse out. She couldn't look her in the eyes but she could feel Paige's eyes burning into her back as she bent down to pick up her heels and pushed through the curtain. She released his mane, allowing him to follow easily behind her.

The other trainers were messing with the cats now, leading them from the cages by thin ropes. Stella roared, snapping Emily's eyes towards the sound. Jack, a large burly man stood before her, tugging hard on the rope. The large white tiger locked her legs, resisting him with little effort on her part. Emily's eyes landed on the studded whip in his hands as he brought it over his head.

"Go" she commanded, sending the horse trotting towards his stable. The many benefits of having worked together for three years. He didn't need to be around the cats while they were out. Just in case

She dropped her heels to the ground, slipping her feet inside. She was a lady after all and there was a reason she didn't use these shoes while riding. Then she walked to the man with the whip as he was rearing to bring it down, taking the spike of her heel and slamming it into the back of his knee. He buckled before her, crashing to the ground.

Anger burned through her when she saw the crimson against Stella's white fur. She bent gracefully, snatching the whip from his hand and pulling it back over her head, not even giving him the chance to pull himself from the ground.

"Emily." A voice called.

She turned to see stable boy standing shocked behind her. He looked terrified. She tossed the whip at his feet.

"This is why we don't use this piece of shit! Do you get it now?...And for fuck's sake, I'm seeing somebody!" She didn't wait for a response before walking toward the stable, she didn't need one. The look in his eyes told her that he understood perfectly. Yup, a lady indeed.

"Good job tonight" she whispered, dumping feed into the dish and locking the gate behind her. The crowd roared as she walked to through the maze of curtains. Only half surprised when the men didn't whistle as she passed. She had just kicked a man four times her size to the ground. Something told her a certain person in a top hat would have a few choice words for her.

She sat on the white couch in her curtained space, listening for a long time as the music died and the crowd faded away. The bustle of the performers slowly disappearing from the tent. The lights shut down leaving only the strands of white lights sparkling high above, tiny specks against the darkest of red. She stood slowly, inching her way towards the curtain and looking out. A few workers filtered out the back curtain, laughing and tipping their flasks. Then silence engulfed her.

She released the air from her lungs, relaxing and slipping out into the darkness. A breeze passed through the curtains, warm from the summer night and thick with the scent of sugar. she walked through the maze once more, playing a game with herself as she slipped between various streams of colored fabric. The way a child would slip between sheets on a clothes line. Lightly dragging her fingers through the silk and satin. Textures of suede and lace. Deep purples and blues to gold and emerald. This was the time of night where she found peace and solitude. A time when the world around her was still.

She reached down, tugging at the strap of her heels.

"Awwe, I like those." A voice whispered behind her.

She stilled her fingers, dragging her hand lightly back up her leg as she straightened herself. She held her breath keeping her back to Paige. In the faint light she could easily slip away and become lost in the curtains.

"Just say it." She whispered back. A hint of edge lining her words. She turned to face her now. Easily making out the crushed red velvet and those chocolate eyes. Paige smiled at her.

"Well...if you think you scared the new kid with that stunt you're probably wrong." She laughed. "I think you made him want you more." Emily sighed impatiently.

"Well, I told him.."

"That you're seeing somebody? Yea, I know. Like you keep telling me, right?" Her face lost the smile as she inched forward.

Emily stepped back, ready to disappear into the streams of fabric, but Paige grabbed her wrist hard, holding it tight. Her breath caught painfully in her throat. Paige leaned in close to her ear, her hot breath brushing across her neck as she whispered.

"But, since I _am_ that 'somebody'...I have to say I'm very jealous of that fucking horse."

Emily smiled as their little game crashed to the ground in pieces.

"You couldn't have helped me up?" she asked. Paige's mouth fell open in protest.

"I gave you the stool!" she laughed.

Her hands slid instantly to Paige's neck, brushing her fingers across her skin and pushing her waves off of her shoulder. Paige moved, pulling her hat from her head and placing it on Emily's. The scent of her hair filling her nose as she smiled. She tipped it up to look at Paige. The twinkle in her chocolate eyes brighter than the ones above.

Then her hands were there, flipping it off her head and letting it fall to the ground. Paige ran her hand down the back of her corset. Her breath increasing as she pressed firmly into the small of her back, pulling her closer.

Her heart beat faster. Every time Paige touched her it was impossible to form a single coherent thought. All she could do was stand in awe of the beauty that stood before her. It was how they worked. Teasing one another and carefully keeping their distance until these moments alone. It was exhilarating and tense and it only made these moments that much more tender. She smiled softly to herself as Paige's words finally sank in.

"Are you really jealous of my horse?" She asked. Paige groaned deeply, running her fingers slowly down to the edge of the blue gauze against her thigh.

"It doesn't help that you don't use a saddle." She breathed, slipping her fingers lightly under the thin material, resting her hand just below her ass. "I'm gonna have to sit down with him and talk this out. We need boundaries." Her face serious. Emily laughed, shoving Paige in the shoulder.

"If it was a female horse, then you could worry."

Paige smiled softly, but it faded quickly as she lifted both hands to her face, cupping it gently. Suddenly the fire she had felt licking her skin was nothing compared to the burning of Paige's fingertips into her flesh. The peace she found while riding was nothing next to the peace in her eyes.

Paige moved slowly, pressing her lips to the corner of her mouth, then her jaw. She made the next move that Emily knew all too well... She pressed her hands firmly against Paige's stomach, slipping from her grasp and disappearing quickly behind a stream of purple silk. She moved quietly through the maze, ducking between the gold and emerald before she stopped to listen. No sound of footsteps behind her.

Her heart pounded as the silence made her uneasy, her breathing increased until she was sure Paige could hear her no matter how far away she was. She turned in the dark pushing her body to move carefully around the many props that lay carelessly around. Her leg caught on something in the dark sending her falling to ground.

Arms wrapping tightly around her waist before she hit. Paige's arms, always there to catch her. She guiding her down onto a pile of soft colors that lay stacked carefully. The movement of their bodies crashing down sent the fabric unraveling around them. She felt the satin against her back and the velvet of Paige's jacket on top of her as Paige brought her lips down to hers.

She gasped into her mouth as she parted her lips, seeking the heat of her tongue. Paige pushed eagerly inside. The moment of being soft was gone. Replaced by a passion and flame that ignited her body. She reached to her neck, using it as leverage to pull her closer, wrapping her fingers into her auburn waves. Paige moaned as she tightened her grip. Pulling her neck back to give her access to the sensitive flesh that waited there and thus breaking their lips apart. Emily nipped lightly below her jaw, working her way down as Paige panted above her. Relishing the way her hot breath was caressing her face.

Paige moved then, sliding her hand down her hand down her sides to her thighs. She reached under the blue gauze, gripping tightly to crease of her hip. Emily released her hair and made quick work of the gold buttons on her jacket, stripping it quickly from her shoulders. Paige was being very careful to remain a teasingly safe distance, playing with the skin on her inner thigh. Emily pulled the top buttons of the ruffled white shirt with a swift movement. Revealing her chest just enough to see that there were no more layers underneath. She moaned in frustration, grabbing Paige's hand and forcing it to the pulse between her legs.

Paige used her free hand to stop her, clinging tightly to her wrist and holding it firmly over her head. Then she went back to work. Pulling at the thin strings that ran the length of her sides, releasing the corset from around her breasts. The string completely un-threading as she ripped it from her body. Paige's lips found her tender flesh quickly, sucking her nipple into her mouth in one fluid movement. She arched her back, pressing herself closer.

The air cooled her wet skin as Paige broke away, releasing her wrist then and allowing it to continue to roam. Emily tugged gently at the hem of her shirt, willing it to burn before her eyes. Their lips found each other again with a tender heat, breaking apart only to pull the white ruffle over her head. The sweetness of Paige spreading across her lips as she latched on to her tongue, suckling it softly into her mouth, and then harder until she moaned from the dizzying sensation. This was too much, and not near enough.

"Paige..." She breathed between her lips. "Paige, touch me."

A gutteral moan escaped Paige's throat as she snaked her arm down, pulling Emily's legs up and wrapping them tightly behind her back. She clenched her thighs around her, locking her body in place as Paige shifted her hand down beneath the gauze. In one swift movement she pulled her panties aside, gasping at the moisture she found waiting for her. Emily cried against her lips as her folds were explored by her fingers. Paige's hair fell in curtains around her face, intoxicating her with her scent.

"Oh, God" Paige whispered. Her hand trembled against her flesh as she ran her fingers up and down her slit. "Em, fuck...you're so.." she slammed her eyes shut as she struggled to stay in control of her own body. Emily wanted to make that as difficult as possible...she wanted to see her eyes burning into her from desire.

She moved her hand down to Paige's breast, rolling her nipple lightly in her fingers and then harder. Her eyes shot open now, and even in the faint light she could see her so clearly. A fever and determination that was unwavering. She slipped her fingers into Emily's center, forcing the air from her lungs in a sharp cry that started a tremor deep within her. Paige found the bundle of nerves beneath her thumb, pressing firmly into it as she fell easily into steady strokes. Emily cried out again. Her hand reaching out beside her and clutching at the velvet under her body. Paige watched her carefully, mesmerized by beauty of her movements as she arched back off the ground.

She brought her head up, leaning deeply into Paige's chest as a familiar tightening formed in her stomach. Paige pressed her lips to her hair, breathing her in before slipping away. She pushed Emily back down, sliding herself down her length as she heard Emily cry and begin to tighten around her fingers. She pulled her hand away, bringing the heat of her mouth down on her instead. Forming a closed seal with her lips as she flicked her tongue.

"Oh, fuck" she screamed, locking her legs tightly around Paige and arching off the ground as the waves crashed through her body.

Her legs unlocked as she fell weakly back to the ground. Paige began tracing soft kissing across her hips, her skin hot and damp as she worked her way up her stomach and breasts until she planted a sound kiss to her lips.

She slid her fingers down, tugging roughly at the button of her black pants and slipping her hand inside. Learning a thing or two about her obvious distaste for under garments. Paige clenched her jaw, shuddering at the straight contact against her flesh and the hunger in Emily's eyes. The excitement nearly dripping from her body.

Emily held her breath for a moment as she stared at her towering above her. Her breasts moving with each rise and fall of her lungs...the way her long hair fell over her shoulders. Just watching the way each stroke sent a light through Paige's eyes, or a visible tremble through her veins. She pulled her hand away, tugging gently on her pants and easing them down. Paige squirmed against her, kicking them from legs and straddling her hips.

She bit her lower lip as she wrapped her arms around the backs of her thighs. Locking her in place and sliding her body lower beneath her...until her mouth was resting just inches from Paige's arousal. She could smell her sweet scent and it sent jolts of lust to her taste buds, making her mouth water. She kept her eyes on Paige. The breaths leaving her lips quicken as she inched closer, until they stopped all together. Her fingers twisted lightly into Emily's hair, beginning gentle strokes.

Emily licked lightly across her wet flesh, feeling the goosebumps rise across the backs of her legs. She tightened her grip then, pulling Paige down and crashing her lips between her folds. Surprising herself when she heard her own moan leave her mouth. Paige cried out, tightening her fingers into her hair. She began a harsh assault on her clit, working her tongue across her in quick circles before latching on and forming a suction. Paige was already shaking on top of her, arching her body back and opening herself up more. Her body panting so heavily that her hips began rocking in sync with her strokes.

She started a quick pulse between her lips, a strong fluttering with her tongue until the shaking in Paige's body told her how close she was. She released her, slipping quickly from under her, pulling herself up and kneeling before her instead. Each of them mirroring the other. Paige draped her arms lightly across her shoulder as their foreheads fell together, mixing the beads of sweat that coated their skin. She slid her hand back down Paige's stomach, quickly continuing the fast strokes that she had made with her tongue.

"Em!" She cried digging her nails into the back of her neck. Her thighs twitched around Emily's hand as she drew closer again, quickly regaining the ground she had lost until her body shuddered and sunk forward into her chest. She pulled Paige on top of her, cradling her in her arms as her body rocked through her orgasm. She ran her fingers down her back, reaching beside her to pull the velvet over her damp skin. Paige pressed her lip to Emily's, biting her bottom lip softly.

She loved the teasingly playful days with Paige, and the warm nights spent beneath the curtains of every color. She closed her eyes, letting the twinkling lights disappear. All she would ever need... lay sleeping in her arms.

* * *

**"Circus" Britney Spears (I do not own these lyrics) *I'm sorry I HAD to use this song.* lol**

There's only two types of people in the world

The ones that entertain, and the ones that observe

Well baby I'm a put-on-a-show kinda girl

Don't like the backseat, gotta be first

I'm like the ringleader I call the shots

I'm like a firecracker I make it hot

When I put on a show

I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins

Spotlight on me and I'm ready to break

I'm like a performer, the dancefloor is my stage

Better be ready, hope that ya feel the same

All the eyes on me in the center of the ring Just like a circus

When I crack that whip, everybody gonna trip Just like a circus

Don't stand there watching me, follow me

Show me what you can do

Everybody let go, we can make a dancefloor

Just like a circus

There's only two types of guys out there,

Ones that can hang with me, and ones that are scared

So baby I hope that you came prepared

I run a tight ship, so beware

I'm like a ring leader, I call the shots.

I'm like a fire cracker, I make it hot

when I put on a show.

I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins

Spotlight on me and I'm ready to break

I'm like a performer, the dancefloor is my stage

Better be ready, hope that ya feel the same

All the eyes on me in the center of the ring Just like a circus

When I crack that whip, everybody gonna trip Just like a circus

Don't stand there watching me, follow me

Show me what you can do

Everybody let go, we can make a dancefloor

Just like a circus

* * *

**"I Won't Give Up" Jason Mraz (I do not own these lyrics)**

When I look into your eyes

It's like watching the night sky

Or a beautiful sunrise

There's so much they hold

And just like them old stars

I see that you've come so far

To be right where you are

How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space

To do some navigating

I'll be here patiently waiting

To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn

Some even fall to the earth

We've got a lot to learn

God knows we're worth it

No: I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily

I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make

Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use T

he tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake

And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend

For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn

We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in

I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am

I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up, still looking up.  
I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)

God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)

We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)

God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up


	13. Chapter 13

_**Finally Chapter 13 and the unofficial end to Blue Lace! This is hard! Thank you to everyone that has followed the story. Thank you for all the amazing reviews and messages that I received telling me how this story touched you. You are all amazing and truly the only reason I continued this. Blue Lace was originally only meant to be a one time thing. Only Chapter one. I found quickly that I couldn't just put it down and back away slowly. The story unfolded one sentence at a time and completely caught me off guard. For everyone that has enjoyed this and the previous circus dream chapter be on the look out for the spin-off "Red Velvet" My next project that once again was meant as a one time thing and we all know how that goes...I'm talking New Place, New Time, and an entirely New Paily Story! A BIG shout out to Lainierb for being my first follower/reviewer and for sticking with me through all of my rants and breakdowns! ** _

* * *

Something woke her abruptly, ripping her from her dreams and replacing them with an uneasy feeling. Like those nights when you wake up suddenly from a noise that you're sure only you heard. But no matter how hard you try you can't place it because that noise was just a fabrication of your mind. A desperate cry through your dreams that were laced in warm sugar just moments ago.

She sat up slightly, looking around her bedroom. The alarm clock reading just after three in the morning. Everything around her was dark and quiet. Nothing but the faint stream of light through the window and the shallow breaths of Paige laying beside her. She studied her face in the darkness for a moment before she saw it. The slight tremble of her chin and the moisture down her cheek as she cried in her sleep. She reached her hand tentatively wiping the tears away and brushing her hair away from her face. Her heart ached for the sadness she found there. She relaxed back to her pillow, pulling Paige into her arms and holding her tightly to her chest.

* * *

_"I would never rat out a teammate because my feelings were hurt. I take care of things myself."_

_She turned quickly and pushed out the doors. The ache in her chest threatening to bring her crashing down but the anger towards herself pushed her on. She had just hurt the person that she cares for the most, the person that scares her the most because she embodies everything that she hates inside of herself. Nothing about that was right and nothing about that was anybody's fault but her own. Certainly not Emily's fault. She would take care of things herself. _

_Her eyes flickered quickly to the pool as she reached her house. She didn't want to see Emily this time, she didn't deserve to see her. She deserved to feel everything she had just inflicted on her. She wanted the burn in her lungs that she had caused Emily. She wanted the fear she must have felt. The only difference she wanted was to be denied the resurface, because Emily had had no way of knowing if she would get that. So she grabbed an old rope from the shed and made her way to the pool knotting it intricately around her wrist and peering down at the grate of the old drain on the bottom. _

_It was ironic that no matter how hard she tried...the last image in her mind as she tightened the last knot ..was Emily's smile._

* * *

She held Paige close as she began to stir against her chest, combing her fingers into her hair, still braided in a messy bun. A few moments passed before she felt Paige slide her hand around her waist, returning her embrace. She looked at her face in the darkness, seeing the tear clinging to her cheek as her eyes fluttered open. Emily wiped it away carefully, half expecting her to flinch due to the mixture of emotions she was emitting. But even the sadness did nothing to hide the tenderness in her chocolate eyes.

Emily brushed away a piece of her hair that had fallen across her face and let them linger over one of the small braids. She could feel Paige just watching her in the darkness. Her breath increasing slightly as she reached around to pull gently on the tie in her hair. Her limbs felt tired and heavy, weighed down by sleep just moments ago. Everything wrapped snugly in a warm haze.

The soft tug sent Paige's hair falling down over her back and she began slowly working her fingers through her waves, breaking up the braids as she went. Paige tightened her grip around her waist as she sighed and let her eyes fall closed. She leaned in, pressing a kiss to the corner of her mouth the way Paige always did to her. As she moved to her jaw she felt Paige slide her hand to the small of her back, teasing with the hem of her McCullers shirt and pulling the air from her lungs with her fingertips. Emily reached her neck, tracing light kisses to her ear.

"I missed you." She whispered.

Paige tightened her grip around her back in response, restricting her movements. Then she pulled again at the hem of her shirt, dragging the thin blue cotton up her back.

"I don't want to take it off." Emily whispered, pulling back to look at her. Letting Paige search her eyes for the meaning this time and hoping she found it quickly. She did.

Paige pushed herself up in bed resting on her knees as she studied her face, her breath becoming ragged. She moved up to join her, inching closer on to her knees and watching her eyes flicker across the shirt. Yes, Paige understood her and why she didn't want to take it off. It was her name on her body. Her breath hitched as Paige grabbed hard over the printed name on her back. The way she twisted her fingers into the thin cotton, pressing it harder into her skin and willing the letters to burn into her flesh. She could tell Paige didn't want to take it off of her either. Her hands clasped around Paige's sides and lifted her blue shirt over her head, letting her fingers drag slowly across her skin. She traced her fingers up her bare sides, letting her eyes fall over her chest and the pale blue lace that clung tightly to her skin. She smiled, looking back into her eyes.

"I missed you too." Paige whispered.

Her heart beat again. She couldn't pinpoint when it had stopped exactly or for which reason. There seemed to have been so many in the last four days. The first time Paige had really touched her, her heart stopped. When she heard her laugh and cry, it had stopped. The day Paige left her standing alone in her backyard, it had shattered to the ground. But she hadn't noticed when it had started again, because it hadn't yet. Part of her afraid of waking up to Paige being gone all over again. But it beat now because Paige was wearing part of her too.

She leaned in softly to kiss her neck but Paige caught her face in her hands quickly, using her thumb to wipe a tear that had betrayed her completely. Then she leaned in to kiss her soundly. There was no stopping the tears once she had tasted her, home safely on her lips. Her breath grazing against her tongue as they moved slowly and deeply against each other. She could feel Paige's tears mixing with her own as a new realization took hold. They could say it with their eyes all day and they could say it with words...but in that moment their movements were the whole embodiment of 'don't leave me'. Each of them begging the other to stay. Through brushed skin and soft moans they said everything.

She moved her hand around to the clasp of the delicate lace giving a swift flick of her wrist and sending it falling down from her shoulders. Paige moved her hand down and grabbed tightly to her thigh, flipping her down onto her back and falling on top of her. She broke away from her lips and began working her way down her neck nipping and sucking as she moved. She didn't hesitate as her lips ran into the blue cotton. Instead she continued her kisses, mixing them carefully with the light scraping of her teeth. She felt the trembling begin through her body as Paige bit harder on her breast. The sensation of her hot breath seeping through the fabric and spreading across her skin. She twisted her fingers lightly into her hair, pulling Paige back to her mouth, and using her free hand to tug at the string of her white shorts, sliding them down over her hips. Paige pulled them off completely then stopped for a moment, just enough to read her eyes. The Passion and pain mirroring her own. The pain at being away from each other. The pain at missing any amount of time no matter how long or short it may have been. The Passion fed off of that pain, fueling it and driving them closer. She needed to make Emily forget that pain. She needed to rip it from her mind and replace it with the truth that she was never leaving her again.

Paige reached down, grasping around her cotton panties and pulling them off in one swift movement. She settled herself between her thighs, and wrapped Emily's legs behind her back, locking herself in place. Something about this position made Emily smile and brought the feeling of velvet beneath her hands. Something faint yet lingering. Paige watched her as she slipped her hand down, pressing slowly into her heat. Beginning soft movements and gasping at the arousal that coated her fingers.

She bit her lip as her eyes slammed shut, focusing only on feeling Paige's gentle strokes and the pure bliss it evoked in her blood. A quiver formed in her stomach as Paige brought their lips together to still the trembling that emitted from both of their bodies.

* * *

Looking down at Emily beneath her, wanting her and knowing that she was wanted in return, made the whole world disappear. Made her nightmares disappear from her mind, quite possibly for good. The vulnerability as she arched her back, pushing her hips eagerly to meet her fingers.

She could watch this moment forever and memorize every sigh leaving her lips. The thought of ever hurting her was unimaginable and that's what leaving had done. It had left them both broken and vulnerable to an onslaught of fear and doubt. All of those things were fine and normal when she was referring to herself, but not to Emily. She would gladly stop breathing if it meant erasing that pain from Emily's body and ensuring she never felt it again. Knowing that she was responsible for most of it was the worst feeling of all. Emily touched her cheek lightly, bringing her out of her thoughts.

She moved her fingers faster between her folds as Emily bucked her hips up to meet her. Catching her eye for just a moment before thrusting her fingers inside of her. A need rooted deep in her mind to do everything she could to heal Emily. A need to make her feel anything but pain. The moan that escaped her mouth told her that she was on the right track. She brought her lips down on hers again, trying to silence the tremble that kept reappearing. Emily somehow managed to snake her hand down, pressing just as firmly into the moisture between her thighs. She faltered slightly from being caught of guard, her body falling into her chest as Emily explored her, circling the pads of her fingers over her bundle of nerves. She buried her face into Emily's neck as she slammed her fingers into Emily harder, curling them with every stroke. She had to make the pain disappear from her body. She had to keep it at from coming back. She pressed heavily into Emily's hand as she felt her tighten her legs behind her back. She trembled and jerked under her body, as a soft cry escaped her lips.

"Paige, please." She whispered.

She lifted her head from her neck to look at her and to let her know that she was safe. The moment she watched her eyes soften and melt... Paige pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth, sending Emily over the edge and a series of whimpers from her lips. The rocking of Emily's hips as she rode through her orgasm added the perfect mixture of pressure and friction between her thighs.

"Paige." She whispered, her voice pleading and slightly shocked.

She quickly realized she hadn't stopped moving her fingers against Emily's sensitive flesh. She went to stop...to pull her hand away in fear that her touch had become uncomfortable. To apologize for being so wrapped up that she had kept pushing on. But Emily whispered her name again, and then again as she moved back to the edge. And that thought started a tingling down her own legs.

Emily pushed inside of her, shoving the air from her lungs in one quick movement. She gasped, choking on the air as it was ripped from her chest. She quickened her hand again as she felt her body contract around Emily's fingers. Release in its truest form. Burying her face in Emily's neck to stifle the scream. Emily dragged her fingers away weakly, tightening her thighs and lifting her back off of the bed as the waves crashed through her again. Part of her wanted to continue the assault on Emily's body, to push to the extremes and really be sure that the pain was the furthest thing from her mind, but she retreated slowly. The heaving of Emily's chest told her to stop. She pushed up to see the tears falling from her face and hear the hysteria escaping her mouth as she panted... A soft high-pitched whimper leaving her throat. Paige panicked, grabbing onto her trembling hand and attempting to still her.

"Em?" She soothed, running her fingers through her hair and pulling her up off her back and into her arms. She cradled her carefully in her lap, waiting for Emily's body to relax. Time passed slowly as the sky turned from black to a purple, with hints of pink through the trees.

"Em...I'm sorry." She whispered. Emily smiled up at her lazily.

"Of all the things you could be sorry for, that's not one of them." She assured. Paige smiled, shaking her head at what Emily was referring to.

"Yeah...of all the things." She mumbled, looking away from her face. She felt Emily studying her face, so she carefully shaped her emotions to portray what she wanted. She wrapped her arms around her tightly, laying down beside her and pulling the quilt over their heads. Falling asleep as they traced their hands over each others body.

* * *

She woke up to the feeling of Emily kissing her way down her stomach. The quilt was still pulled over their heads but it let just enough light through to see what Emily was doing. She looked down at her dark waves that lay sprawled across her hips as the heat of Emily's tongue touched down on her. She gasped loudly as Emily licked, sucking softly through her folds, moving lower and pushing deeper.

"Oh, shit Em." She moaned, twisting her fingers into her hair. The words left her mouth a little louder than she had meant for them to but oh well. Emily pulled her lips away for a moment to whisper.

"Good morning..." She purred, sinking herself between her thighs again and eliciting another soft moan.

"Good morning!" A voice called cheerfully. They both froze. That hadn't come from either of them.

A knock sounded on the door, making them both jump. She threw her body quickly from the bed and ripped the covers from Emily's body, wrapping them around herself. Emily looked just as startled, and also betrayed by the fact that she had just been thrown under the bus...so to speak.

"hey!" She snapped in disbelief.

"What? It's your mom! She's seen you naked." She clutched the quilt tightly to her chest, unwilling to surrender it.

"Not since I was five!" Emily jumped grabbing at the sheets. The knock sounded again.

"Fuck!" Paige mumbled, looking around for her clothes. Then her mom's voice sounded again through the door.

"Paige, honey...please watch your mouth." She said sweetly.

Paige choked hard on a cough, looking shocked at Emily. She had mumbled that much softer than the rest, which meant Emily's mom had heard.._everything._

"Sorry Mrs. Fields." Her voice cracked as she looked wide-eyed at Emily

"I'm running out to the store, I'll be back soon." Her voice was slightly amused.

"Okay, mom." Emily said weakly.

They listened as the footsteps faded down the stairs before they breathed again. Emily relaxed on the edge of the bed with the white sheet tangled around her body. Caramel skin and raven hair against the brightest of white. Beautiful.

"What?" She asked as she noticed the smile tugging at the corners of Paige's lips.

"Nothing...just" Her smile widened. "your mouth was just on my vagina and she's telling me to watch mine?! Biased much?"

Emily busted into laughter as she grabbed a pillow and tossed it at her. Paige caught it and dashed back over to her, planting a kiss on her lips.

"Now...clothes." Paige said, pulling away again. She reached for her blue t-shirt, forsaking the lace bra on the floor sadly, as she pulled it over her head. Emily appeared quickly at her side and grabbed her bare hips.

"Do you really want me to watch my mouth?" She whispered. She shook her head fervently.

"No...no I do not." She replied. Emily smiled and kissed her soundly then walked to her closet.

"Do you have clothes?" She asked sliding into a pair of jeans.

"Um, yea kinda..I have some shorts in my gym bag." They hadn't gone back to the hotel to get her suitcase when leaving Scranton, but she had a clean set. Before she reached her duffel a bundle of denim hit her in the back. She smiled bending down to pick the jeans off of the floor.

"Can you turn around when you bend down like that?" Emily asked. "I'd have a better few from behind."

She smiled mischievously as she slipped her legs slowly inside without underwear. Emily sighed softly as she watched her pull the fabric tight over her skin.

"I want those back." She pointed."unwashed."

Paige chuckled softly, grabbing her jacket and pulling it over her shoulders.

* * *

It was one thing watching Paige stand wrapped in lavender as the sunshine poured through the window behind her. That was innocent and beautiful. But this? Watching her slide naked into a pair of her jeans...was the sexiest thing she had ever seen.

She turned back to the closet and shifted through the hangers, settling on a black long sleeve shirt. Her fingers brushed lightly over crushed velvet, clasping around it and pulling a soft scarf of the deepest red from the closet. She smiled seeing it and couldn't pinpoint why it screamed Paige's name.

Turning back to Paige she dangled it teasingly from her fingers. Paige shook her head automatically.

"I'm not wearing that." She said.

"Awwe, why?"

"It looks like it was made from a Christmas dress nightmare. You couldn't pay me enough to wear red velvet. Sorry but its tacky." Paige smiled and turned back to her duffel bag.

She inched her way towards her, stopping behind her back and slipping the scarf softly around her neck, then dragged it down and off. Just letting the velvet brush across her skin. Paige shuddered at the sensation, turning around to face her with a sly smile.

"Okay maybe it will grow on me." She sighed.

"Now who's easy, McCullers?" She teased.

She reached up, wrapping it around Paige's neck again, then fanned out her auburn waves across her shoulders. Her hair against the deep red was breathtaking and started a familiar fire deep in her veins.

She frowned as Paige pulled her bag over her shoulder. The panic setting in at the thought of her leaving. Paige mirrored her pain but quickly pressed their lips together to stifle it, breathing her in deeply as she licked her lower lip.

Emily broke away quickly, reigning herself in and hiding the pain she felt. It seemed to hurt Paige, so she smiled softly to reassure her.

"I don't know what time my folks will be home but I should probably be there just in case."

She nodded and turned back to her room to straighten up, wanting to keep her emotions to herself. Paige caught her by the wrist and pulled her close again, leaving just inches between their lips.

"Can I stop by later?" Paige asked. Her eyes softened as a smile worked its way across her lips. Happy that she wouldn't have to wait long.

"Yeah, of course." She beamed. Paige leaned in and kissed the corner of her mouth. There was always a chivalrous feeling to the way she did that. Like she wanted to kiss her just close enough, keeping it tender and sweet but with the intensity of letting Emily know that the passion was burning through.

She slipped away and out the door, leaving Emily alone in her room. Quickly she found herself pulling her room back together in a daze. Going through the motions but not really feeling them. Something festering under her skin and sitting uneasily in her stomach. Some sort of terrifying imbalance that she couldn't place, or didn't _want_ to place. She picked the lace off of the floor and held it in her hand. Then spread the lavender quilt back over her bed and threw herself down, the scent of Orange and vanilla drifting from the fabric between her fingers. A crawling sensation formed beneath her skin as she replayed the morning in her mind. Trying to pinpoint where the feeling was coming from, and the helplessness that it brought.

* * *

She reached her house quickly, dropping her keys on the counter. The house was quiet and still. No cars in the driveway because her folks hadn't yet made it home. It was just after noon now so they could still be hours. The answering machine beeped on the buffet table behind her, signaling a message.

"Paige, there's a storm coming into Scranton. They've already begun closing highways so we are going to be here another night. Call us when you get this, your cell and the house phones are in our nightstand drawer."

She headed upstairs to her parents bedroom quickly, finding a nightstand drawer containing her cellphone and three house phones. There used to be four, but that's why they had been hidden, obviously. She picked up one of the phones to call her parents back. Assuring them that she would be fine.

When she hung up she grabbed her cell phone. The battery was dead but she thought of the blinking LED light that she had seen Saturday night. The charger was still attached to her bedroom wall and as she plugged it she began to pace, waiting impatiently for it to turn on. When it finally did the notifications appeared.

****is everything okay? Call me. I miss you already. 3 Em****

She set the phone down quickly after she had read the message too many times to count. She could imagine the pain in Emily's mind as she had typed those words and she could imagine it clearly because she had seen that pain in her this morning. Even though she had done her best to rip it from her body, to replace it with anything else...it was still there. In the flicker of her eyes as she wrapped the scarf around her neck. The pain that she was to blame for. She ran her fingers absent-mindedly across the velvet. She picked her phone back up and composed a message to Emily.

****meet me in the moonlight. 3"****

Then she waited. Minutes ticked by slowly before her phone chimed.

****Okay.****

She smiled as she left her room for the stairs, and glided out the front door. The day was sunny and warm with just a slight cool breeze. She looked to the north towards Scranton and could see the darkened clouds hanging over the horizon. No doubt the storm her folks were referring to.

She reached the woods first, sitting on the edge of the rocks to wait. Wondering if Emily had even understood her message. After a few minutes footsteps sounded behind her making her turn. Emily approached, carrying her bag over her shoulder she sunk to the ground beside her.

"Are your parents back yet?" Emily asked.

"No, there's a storm coming in so they're staying another night." She said looking over at her face, watching as she stared down into the water. Something was off about the way she watched it. Like the way the storm brewed in the distance, a new storm was forming behind her eyes.

"It looks so much different here doesn't it." Emily whispered, not breaking her gaze from below. Paige shrugged.

"I don't know...I guess I just see that night too clearly to let time change the image."

Emily just nodded. She sat quietly for what seemed like hours, just listening to Emily breathe and watching the water reflecting off her skin. Uneasy about why she didn't speak. When she moved, Paige had to do a double take to make sure she was really seeing the movement. But she did. Emily stood from the rocks beside her. Pulling her jacket off and dropping it to the ground.

"Wha...what are you doing?" She asked. Emily gave her a reassuring look as she kicked off her shoes. "Are you crazy? The water is probably freezing now." Her face showed the shock that she was feeling but Emily ignored in. She stripped until she stood before her in nothing but the blue lace.

"Stay here." She said firmly. Then she jumped, leaving Paige gawking after her.

She watched Emily hit the water and disappear below the surface, holding her breath as she waited for her to resurface. But she didn't. She ticked the seconds off in her head, 15 to be exact, before she peeled her jacket and scarf off and slipped from her shoes. Panic kicked in, and as she hit 30 seconds she jumped, not bothering to remove her jeans or shirt.

The cold water closed around her as she kicked her body down. She looked around, forcing her eyes to focus through the water. Then she spotted her, a few feet away clinging to a large rock on the bottom. Her pulse hammered in her ears. A pain and fear appearing far greater than any she had felt before.

She kicked her body into movement, reaching and clasping her arm around Emily's wrist. Emily pulled her arm away, returning her hold onto the rock. Her chest tightened as she saw Emily attempting to shut her out. A spark turning into an inferno of determination in her veins. She reached again, this time locking her arms around her waist and tearing Emily away from the rock, kicking their bodies towards the surface. They gasped as they broke through the water, choking on the burn in their lungs.

"What the hell are you doing?" Paige snapped, tears streaming hot down her face. The fear and confusion she felt in her body was ruthless and paralyzing.

Emily just groaned, turning her back away and swimming to the edge. She swam after her, pulling herself up out of the water just as Emily was turning on her. She recoiled at the anger and pain in her eyes as Emily snapped.

"Was that scary enough for you? Because it terrified me." Her voice cracked as she tried to stay strong. "What you just did...jumping in after me...you've denied me that chance every time you've done this to yourself." Tears began falling as she spoke, the pain in her eyes cutting into her like a knife and forcing the air from her lungs. She couldn't breathe watching Emily fall apart, knowing that it was her fault.

"Do you get it now? If you love me, you have to promise me that you won't do this anymore and you have to mean it." Emily pleaded.

"I promise." She said automatically. No doubt in her mind and no reason to hesitate. Suddenly realizing how stupid and childish and it was and how it had gotten her nowhere. Maybe she had known that before, but seeing Emily clinging to that rock shook everything inside of her. Suddenly she was seeing what Emily saw...and she hated it.

Emily nodded soundly then moved to the pile of clothing on the ground, stripping herself of the wet lace and tucking them into her bag before pulling her clothes back on. Paige followed her lead quietly, slipping into her jacket and shoes, before turning to her.

"Em..."

"Don't." She whispered softly stepping closer and wrapping the red velvet back around her neck. "Just don't break your promise."

* * *

Paige held her hand tightly as she led the way. She could feel Paige glancing over every now and then but she kept there eyes to the ground. She had to be angry with her for what she had done. Maybe it was too much, maybe she could have just asked her to stop diving without going to such extremes to prove a point, but in the moment, it had felt like the only way. Though it didn't make it any less painful knowing that she had picked out Paige's biggest weakness and used it against her, and it wasn't the only thing that was bothering her.

The silence was deafening as Paige pulled her up the stairs to her bedroom. Emily hadn't been here before and she began to panic as she stared around the room. The walls were a light blue, with one accent wall in a darker shade. Other than the color it was very similar to her own. Various ribbons and trophies scattered her dresser with other small knick-knacks. Her eyes fell on a hole through the dry wall.

"What happened there?" She asked. Paige followed her gaze and sighed.

"A baseball...when you showed up Monday morning. I wanted to see you but..."

"I know you did." Emily nodded softly. She remembered hearing the thud upstairs as Mr. McCullers had turned her away. Paige looked away uncomfortably and walked over to her dresser, where she began peeling the wet jeans and shirt from her body. Emily turned her back away from her, letting her eyes rest on her bed across the room and the deep red blanket that clung to it. The difference in their rooms became startling. While hers was soft and girlie, Paige's room was rich and beautiful. Bold artsy colors mixed with soft fabrics. She inched forward, grabbing a soft white cashmere blanket that was draped over the end. Then she turned back to Paige and walked up behind her, wrapping it around her bare skin. She tensed beneath her touch.

"Emily, I'm sorry..." Paige whispered. Her words grazed upon the crawling sensation beneath her skin, punching into her stomach and bringing light to something else. She turned away quickly, walking back to the bed and sitting down on the edge.

"Paige, that's the second time you've apologized to me today. I understand your need to do it now but...this morning you weren't really apologizing for.." Her cheeks flushed lightly as she trailed off, remembering how Paige had sent her body over the edge twice, and so quickly. Paige sighed as she caught on to what she was referring to. She moved forward and sat down slowly beside her, clutching the blanket around her body.

"No, I wasn't apologizing for that. How could I?" Emily swallowed hard bracing herself for what was coming and telling herself that she didn't know what that was. She asked anyways.

"Then what?" she pressed. Her voice worried and edged. From the unphased look on Paige's face she could tell she had expected this tone from her. That she deserved it even. She struggled with her focus, making her words come out much softer as she spoke again.

"I want you to be honest with me?" She whispered

"It was the way that you reacted to it. You were shaking and crying and I've seen you cry too much lately." Paige closed her eyes to focus.

"Paige, what do you mean? I was happy..." she whispered.

"I mean I'm hurting you. I can see the pain in your eyes when I touch you now. That's not fair, Em. It's not fair that you feel that way when we're...together. Its wrong."

She closed her eyes, to form the right words as carefully as possible. To hide the pain she felt from hearing the word 'wrong' being applied to them being together. But she couldn't. She had called Paige out with the water stunt and now she felt completely exposed and she deserved this. What Paige said was true but not in the way she was thinking. There _was_ pain there. Every time Paige touched her now, there was pain.

"You're right." She kept her voice a soft whisper. "..but not for the reasons you think. If you think that I can't see your pain too, then your wrong. You're not hurting _me_ Paige...you're hurting yourself and that's the pain you're seeing. You see it more now because you know me better and because I let you see it but you work so hard to keep me from seeing you. You hide things from me because you're too scared to trust in me and let me be there for you." She gasped taking a sharp breath into her lungs.

Moments passed as she watched Paige process her words. They came out in a whisper, pain and disgust heavy on her face. The most she had ever let her see before.

"That day that I held you under the water..." She choked. "I went home and made myself forget about every practiced dive into the pool because...I _really_ wasn't planning on breathing again. I had hurt you and I made the decision not to allow myself to do that again."

And there went her heart beat again, disappearing just as fast as it had returned. She forced herself not to speak. Afterall, she wanted this. She wanted Paige to trust her and turn to her.

"I couldn't do it...I couldn't leave you that way. I barely knew you and already I had made you hate me but I couldn't just leave you angry and hurt. I couldn't make things easier for myself. I had to make things right."

"I never hated you Paige." She whispered, reaching for her hand but stopping short, letting her hand fall to space between them instead.

"I know that now...because that's not the kind of person you are. But I hated myself. Even more now because I can't seem to make myself understand that you're really here and that I have everything I wanted. I love you but I hate myself for hurting you and I don't know how to stop."

Emily stood from the bed. Enough was enough and there was no hiding the frustration in her voice now.

"Paige, I'm responsible for every time you've held yourself under that water and you think you're the one hurting me? God, you should hear yourself..."

"I want you to read it." Paige whispered. Emily's words cut off in confusion.

"What?" She asked. Paige sighed heavily.

"The letter, Em. I want you to read it." Emily shook her head instantly.

"No! No...Alison doesn't get to win thi.."

"I didn't write it for Alison, Em. I wrote it for you. Alison gave me the fake letter but the one I wrote was for you. Regardless of what she said because... I meant everything that I said. You want me to be honest with you? Then read it."

She stared at Paige for a moment in shock. She had begun to open that letter hundreds of times before but she had stopped herself every time. It never felt right. It still didn't. Like the ultimate invasion of privacy even though it had been written for her. Nothing inside that letter would make her feel anything but anger towards Alison for the time she may have lost with Paige, had she known sooner.

"No." She said stubbornly. "No, I'm not reading it." She could see how much that wounded Paige, in the way her chin began to quiver and her eyes glistened. It didn't matter. "I don't want to read how you felt about me back then. I want you to tell me how you feel now."

"Its so much stronger now." Paige whispered.

"Then tell me." She pleaded. Paige kept her eyes away, lost in a distance that terrified her.

Emily moved to the bed, pushing her onto her back and capturing Paige's lips in hers. Soothing the tremble that had started there. Paige moaned against her mouth as she broke away.

"Tell me." She whispered. Sucking lightly on her bottom lip until she gasped. "Tell me, Paige." She moved to her top lip, sucking it harder. Paige caught on quickly.

"You're beautiful." She whispered.

Emily pushed her tongue past her lips, coaxing a moan from her throat before pulling back.

"I don't want to hurt you."

Emily moved to her jaw, licking lightly from her chin to her earlobe. Paige gasped.

"I want you to know me."

Her eyes stung as she nipped on Paige's ear.

"I can't breathe without you."

She moved down to her neck, sucking softly and smiling to herself when Paige's breath hitched in her throat. It seemed she couldn't breathe _with_ _her_ either.

"I love hearing you laugh."

Emily chuckled lightly against her collar-bone as she tugged the blanket away.

"I'm never going to feel good enough for you."

Emily stopped short for a moment at how close those words hit to home. But she quickly recovered, tracing her tongue around her nipple. The truth was, she felt the same way about Paige.

"I'm never going to stop trying to make you happy."

She licked the flesh below her rib cage. Paige ran her fingers into Emily's hair, alternating between soft strokes and light tugs. Her stomach jumped, quickening her pulse.

"I'll never leave you again."

She kissed her belly button. Paige tightened her grip for a split second and then relaxed. Her breath quickening with each touch.

"I'm never going to stop protecting you."

She sucked lightly on Paige's hip bone as her body began to tremble beneath her.

"It may not be easy for me to always tell you, but I promise I'll try." Her body tensed as she sucked her stomach in.

She nipped at the crease of her thigh. Paige moaned, unable to keep her hips from lifting eagerly to meet her. Her head spun so much that the next words left her automatically without second thought in her mind.

"I love you and I want you to keep my name." Paige gasped, twisting her fingers into the sheets of the bed.

Emily's heart started again. Her breath faltered for just a moment before she brought her lips down, kissing her deeper than she ever had. She reached her arm up, twisting her fingers into Paige's hand and holding tightly to her as she had the night they sat on the window bench together. That night seemed so long ago and yet the truth had always been the same. They needed each other more than oxygen in their lungs and they'd never stop trying to prove that. It might be hard sometimes and not always come easily, but nothing came easy when they were apart and that left only one option.

Emily flicked her tongue as she sent Paige crashing over the edge to a place where only one thing mattered and only one thing was certain. She loved her.

* * *

**"Look After You" The Fray (Emily's POV) *I do not own these lyrics***

If I don't say this now I will surely break

As I'm leaving the one I want to take

Forget the urgency but hurry up and wait

My heart has started to separate

Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh Be my baby

Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh Be my baby

I'll look after you

There now, steady love, so few come and don't go

Will you, won't you be the one I'll always know?

When I'm losing my control, the city spins around

You're the only one who knows, you slow it down

Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh Be my baby

Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh Be my baby

I'll look after you

And I'll look after you

If ever there was a doubt

My love she leans into me

This most assuredly counts

She says most assuredly

Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh Be my baby

I'll look after you (After you)

Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh Be my baby Oh, oh, oh

It's always have and never hold

You've begun to feel like home

What's mine is yours to leave or take

What's mine is yours to make your own Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh Be my baby Oh, oh, oh

* * *

******"Be The One" The Fray (Paige's POV) *I do not own these lyrics***

They're two lovers in the night

Waiting on the sun to rise

Passing ships into the night

Under different skies  
But you just whisper what you said

One last time

I could have sworn I heard you say

That you are mine

Faded flowers in your hand

The best that I could do

It's the only way I've had

Of reaching you  
I never saw it like you did

Didn't know that it was there

You don't see it in your hand

It's in the air

Be the one and only, wait for me

Will you be the only one

Will you be, be the one and only

Wait for me, will you be the only one

What if I knew how to yell

What would I pray

What if I knew how to tell

What would I say  
I will be the only one

If you say you'll never go

I'll be screaming out your name

From the back row

Be the one and only, wait for me

Will you be the only one

Will you be, be the one and only

Wait for me; let me be your only one

Be the one, be the one and only

Wait for me; let me be your only one

Will you be, be the one and only

Wait for me; let me be your only one

* * *

******"Marry Me" Train (PAILY) *I do not own these lyrics***

Forever can never be long enough for me

To feel like I've had long enough with you

Forget the world now we won't let them see

But there's one thing left to do  
Now that the weight has lifted

Love has surely shifted my way

Marry Me

Today and every day

Marry Me If

I ever get the nerve to say "Hello" in this cafe

Say you will Mm-hmm

Say you will Mm-hmm

Together can never be close enough for me

Feel like I am close enough to you

You wear white and I'll wear out the words I love you

And you're beautiful

Now that the wait is over

And love and has finally shown her my way

Marry me

Today and every day

Marry me

If I ever get the nerve to say "Hello" in this cafe

Say you will Mm-hmm

Say you will Mm-hmm

Promise me

You'll always be Happy by my side

I promise to

Sing to you When all the music dies

And marry me

Today and everyday

Marry me

If I ever get the nerve to say "Hello" in this cafe

Say you will Mm-hmm

Say you will Mm-hmm

Marry me Mm-hmm


End file.
